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The nerve of some people can just blow me away. I also can’t believe how some people can stick their nose in other people’s business and do it with such entitlement and I especially cannot stand a busybody. My subdivision has several. One in particular has done something that left me momentarily speechless.

We had a few friends with kids over for a BBQ. We were socializing out on the driveway while the kids played. I live in a culdesac of four houses. Our subdivision is small with only about 100 homes and there is only one way in and out so the streets aren’t very busy. Our culdesac doesn’t have a sidewalk but the adjoining street does. My kids like to ride their bikes from our driveway to the sidewalk and then to my neighbor’s driveway where they ride down the small hill between our homes. Marigrace likes to follow them even though she never quite catches up. She has to walk about ten feet along the curb in our culdesac to get to the sidewalk. Normally I walk behind her but because I had company I just stood and watched her. Well of course that’s when Mr. Busybody and his Stepford wife that has been beat into submission walk by. They were actually across the street on the opposite sidewalk. Mr. Busybody saw Marigrace so he marched across the street and picked up Marigrace and brought her to me. I just stood there in complete disbelief that this man who barely knows me or my family just picked up my child. As he handed her to me he says,”She was in the street” as if I wasn’t watching her and then taps her bottom as if he was giving her a spanking. The Stepford wife stood and watched her husband with a big stupid grin on her face as if she was proud of her asshole husband. I was so in shock about the whole thing that I didn’t respond to Mr. Busybody. It wasn’t until after a few minutes of processing what happened that I became pissed and wished I had told him off. How dare he pick up my child and then tap her bottom. Asshole. Sure I can see his point. I assume he thought she was going to walk into the street but he could have said, “Hey, your baby is going to walk into the street” right from here he was. Oh no, he had to make his statement. I can just hear him complaining to his wife how permissive parents are nowadays and patting himself on the back for the perfect parent he was.

In hindsight, I guess I shouldn’t have let her follow the kids without me right next her since she could have been that freak accident where a car came flying down the street, lost control and ran her right her over. But then again that could have happened with me standing right there.

What bothered me the most was that Marigrace let this complete stranger pick her up. The lesson I learned from it is just how easy and quickly someone could take her and that the world is full of busybodies who are looking for an opportunity to point out your parenting shortcomings. They aren’t trying to help make us better parents but to make themselves feel better. I got their number!

Here are some more photos of Madeline’s dance team that were sent to me by another mom. They are much better than the ones I posted over the weekend.

I have many Mother Of The Year moments. Too many actually. So many that I could have an entire blog dedicated to being Mom Of The Year. I hope you realize that I’m being sarcastic. I’m far from that title and here’s a scenario to prove it.

My kids have turned into the pickiest eaters. They pretty much eat the same foods and rarely try anything new. Many nights they don’t eat dinner because it doesn’t look or taste right. I try to stick to the if-you-don’t-eat-your-dinner-you-don’t-get-anything-else-before-bed-rule but I often give in because of my own issues with having food withheld from me when I was a child.

It was a usual evening at our home where the “I’m hungry” whining started and I was doing my usual yelling back. I stood my ground that since they chose to not eat dinner they could not have a snack. Connor told me he wasn’t listening to me. I replied that that was a good thing because I’m not listening to him so neither of us needs to talk. He walked off to process that information and I went about making school lunches for the next day. A few minutes later he returned yelling that he’s starving. I yelled back “Too bad!” and “It’s not my problem.” After the third time he yelled that he’s starving I looked up from what I was doing and noticed he was crying.

“I said I’m sorry!” He cried.

It dawned on me that he wasn’t yelling “I’m starving” but “I’m sorry.” I felt terrible. I got down and hugged my sweet little boy and told him how sorry I was that I misunderstood him.

Yep, that’s me, Mother Of The Year.

Here are some more photos from Madeline’s dress rehearsal. I’ve also included some videos for my family but anyone is invited to view. I’m really proud of the girls. They have grown so much just since last year.

Tap Me & My Shadow

Lyrical One Voice

Jazz Genie Jam
I wasn’t in the best spot for this one. This is a number that looks better if you can see all the girls. Their bellies are hanging out a bot but we’ll have them covered up with a body tight for competition.

Ballet Swan Lake

Have you seen the latest contest and my newest addiction, In The Motherhood that Ellen DeGeneres is featuring on her talk show? It’s a contest that gives us moms the opportunity to write and collaborate with Hollywood screenwriters to create a series of web-based films starring Leah Remini. Sign up at In The Motherhood then write about your best and funniest mom experiences. The online mom community will vote and nominate the best entry which will be developed into a webisode for the series. The first episode will air on The Ellen DeGeneres Show on May 11. The first topic is Funniest Mother’s Day which is currently closed for submissions but has five hours of voting left so hurry on over to vote. I’ve picked my favorite.

