I have an internal conflict about whether or not to allow my eight year old to watch music videos. I’ve got parental codes on the MTV channels to prevent her from seeing some of their inappropriate programs but I did not on VH1. I didn’t give much thought to how bad the videos could be plus she wasn’t into watching them until my babysitter introduced her to them. They both competitively dance, they live and breathe it, so I understand their interest in watching music videos. I was ten when MTV’s video killed the radio star. I would watch for hours just hoping to see videos of Duran Duran, Micheal Jackson, or Adam Ant. But when she started singing “Promiscuous Girl” while doing homework I decided I probably should see what exactly she was taking in. I asked her what promiscuous meant and luckily she replied that she didn’t know, she just likes the song. So we watched the Top 20 Countdown. I was disturbed. Nearly every video was about sex, the women were half dressed and portrayed in sexually aggressive roles, and some went as far as to simulate intercourse. I could not stop thinking about what messages this was giving her and how much was she understanding. I want to preserve her innocence for as long as I can but unfortunately she has already been exposed so we needed to talk. I asked her what was sex. She replied that it’s when a mommy and daddy kiss and hug and sometimes they are naked. I was relieved. By the time I was eight an older cousin had filled me in on all the nitty gritty details. I remember feeling grossed out that my parents did THAT.

I talked to her about how the way the women dressed and behaved on the videos was all for show and that acting that way is really not acceptable. I know that, she told me. She did seem to be much more oblivious to what was going on in the videos than I was. I had a pretty good idea about what is Fergie’s “London Bridge” while my daughter thought she was singing the dance version of “London Bridge Is Falling Down”.

I wish it wasn’t this way, that sex sells and 90% of the Top Ten Videos are songs about sex. Is it really necessary? Would they not be popular? I know that I want to get my freak on whenever I hear Justin Timberlake’s new song and I have no idea what he’s singing. I just like the music which is exactly what my daughter tells me.

So for now I will let her watch them with me. My fear is if I forbid them then they will be more enticing. My parents made this mistake. They were much too strict and sex was a big secret. The only reference to sex was my mother threatening me that I better not make her a grandma before she is forty. They thought they were protecting me by hiding the evils of the world but I found them on my own and was confused by them. I’m sure I would have made much better choices had I been able to talk to my mom.

The fact is that sex is everywhere and I’m naive to think I can shield her from it. She is going to be in friend’s homes where parents don’t monitor what their children watch or leave Playboy in the magazine rack of the bathroom. She is going to be exposed and she needs the lines of communication about it open now. I want her to feel comfortable with talking to me about sex. I want her to know that sex is not a dirty word, that sex is wonderful with someone you love. I want her to know that she doesn’t have to be sexually aggressive to make a boy like her.

So, I will continue to leave the parental controls on the channels I don’t want her watching without me and on the weekends if she wants to watch music videos then we will together. We can dance, be silly, and make fun of how ridiculous they are.

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