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Sometimes I joke that it’s a good thing my kids are cute or else I might kill them. I’m joking people. Don’t get your panties bunched up. My point is that although I love my kids dearly they can drive me absolutely batty.

I recently boo-hooed in this post about not liking my oldest daughter at times. By the way the support was overwhelming and I’m very thankful that so many of you “get” me. My darling Madeline redeemed herself this weekend. The child who had been the brattiest of brats last week was a dream child over the weekend. Not only was she behaving well but she did some very nice things. Her cousin came over to play and Madeline took it upon herself to give her cousin her Bratz doll case and all it’s contents because she knows how much this cousin loves to play with Bratz dolls. Then later she asked permission to give her Wekinz member name and password to a couple of little girls that she knows are too poor to have their own Webkinz. Madeline has always been thoughtful and giving like that and I felt really proud of her. I went to bed last night basking in her warm fuzziness. At that moment I really liked her. Until this morning when she threw a tantrum because her uniform didn’t feel “right”. I better get used to this parenting roller coaster because I’m in for a long ride!

Momish tagged me with Kristen’s Real Mom meme. Here’s my definition of a real mom:

A real mom supports other moms. A real mom does not judge another mom’s parenting skills because her toddler is throwing a tantrum. A real mom says to the mother, “My toddler does the same thing. Isn’t frustrating?” A real mom doesn’t gossip about the wrongdoings or problems of other moms. A real mom offers her help. A real mom doesn’t compare and compete with other moms. A real mom celebrates other moms successes and offers support when she fails. A real mom doesn’t brag or boast. A real mom doesn’t think her children do no wrong. A real mom doesn’t relish in other moms shortcomings. A real mom offers encouragement and support. A real mom is all about being REAL: honest, supportive, and encouraging. Real moms can be found in the comments of this post.

I’m a little late to this meme so I tag any mom who hasn’t done it yet.

There I said it. Does it make me a bad mom? I hope not.

I’ve never heard another mom say it out loud. Is that because other moms never have this feeling or because they keep it to themselves? Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. To. Death. I just have moments where I don’t like how my oldest behaves. She has a very attention seeking personality. That’s fine but I hate when she shows off or talks real loud to make sure everyone hears her. When there are other children that we don’t know standing next to us she’ll say things like, “I can’t wait to ride Kerri’s horses” or “That’s so cool that you are going to let me have a cell phone when I’m ten.” It will be completely unrelated to our conversation and spoken in a voice loud enough for the other child to hear while she’s glancing at the child to make sure they heard her. I consider it bragging and it makes me crazy. Bragging is a trait I despise in people and I’m shocked that I have a bragging child. I’ve talked to her about it but yet she still does it.

She really got on my nerves today. We had several of their friends over to play. Madeline was very hyper, bossy, and argumentative. I kept thinking my God how does this child have so many friends?

She’ll hit a sibling and then lie to my face about it. She’s also very argumentative with me. She can get so damn hyper when she’s among a group of people. There’s a social ineptness about her that I can’t seem to formulate into words.

I feel terrible when I have these feelings because I had hoped that I would be able to accept my children 100% for who they are. I also feel bad because I love this child so much that my heart hurts. On the flip side she is a very loving, thoughtful child. She has a very outgoing personality and she can be quite charming.

I often think about when she was a baby. My firstborn. My first time feeling the intense, overwhelming and vulnerable love for a child. I was so excited for her future and to watch her grow up. I promised her that I would give her all the love and support that I didn’t get as a child. I would daydream about her being smart and popular. I imagined her being able to sing, dance, and act. I hoped that she would be good at sports and love to read. I prayed that she would never know the dark depths of depression and have a zest for life. I prayed that I would be a good mother.

It seemed that easy. Hope. Pray. Imagine. I thought that if I gave her a great education, endless love and support that she would grow up to be the kind, loving human being that I imagined. I knew things would go wrong and there would be obstacles to face but I never imagine parenting would be THIS hard. No one told me that my children would embarrass me or bring me to my lowest of lows. No one told me that my children would tell me they hate me or make me feel rage I didn’t know I had. No one told me that there would be obstacles I would find hard to overcome. No one told me how loving them would hurt my heart and that I would worry myself sick.

Even as a baby Madeline was a very intense and spirited child. She threw tantrums that scared the Hell out of me and often left me wondering what I was doing wrong. We thought she was gifted because she spoke well at a young age and had advanced motor skills. She came across as much older than her age. She was quite the performer and still is. She dances competitively and has a great singing voice. It was quite a shock when I realized that she could not write her name or learn letter sounds like her friends of the same age. She was diagnosed with an auditory processing disorder. We had her tutored for many years and is now reading at her age level although her spelling is still difficult for her.

