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I made a deal with my oldest daughter, Madeline that I would buy her a Webkinz for every A she got on her report card. As I have mentioned before she has an auditory processing problem and her test taking skills aren’t the best so I felt pretty confident that I would be buying one or two at the most. We didn’t see many A’s over the last two school years. Well it bit me in the ass! She got four A’s! I’m extremeley proud of her but it killed to me to buy FOUR of those wretched stuffed animals. We have now renegotiated the reward for A’s to one Webkinz for every four A’s. I mean really how many of these does she need? Also do teachers have to take a class in bullshitting? The comments on the girl’s report cards crack me up.

Madeline’s teacher wrote that she is an enthusiastic learner and always active in class discussions:

Translation: Madeline is too hyper, talks too much, and needs to raise her hand rather than shout out answers.

Her teacher also wrote that an area of improvement is she needs to work on is keeping focused on task. I know it is hard for her because she has so much to offer.

Translation: It’s obvious she has attention deficit issues and it’s getting on my nerves.

Isabelle’s teacher was a little more frank. She wrote that Isabelle is a very kind child who is always willing to help others in need. We are working in the area of improving her listening skills.

Translation: Isabelle is too busy socializing to listen to directions. Don’t you make her listen at home?

I actually really like both of their teachers. They are the best and the most loved in our school. They both do a wonderful job of giving constructive criticism. I’m sure they have to be careful how they word these comments because there are parents who can’t handle constructive criticism of their children. I’m definitely not one of them. I’ll be the first to say my kids are hyper and terrible listers. It is what it is, God love ‘em!

Marigrace has decided she prefers Mr. Fun Guy. She didn’t get much of a nap yesterday because we were on the go all day with the activities of our older kids. She woke up around 10 p.m. so I had her sit in my lap while I was on the ‘puter. Hubby walks in and she kicks her legs and flaps her arms in excitement. He talks to her for a few minutes then left the kitchen. She cried! I called hubby back in and she stopped crying, thrashing in excitement. She squirmed like she wanted down so I put her on the floor and she did her Ape Crawl to hubby. I’d put my arms out to hold her and she would pull away like I was the devil. I can’t believe she would turn on me when I have the groceries. I’m still nursing 4-5 times a day. She has some nerve since I’m the one who miserably carried her in my belly for 9 months, had her cut out of me, changes 99% of her diapers, gets up with her in the middle of night, and takes care of her needy ass the majority of the time. Hubby gets to be Mr. Fun Guy. When he has her it’s all fun plus he has introduced her to the basement where the playroom is. She plays with her siblings in the playroom while Mr. Fun Guy watches t.v. I think I got a raw deal here.

This isn’t the first time this has happened. My oldest has always been a mommy’s girl but Isabelle and Connor turned on me around this age also. Isabelle weaned herself at 8 months because she preferred her daddy feeding her a bottle so I got myself knocked up again a couple months later so I could have a do-over. No do-over this time, we’re fixed. Connor turned on me too but not as bad as Isabelle.

I take comfort in the fact that it’s a faze that lasts a couple of years and then they switch back to me or as my hubby calls it, they go back to the dark side. In my opinion he gets them during the hardest years with their relentless need for play and temper tantrums.

So for now he can have her and I’ll enjoy a little more free time knowing she’ll be back.

For those of you inquiring about Marigrace’s hat in this video. My sister sells them in her store. She also has a headband that’s super cute too. When I take her out in these people go crazy over her. It’s a lot of fun. My sister also has a monthly cute baby photo contest where you can win stuff from her store. Sometimes I get to help her pick the winner and I’m not opposed to bribery.

This is for my sister.

Warning: Slightly innappropriate for children.