Go here for an update on this post and where to buy link

Does the shoulder strap of your car cut into your shoulder? Is it too tight and annoying? I’ve been having these issues since I got my new set of boobies. Thank goodness there are people who spend their time coming up with products to make our lives more comfortable. One of those people has invented the Tiddy Bear. When I first saw the commercial I figured it had to be a joke but you can buy the cute little guy here. I’m curious to know if they sell. I would consider buying one for my baby but I’m not so sure I want the furry little thing hanging out on my titties all the time. It’s bad enough that I’m constantly smacking hubby’s hands away. Watch the video and let me know what you think. Is Tiddy Bear the answer to annoying shoulder belts?

The old man with man boobs cracks me up!

A few days ago I wondered what was wrong with people. Today I’m wondering what’s wrong with my kids. Yesterday my three oldest were playing together in the front yard. They were awful quiet. It had been at least ten minutes since one of them summoned me to referee a fight so I peeked out the window to check on them. What did I find? To my horror I caught my oldest running around with her pants down in the front yard for all neighbor’s to see! I screamed for them to get their little behinds in the house, NOW! They immediately came running because they knew they were in trouble. Totally busted. They were playing Truth or Dare and dared each other to run around the yard with their pants down. I was mortified. It wasn’t until later that night after I calmed down that I was able to laugh about it. Where’s the modesty? Did the neighbors see? Are my kids going to be labeled “the bad kids”? What the Hell were they thinking? Shouldn’t my oldest, Madeline had known better? I don’t know why I’m so shocked considering Madeline is the child who dropped her pants and shit in the yard like a damn dog when she was six. At least that was in the BACK yard. Some days I’m just not so sure that I’m up for this parenting gig. Please tell me your kids have done things like this. I can’t be the only one.

Don’t forget to vote for me. Not that I think I’ll win but my ego is needing a little stroking today.

My blog has been depressing lately with my boohooing about my mom and being robbed so here are some funnies I’d like to share. The first is an ad my sis found on Craigslist while looking for houses.

Hot Young Ambitious Gay Boy - Needs Housing ASAP

Whats up!

My name is Jo-Jo. I am 23 male, college graduate and own my own company doing artist management and event coordination for some of the largest nightclubs in the United States and represent some well known talent in the electronic dance industry. I am currently back form Miami after a long three weeks doing an event for the Winter Music Conference. I do a bit of traveling around the country for events I produce, so I would no be home very often. I am looking for a chill good looking fun and down to earth roommate.

I am looking for a few different types of situations, but I will let your response dictate that outcome. I am open to hearing your situation and how you feel you can accommodate my request for housing.

I am clean, drug free, drama free, organized and dedicated to my work.

Info about me:
I own NO PETS, I am an ARIES I stand 5″9, 145lbs tan athletic- play soccer and basketball. Very motivated in this life to succeed and achieve my goals. Looking for someone who can appreciate what I am saying and give me an opportunity to be your room-mate!

Thanks in advance

You think he’s looking for a sugardaddy and paying rent with blowjobs?

The second is a hysterical letter regarding Always Maxi Pads from a disgruntled customer with raging PMS. Even though I don’t have periods anymore I can totally relate to the letter. Funny stuff!

AN OPEN LETTER TO MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER
(maxi pads with wings) dept
PROCTER & GAMBLE

Dear Mr. Thatcher:

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi
pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why,
without the LeakGuard Core ™ or Dri-Weave ™ absorbency, I’d
probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly
steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.
But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.
Kudos on being the
only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is
that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I
feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever
suffered from “the curse”? I’m guessing you haven’t.
Well, my “time of the month” is starting right now. As I type, I can
already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body.
Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed
into what my husband likes to call “an inbred hillbilly with knife
skills.” Isn’t the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene
division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly
happens during your customers’ monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore,
you must know about the bloating, puffiness, the cramping we endure, and
about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior.
You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact,
only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he
told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America
is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me
to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were
these words: “Have a Happy Period.”

Are you f - -in kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of
your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness- actual smiling,
laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did
anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did
it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak
girl, there will never be anything “happy” about a day in which you
have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your
house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreens armed with a
hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say
something that’s actually pertinent, like “Put Down the Hammer” or “Vehicular
Manslaughter is Wrong”? Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep.
Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Jimmy will you please stop stalking me via email. Not only am I happily married but you’re creeping me out.