Around the age of six she had her first tic. She would sniff constantly as if she had a cold or allergies. We didn’t know it was a tic and we would yell at her to blow her nose. Poor baby. The tic disappeared as quietly as it appeared. That summer she began blinking her eyes. I contributed it to chlorine. She was on a swim team and swam very day. Once again the tic disappeared as quietly as appeared. By winter she had multiple tics and would sniff books and each bite of food before she put it in her mouth. I would watch her when she didn’t know I was looking. I was intrigued and horrified at the same time. My gut was telling me that it was Tourette’s Syndrome but my husband would brush it off. I felt so alone in my worries.

Every night before I went to bed I would stand over her bed and pray. I begged God to give me guidance and to help Madeline accept herself. I stood over her, looking at her beautiful face while the tears ran down my face. I felt sick at the thought of her being made fun of or not being accepted. I quietly promised her that I would teach her how to become a better person because of her struggles. I’m not exactly sure how to do it but I will figure it out. I rose above my wretched childhood so I know I’ve got it in me.

By summer her tics were at their worst. She would jump and kick her butt with her heels. I was horrified when I saw the circle bruises on her butt until I realized that they were from her constant jump/kick tic. She had several facial tics and had a spitting tic for a short time. That one bothered me the most because I worried that other adults would think she was a rude child devoid of manners. I’m also completely grossed out when people hack up a loogey and spit. I cringed every time she did it. She continued to sniff her food and for a long time she would touch her forehead, cheeks, chin, chest with each bite before eating it.

The amazing thing is how quickly we got used to her tics. So far she has not been teased and she openly talks about them. She has adopted our “it’s no big deal” attitude. Her tics really aren’t bothersome but the anxiety that crept up in her was exhausting. She was afraid of everything. Especially elevators and dark places. We went to Disney World and she was a ticcing anxious mess. She worried about our plane crashing and was fearful of any ride that looked dark and scary. It was a stressful trip and hubby and I fought most of it. I knew it was time to see a doctor.

We took her to a pediatric neurologist who diagnosed the Tourette’s. We opted to not medicate her since her tics weren’t affecting her daily life. I was concerned that she had PANDAS which stands for Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal Infection. The theory is that OCD, tics, and/or anxiety is triggered by strept infections. It seem to apply to Madeline because she had repeated strept throat infections. In fact she had six infections between January and May of that year. Her doctor quickly dismissed it as hogwash. I’m not sure if it’s coincidental or not but after we had her tonsils out that August her tics and behavior greatly improved.

She’s tic free at the moment but her ADHD is at it’s worst. I’ll take the tics over her ADHD symptoms any day. Her argumentativeness over the last few months has put a strain on our family. I worry that my other children will feel resentful of how much of my time is spent dealing with Madeline. We started her on Strattera a month ago and we have seen some improvement. I can always tell how she’s doing by her handwriting. It is very sloppy when she’s disconnected and inattentive. Two weeks into the medication her handwriting greatly improved along with her grades.

So back to me not liking her at times. I’m disappointed that I have these feelings especially after how much my heart has bled over all she’s been through and will go through. I love her more than life itself. I don’t ever feel dislike for her when her behavior is out of control. In fact I love her more during those times because I can see in her eyes that she’s suffering. She often verbalizes remorse for her out of control behavior. It’s the bragging, bratty, bossy behavior that gets under my skin. I will continue to talk to her about how to be a good friend and a likable person. Beyond that I have to trust that she may work it out herself and grow up to be the kind human being I want her to be. I also know that I will have to accept that she may grow up to be someone that has traits I dislike and to still love her unconditionally.

Damn! Why didn’t someone tell me parenting would be the hardest thing I would ever do. Where’s that book?

Please visit my new renter from Charmed & Dangerous. She has an interesting blog and has recently started a new blog called The Diva Diner that has some fabulous recipes. You know the drill. She’s over in my sidebar.

I’m back from my mini vacation to Branson. I had fun just being with hubby and the kids even though it was not one of our better vacations. We didn’t stay at our usual condo that we love. Instead we stayed at The Grand Country Inn because they have an indoor water park. I knew the room wouldn’t be much because of how inexpensive it was but at least it was clean. The water park was perfect for the age of my kids but the water was way too cold on the first day but was much warmer the next. Someone must have complained. Thank God for complainers!