Why is it when you lose weight you lose it from the top to the bottom? I’ve lost six pounds so far on my diet and the majority of that weight was in my boobs. They have just about left the premises. I’m still nursing so when I wean they will be nonexistent. Not pretty; little boobies and big hips. Don’t even get me started on my pooch. Thank God there is plastic surgery to make my shallow and vain self feel better but this isn’t the point of this post. The point is to give you the recipe for the yummy dip that contributed to my weight gain. When I was pregnant I would make this dip and eat it for lunch. The sodium would blow me up like a balloon but it was worth it. I chose this recipe because it’s an easy dip to make that you can bring to all the upcoming holiday events. People will rave about it.

8oz. cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup Hellman’s mayo (tastes best with this brand)
2 tbs milk
1/2 cup chopped pecans
1 cup sliced green olives
Wheatables (the ones in the blue box are the best with this dip)

Mix all ingredients together and serve with crackers. Keep in fridge until ready to serve.

It’s fabulous! Even people who don’t like olives love this dip.

I’m bringing this dip to a Halloween party tomorrow but I’ve also been asked to brink a dessert but I can’t decide between this or this from the Baking Betties. Which one do you think kids will like the most?

Do you have a recipe to share?

I often wonder if other mom’s have neurotic strung out kids like mine. My sis’s little boy can be a little weird with his asking her to smell his feet all the time but she doesn’t count because it’s in our gene pool. Don’t get me wrong, I think my kids are darling but they have a lot of weird quirks. I probably should be saving for their therapy rather than college and weddings.

My Little Bits seemed normal until she started crawling. She’s doing the Ape Crawl like Madeline did which worries me that she will also have auditory processing issues like Madeline. There’s a theory that there is a correlation between crawling and reading. Supposedly babies that do not crawl on all fours do not read well. Madeline reads fine but has trouble with spelling so not sure if the theory applies to us or not. Nonetheless something else for me to worry about. Marigrace also doesn’t have any teeth yet and she’s ten and a half months old. I’m worried she may not have any teeth at all. Do they make baby false teeth? The she’s teething excuse just doesn’t fly anymore. Here’s a video of her Ape Crawl:

Then there’s Connor who will be five in two weeks and can barely write his name. He has trouble holding the pencil correctly and pretty much just scribbles on paper. I’m not so sure that it’s a fine motor thing because he has no problems stringing beads or peeling the skin off sliced hot dogs. He hardly knows his letter sounds which is probably my fault because I’m a slacker mom not a flashcard mom unless I have to be. I think it’s time to dust off the flashcards for my little man. He also talks nonstop and it’s the worst when he’s watching t.v. He repeats all the commercials and infomercials to me explaining why we need whatever is being advertised. As I write this he’s telling me to buy a new mattress because if I don’t like it they will give me my money back. He also wants to know if I’m older because if I’m old enough I can call the homework hotline for Madeline then I’ll say yeah for her. Is this normal? Madeline did the same thing at this age. I can remember her giving me all the reasons why I should buy a flat hose while I washed the car. He also does this thing where he keeps his hands clenched or spits on his sleeve because he has “bad spit”. I worry that these may be early signs of tics since Madeline has Tourette’s Syndrome. On a positive note he seems to have a high self esteem. His teacher told me that he said this to her; “Isn’t wonderful to be Connor (our last name)?” When asked what he’s going to be for Halloween he replies with, “I’m going to be Connor (our last name).” Cracks me up. I love hearing him say it so I ask him several times a day.

Isabelle has sensory issues. Certain foods or smells cause her to dry heave and sometimes to vomit. She also has an underwear problem. She constantly complains that her underwear are in her butt. We finally found a pair of underwear that felt “right” and she would only wear that particular pair. I had to sneak and wash them in the sink while she took a bath. They got so dingy and full of holes before I convinced her to try a new pair. She only wears skirts and she cuts the crotch out of all her skorts because they “go up her butt”. Good thing leg warmers are coming back for winter although I think they are a fashion trend that should not have been resurrected.