Our business was robbed over the weekend. It was either an inside job or they had inside information because they came in the time period between the manager leaving and the cleaning crew arriving. They also knew exactly where to find the safe. They jammed the security system, broke in the back door, and carried a 200 pound safe up the stairs and out the back door. I’m sure they were thrilled to find $8500 after blow torching the safe. Assholes. I really feel bad for my hubby because this business was a dream that he had and with a lot of hard work he has turned it into a successful business. Unfortunately there are people who see a successful business and want a piece of it. We’ve been sued several times for ridiculous things. All have been settled out of court except for a case that’s going to trial this summer. An off duty policewoman cut her foot while clearing an area after a glass broke and is suing us for a lot of money. Don’t even get me started on the lack of personal responsibility that people seem to have nowadays. And why people should get millions of dollars for minor injuries is beyond me.

What’s wrong with people? Are they missing something in their brain or were they not taught that stealing is wrong? I realize some people steal to feed a drug addiction but not all thief’s are drug addicts. What’s their excuse? Aren’t they afraid of karma? Do they not care that who they are stealing from has a family to support? My hubby and I truly believe in the Golden Rule and I think that’s way we have such a hard time with understanding why people steal.

Once off my pity pot I realize that these are all life lessons. It is what makes the world go around. We know the laws of life and right from wrong but we need the experiences to learn the lessons. Freak accidents happen to teach others to be more careful, loved ones die to teach others to appreciate their own, diseases happen to cure others, and people do bad things to teach others to do good. Now I know we are infallible and lessons aren’t learned that easily. Some of us have to have them over and over until we get it. Others never learn them at all.

I hope this experience along with another recent one will teach my children not to steal or at least to think about how the person they are stealing from would feel. For my last birthday my hubby took the kids to the mall to pick out bath products for me. They were in a photo booth when a thief stole the bag while my hubby had his head in the photo booth. It was so blazon because the bag was right next to my hubby. The kids were very upset about it. I told them that if they ever consider stealing to think about that bad feeling and that they would cause another person to feel the same way. I hope with these experiences and teaching by example that my kids will learn this lesson. I also know of kids from good families who grow up to be thiefs or do bad things and I can’t help to wonder what went wrong there? More than anything I just want my kids to grow up to be good people.

Speaking of lessons; while writing this Marigrace turned off the computer and of course I didn’t have it saved. I was so bummed. It took 45 minutes to write it and I don’t have the time or energy to rewrite it. Not to mention once I put my feelings down I seem to let them go and I would not have been able to rewrite it with the same passion I felt 45 minutes ago. Thank God for Firefox because it has a restore session feature. I had my finger crossed as it booted back up and to my surprise my post was still there. How’s that for a life lesson to teach me to save more often? Unfortunately I’ll probably have this lesson a couple more times before I finally learn it and then I’m sure I’ll forget it from time to time. Asi es la vida!

Go check out my review at Critique My Blog. Thanks Billy Mac!

Last Friday I was feeling sorry for myself about my situation with my parents when I got an email that I’m a recipient of the Top 100 Mom Blogs Award. It was completely unexpected and came at a moment when I needed a pick-me-up. Life is funny like that. Patricia Arquette’s character on the show Medium summed it up the best on the last episode. Her explanation was that hope is the high, dread is the low and life is everything in between. I love that. It’s much better than my explanation of life when I’m in a funk which is that we are all basically unhappy and just living for the next happy moment. How’s that for some doom and gloom thinking?

Here’s a photo from my luncheon with some other St. Louis bloggers. Lisa also has a photo posted on her blog but I don’t care for it. I think I’m much better looking than I am until I see a photo of myself. Nothing like a photo to slap you in the face with YOU AIN’T ALL THAT. Other than hating to have my photo taken it was a great meeting. Lisa was the only one I had met prior to this lunch. All the girls are really sweet and each have their own interesting story. I really enjoyed meeting them and I hope to do it agian soon. I’m on the far left, Linlee is standing behind me, then Rebecca, Jaelithe, Michelle, and Lisa is standing behind Michelle. Raquita came later. We were all too busy talking to remember to take another photo. Raquita has a great sense of humor and is quite a story teller. She had us in stitches with her “giving birth despite a drunk doctor” story.

So give my new friends a visit and tell them I sent you. Lisa has a great fictional scenario of our luncheon that’s worthy of a visit.

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