Our plan was to go to Silver Dollar City on Monday but it turns out that not only is it closed on Mondays but it doesn’t even open until next weekend. So onto plan B which we didn’t have. We let the kids pick what they wanted to do which was to visit Ripley’s Believe It Or Not. Big waste of money! Like a $68 waste of money. To top it off Madeline slammed the car door on Connor’s hand which immediately bruised and swelled up. We spent the next two hours in an urgent care center to spend $206 to find out that no it was not broken. He was a brave little guy though!

We grabbed lunch then visited the Titanic Museum which was well worth the money. The kids loved it because we were given passports with a name of someone who was on the Titanic. They enjoyed looking for information and artifacts about themselves during our tour.

A vacation would not be complete without someone being sick which happened to be me. I have the mother of all head colds. You know the kind where your nose is stopped up but manages to still run. I’m quite a sight with my red nose, open mouth breathing, and dark eye circles from lack of sleep. Hubby says he’d still do me. Not sure if that’s a compliment though.

The great thing about family vacations is how well you get to know your kids. Well maybe it’s not always great but definitely informative. I think Isabelle may also have Tourette’s Syndrome because she was doing a lot of sniffing. She has done this sniffing for some time but it was more pronounced and evident that she can’t help it. Asking her about it made her do it even more. Sniffing was also Madeline’s first tic. So we’ll see. It would not surprise me if all my kids end up with Tourette’s. I just don’t breed well. At least they’re cute!

Madeline informed that her and her friends play a game where they tell each other their deepest, darkest secrets. She asked if I wanted to know what her secret was. I wasn’t so sure if I wanted to know the deepest, darkest secrets of my eight year old but I was quite relieved that her secret is that she loves the show Blues Clues. Ahhh, the innocence.

Connor told his daddy the sweetest thing. We threw coins in a fountain and made wishes. Later that night when we tucked them into bed Connor told my hubby that his wish was for the boo boo on his wrist to get better. (Hubby had surgery on a broken wrist two weeks ago). How sweet is that?

All in all it was a nice vacation and hopefully our kids will remember these times with fond memories.

Now I’m catching up on laundry, phone calls, and emails. Many of the emails are from my crazy estranged mother boo hooing about her skin cancer and in depth details about the cancer that was cut from her vulva. I should feel more sympathy for her but she pretty much brought it on herself. For many years she tanned in tanning beds every day and sometimes several times a day. We warned her that she was going to get skin cancer especially since her own mother had melanoma but she told us to mind our own business. Now she expects us at her side and taking care of her. I’m sorry but I’m a firm believer in taking care of your children so they will take care of you. I feel bad for her in the same way I do for anyone who is going through a difficult time but do I feel a desire to rush to her side and take care of her? Hell no! All she is getting from me is my prayers and that’s all I have to say about that.

I have two favorite products that are worthy of a post and I’m not being paid to write about them. (Although I do accept free products. Hint. Hint.) I just want to pass on this info. If you are like me you have a cabinet full of barely used products that you tried and didn’t like so I love it when my friends tell me about a great product they are using.

I love shiny hair and I have tried tons of shiny hair producing products. I’ve even had a hair gloss put on at a salon. I’ll try anything with the words shiny or glossy so when I saw Loreal’s new Vive Pro shampoo in the pretty pink bottle with the word GLOSS I got very excited. I had to buy and try. I also got the conditioner because I’ve read enough shampoo bottles to know that best results are achieved if followed with the conditioner. I don’t know if that’s really true or just a marketing ploy but they’ve got me sold.

I’ve been using the Nutri Gloss line for two weeks and it does what it claims. It’s the best product I’ve used thus far for shiny hair. And it’s cheap! My dry damaged hair is soft and shiny. I also like the smell. Oh my, I sound like a commercial! If you are a shiny hair freak like me then give this one a try.

The other product I’m digging is Jergens Natural Glow Firming Moisturizer. It’s a moisturizer that self tans and firms up the cottage cheese on my thighs. Three products in one which is just what this slacker mom needs. I’m not sure if it’s ACTUALLY firming my lumpy thighs but having tan legs definitely helps them look better. I also like how it smells. So many self tanners have a gross smell that permeates from your body. I can smell a person with self tanning lotion on before they’ve entered a room. It’s basically three products in one which means saving time and money and that makes this slacker mom very happy.

There you have it. My two faves at the moment. If you try them let me know if you’ve had the same results.

In need of new sheets and towels?

I should get these for hubby to take on business trips.

And these to embarrass the kids. I wonder if the woman on the sheet is using Jergens Natural Glow Firming Moisturizer?

A big thanks to MiniMe Baby Gear for the adorable rufflebutt onesie’s that I won. They came yesterday and they are very cute.