Madeline has actually gotten a little less weird lately. She currently only has two tics that you wouldn’t notice unless I pointed it out and she isn’t touching her face and neck with her food anymore. Now she just sniffs each bite. Her grades have hugely improved although her test taking skills suck. Her behavior has also improved and I think the fact that she LOVES her third grade teacher has her feeling less stressed. Her anxiety is nowhere (is this even a word?) as bad as it was a few months ago. I don’t know how long this will last but I’m enjoying the reprieve so I can focus on my other kid’s weirdness.

I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

I need Xanax or a bottle of Jack.

My Top Thirteen Costume Picks Go-Go Dancer

I thought today would be a good day to follow Morgen’s lead and write about my blogging friends. Especially after yesterday’s sadistic post. Sorry if any of you pissed your pants. Nothing like a little evil cheer to get you going in the morning.

I’ve only been blogging for three months and I’m amazed at how important it has become in my life. Honestly, I started my blog to help plug my sister’s new online boutique but it lead to what it is now because I found that I like to write and I love the comments even more. I can spend hours reading other blogs and in three months time I have made quite a few friends. This post is dedicated to those friends but I don’t want to leave out the friends without blogs that I know are lurking. I’m so blessed to have you in my life. I love you and appreciate you. Feel free to comment on my blog. You don’t need to have a blog to do so.

My first blogging friend was Tabba. She was my first commenter and she kept coming back. Obviously she liked what I wrote so I kept writing. She also “got” me. We are alike in many ways and I was happy to find someone with similar parenting issues. I was afraid I wasn’t going to find many like me because the first few “mommy blogs” I read were so Pollyanna. I can understand writing about how wonderful your children are for friends and family but it’s quite boring for those who don’t know you. I would click off with an eye roll and not go back. I wanted to be different. Actually I wanted to just be me; open, honest, tell-it-like-it-is Kristie. This is my life kind of blog where I write about my kid’s learning disabilities, their weird quirks, Madeline’s Tourette’s Syndrome, that I get depressed sometimes, that marriage is hard even though I love my hubby deeply, and about my estranged relationship with my parents. I also wanted to be silly and have fun. Tabba was the first blog that I read that also wrote about many of these things so we became friends quickly. She is a very kind and supportive friend although misunderstood at times. I “get” you Tabba and thank you for being my first blogging friend. I may not have continued blogging if it weren’t for you so I’m telling hubby it’s your fault when he gets aggravated with how much time I spend on the ‘puter.

Momish is another friend that keeps coming back for more of my crap. I really enjoy reading her because she can write very thought provoking posts but also be so damn funny. I don’t think she realizes it but she’s a fantastic writer. Often I click off thinking Damn, wish I could write like that.

I became friends with Oh, the joys over a big butt challenge. She’s another one who can really write well and I keep going back for more of this and this.

Brony is a very special blogging friend because of the mental illness connection. She has a Borderline Personality Disorder like my mom. Brony has given me a glimpse into what kinds of thoughts my mom must deal with. It’s too late for me and my mom but it helps me to understand the disorder better . I took so many things my mom did and said personally when it really wasn’t about me at all. I really admire Brony. She is so strong and her honest glimpse into the dark places of her mind is admirable. I’m one of those people who believes we are all given a path in life to follow. Some of us get bumpier paths with many turns and drop offs that can be a real challenge. My path had a very bumpy childhood but I refuse to be a victim because of it. I’m who I am because of it and do my best to help other’s on the same path. Brony is the same way. Her path is leading her to help others and open awareness about mental illness. She’s doing a marvelous job and I’m proud of her.

Looney Mom is my daily reminder to be thankful for all God’s gifts. I admire her strong faith in God and turn to her for inspiration with my struggles of faith. She manages the difficult times in her life beautifully because she strongly believes that God will guide and protect her. Not an easy thing to do for many of us. I also love how non-judgemental she is and very supportive of her friends. If you visit her watch her avatar as the page loads and you’ll get to see her sexy undergarments. cracks me up every time.

Crazymumma has been my words of wisdom. She has great motherly instincts and is a fabulous mom. I love her stories about her daughters and she’s another one who can be so damn funny.

I love domestic goddess’s informative posts and the fun photos she posts. I get the feeling from her posts that she is a warm and kind person. I don’t remember how we got connected but I’m glad that we did.

I became friends with Mrs. L due to similar life experiences. She has been such a source of comfort for me. If we ever got on the phone with each other we would probably talk for hours. I love reading her stories about the wild animals that stalk her home.

I met Pippajo through Tabba and I firmly believe that once word gets out she will be a very popular blog. I don’t think she realizes how well she can write and funny to boot. I just hope when she hits the big time that she won’t forget about me.

Tonya and I bonded over our heart shaped uterus’s and I keep going back for the stories about her kids. She’s warm, funny, and interesting. Definitely a mom I could hang out with.

Jenny and I swear we were separated at birth because we have so much in common such as we are both nurses, her hubby is a cop and so is my dad, and we both have four kids. She sucked me in with a hysterical post about spanking her ipod and I’ve been going back ever since.

Neila is a new blogging friend and if you haven’t been to her blog you must go now. I’ll wait… What took you so long? Oh I know, funny shit. Her stories about teething babies and toddler tantrums should be Saturday Night Live skits. She’s becoming a Passion Parties rep and I can’t wait to read her posts about it. It’ll be good!

I need to wrap this up because it has taken me hours to write this while taking care of kids. I’ll end this with a shout out to my newest friends and I hope I didn’t leave anyone out. If I did it’s because I’m scattered brain and not because I don’t consider you a friend.

Jen sucked me in with this post and I keep going back for more because she is just darling and so funny. I don’t think she realizes how funny she is.

I felt an instant connection with Janet a.k.a “wonder mom” when I read this post since I also struggle with these same thoughts.

I can always count on Maggie for informative posts and great quizzes.

I appreciate everyone of you and I thank you for being my blogging friends.

Editors note: I’ve noticed that there is a lot of spread the love posts going on which is too weird because I didn’t know this was going on before I wrote this post. I’ve been wanting to do this since I read Morgen’s post last week. Too weird. If it was Friday the 13th I would be freaked out.

READ BEFORE CLICKING ON THE LINK:
There are two identical pictures that will appear on the screen. Almost 8000 people were tested to see if they could find the 3 differences and only 19 got it. See how observant you are and if you find all 3 differences, you are one of the most elite people in the world!

Blog That Mommy has an interesting meme posted and I tagged myself since I’m at a loss for words today. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. I guess I’m just too close to perfection. Oh, just kidding!

1. I have to have lipstick on all the time. It’s the one make-up item I will not leave the house without. I wear a moisturizing lip gloss to bed. I can’t stand how it feels to not have lipstick on.
2. My ankles and feet sometimes make a popping noise when I walk. My hubby’s do too so our kids are doomed.
3. I’m a picker. I love to pick pimples, cradle cap, and swab ear wax. I’m always picking my kids. The only thing I won’t pick is a scab.
4. I have food issues. I don’t like my food mixed together or touching each other. I won’t eat anything that has been touched by a mushroom or even if I think it may have touched a mushroom. I don’t like peas either and my Seattle Sutton lunch yesterday had peas in the pasta salad. I ate around the peas but gagged through the first few bites. It’s amazing what you’ll eat when your hungry. I love corn as a side dish but I won’t eat in soup or casseroles.
5. After my cleaning lady leaves I go around putting all the nick knacks back in their EXACT place. I don’t like my things even a smidgen out of place. Pretty anal, huh?
6. I don’t like to wear underwear and I go commando most of the time.
7. I have a uterine anomaly called a bicornuate. Basically, my uterus is heart shaped so my babies grew in half a uterus. They were all breech because there was no room to turn.
8. I get hives or red marks on my neck when I’m very nervous or stressed.
9. I sneeze in threes.

Here are the nine people I’m tagging:crazy mumma, Maggie, Momish, Tabba, Oh, the joys, The Knut Hut, Mrs. L, Jenny, Tonya

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