I’m checking out for a few days. We are taking the kiddies to Branson. I’ll be back Wednesday. Have a great week!

Jaelithe from The State of Discontent awarded me the Thinking Blogger Award. It’s a very cool award that is actually a meme because now I have to award five bloggers that make me think. You can find out more about it at The Thinking Blog.

I had a hard time cutting my list down to just five because there are so many of you that make me think in one way or another. Here are the five that I’m tagging. I’m too tired to write how each of them make me think so you will have to go visit them to see for yourself what makes them so special.

1. Mrs. Incredible
2. Peggy, as she is
3. The Knut Hut
4. Parenting With Mental Illness
5. The Smiling Infidel

Added:
Honorable Mention
Pattie from Stolen Moments was another pick of mine but someone beat me to it. Give her a visit to see why she’s deserving of two nominatations.

Don’t forget to visit my renter Temporarily Me. She’s only here another day. You can find her in my sidebar.

Please Lord, don’t let this happen to me. Don’t let my my ass get so big that I don’t realize I sat on the baby!

Here is the cute letter Isabelle left the Tooth Fairy. She even left her a pen in the pocket of the Tooth Fairy pillow and a cracker.

I didn’t know what a “wane” was so I just put no. Isabelle informed me that it says “wand”. Does the Tooth Fairy have a wand? Are there any pictures of her? I love when they do stuff like this! Makes all my bad thoughts about being a mom go away.

Are you looking for a new diet? The Girl Scout cookie diet is working for me. I eat a couple sleeves of Girl Scout cookies and 3-4 Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper’s a day followed by a sensible dinner. One to two pieces of dark chocolate for dessert is allowed. I lost a pound in the first three days!

Lastly, do you need to Mom Your Ride? Mine has been. Read my profile. I’ve got fries, spilled juice, feet marks on the back of the seats, dings from bikes and balls, bottles of milk under the seats, pen marks on the leather…

Don’t forget to visit my friend Sam at Temporarily Me. She’s over there in the sidebar.

Dear bitchy mom at Target,

I hope you are in a much better mood today. Especially for the sake of your kids and any adult in your path.

Your rudeness towards me at Target last night was uncalled for. I was trying to be friendly and helpful. Good thing I don’t have a short fuse because we could have ended up in a brawl.

I’m not the judgemental mommy type so I did my best not to judge you when you repeatedly screamed at your children to shut up or that you are going to whoop their ass. Lord knows I’ve had bad days where I say things I shouldn’t to my kids and have handed out a spanking or two. I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt that you don’t talk to your children in that way ALL the time. I also tried really hard to not eavesdrop on your phone conversation about how your babies daddy drinks to much and you are going to kick your co-workers ass for leaving her shift early. It would have been much easier though to not listen if you weren’t talking so loud. I didn’t let you know that I was irritated that you were holding up the line because your phone conversation was distracting you from putting your items on the conveyor belt. And you had a lot of items! What gets me is how you treated me. I try to help out other moms whenever I can. I know too well how it feels to have other moms give me that judgemental you-are-a-shitty-mom-and-your- kids-are-brats look. I was trying to help you out by smiling and talking to your kids. Giving me the up and down look and the head flip when I spoke to you was just down right rude. You also did not need to snap at me when I asked you if the leggings left on the conveyor belt were yours.

What you don’t understand is that I “get” you. It was obvious you were having a bad day and a shopping trip to Target with three toddlers made your bad day worse. It was obvious to me that you love your kids. They were clean, looked healthy, nearly everything in your cart was for them, and you even brought two of their car seats for the cab ride home. It’s too bad you didn’t realize that I was trying to make your checking out easier. My wish for you is to realize that you are setting an example to your kids about how to treat others. All the best to you even though I thought you were a total bitch.

Sincerely,
Slackermommy

I feel much better now.

I feel so out of the loop since I started living at the House Of Shits and Pukes. I haven’t been able to blog or read blogs with all the laundry, carpet cleaning, and the one million projects I have going on. I’m disappointed that I didn’t have time to do all the fun things I had planned for my blog party. I did win a prize though! An adorable rufflebutt onesie from MiniMe Baby Gear. A big thanks to 5 Minutes For Mom for putting together the blog party.

Did you notice that I spiffied up my blog? I got a little hungup on making it work in all browsers but Looney Mom came to the rescue. Thanks Liz! Please let me know if anything looks funky.

Don’t forget about my sister’s monthly photo contest at Avannabel Baby. Your adorable baby could win one of these:

I’m off now to catch up with what’s going on with you all!

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