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My friend Terri from Steel Magnolias sent me an email to check out the zoo porn video that Dorky Dad posted on his blog. Of course I zipped right over to get me some more animal porn. Turns out that Dorky Dad was at the EXACT same zoo at the EXACT same time and saw the EXACT same turtle porn that we saw. We were on the other side of the fence from where he was but what a freaky coincidence. When I’m out in public I tend to look around at people and wonder if any of them are a blogger. It’s too funny to think that I was standing so close to a blogger that I read.

Here’s the video he captured because I know you all want to see it. Don’t pretend you don’t because all you have to do is click the “play” button and no one will ever know you did. What would have been really funny is if he had panned to the right a bit for a view of me intently watching animal porn.

Make sure you visit Dorky Dad and read his zoo porn post. I was cracking up at his version of his wife’s explanation of what the turtles were doing. I told my kids that the turtle on top was mad at the other turtle and that’s why it was on top and making angry sounds. My sister was disappointed at my response and that I missed an opportunity to educate my nine year old. She reminded me that we got our sex education from a cousin before we were nine. Good thing my sis wasn’t with us because I can see her explaining that the male turtle was putting his penis in the female’s vagina to make a baby. Then my oldest would ask if her mom and dad do that. My sister would respond yes, that’s how they made you and Madeline would cry ewwwwwwwww! Note to self to not take my sister with us to the zoo.

Madeline’s neurologist prescribed Strattera a couple months ago to help control her ADHD. We started her on a night time dose and gradually increased it before switching her to a morning dose because it has a side effect of stomach upset. I was thrilled that it was working to calm her down and help her focus. It also chilled out her tics. She occasionally complained of a tummy ache but didn’t seem to have any other undesirable side effects. I thought we were smooth sailing until I found out she had stopped taking her pills.

I pulled out the couch to plug in my laptop. To my surprise I found ten yellow and white capsules on the floor behind the couch. I give Madeline her medicine every morning except on the weekends. I didn’t pay any attention to if she was actually ingesting them.

At first I was pissed that she was deceiving me. I couldn’t help wondering what else she is doing that I’m completely oblivious to. I was also angry that she would hide pills with a toddler in the house that puts everything but food in her mouth. But then again Madeline is only nine and I guess she doesn’t think of things like that. I was still pissed at her. It was a good thing that she was in bed for the night when I made this discovery. Sleeping on it gave me a chance to calm down. I wasn’t so mad anymore by morning and I had to chuckle to myself about how I did something similar when I was a kid. I hated meat and vegetables. My mom made me eat both anyway. When my mom wasn’t looking I would put the detested food behind the stove or under my bed or the couch. In my childish mind I thought I would never get caught but eventually did when my mom would finally figure out where “the odor” was coming from. I’m sure Madeline thought she would not get caught.

I asked her if she had any idea what I found behind the couch. She gave me a completely puzzled look until I told her what I found was yellow and white and in the shape of a capsule. She tried to hold back her nervous smile. I reminded her that she can’t hide anything from mommy because I will always end up finding out. I asked her why she stopped taking her pills. Turns out they were giving her more tummy aches than I was aware of. I gave her a quick lecture on how dangerous it was to hide pills because our pets or her younger siblings could have gotten a hold of them. I also reassured her that she could tell me anything and that I would be understanding. We kissed and made up.

I was going to leave her off the meds for the summer but her anxiety has increased over the last couple of days. She’s becoming fearful at night time and has been climbing in bed with me for the last two nights. I don’t want her anxiety getting out of control like it was last summer. I discussed this with her and she agreed to trying the pills at bedtime so she will sleep through the tummy ache. This time I watched her swallow the pills. So we’ll see. I do hope she will be able to tolerate them through the night. The other ADHD meds really aren’t an option for her because they will most likely make her tics and anxiety worse. I hate that she has to deal with this at such a young age.

I think a member of my hubby’s family may have found my blog. I noticed on my statcounter that someone from St. Louis emailed one of my posts that would be of interest to members of his family. I hope I’m just being paranoid and I haven’t actually been “found”. I really don’t want his family to know so much personal information about me. I’m feeling really weird about it. In fact I’ve been feeling weird about blogging. I’m not so sure anymore that using my family’s names and posting photos was such a good idea. My blog has been a great way to keep my sister and some friends current with my life but I didn’t expect USA Today to run a story on slacker moms that would send me hundreds of hits from people googling “slacker mom”. I’m also too thin skinned and have a great need for approval that causes me to get my feelings hurt easily. I’m fortunate that my blog is nearly a year old and I’ve only had a couple of trolls pay me a visit. But those few trolls were enough to make me second guess myself. I hate that. I wish I didn’t care so much what others think of me. I firmly believe in the Golden Rule of treating people how I want to be treated but so often it seems that this rule does not apply to the internet. When I come across a post or a blogger that has opinions different than mine I move on. I may roll my eyes but I definitely don’t leave a disapproving comment. I can respect another person’s opinion even if I don’t agree with it. It’s the Libra in me. I’ve tried to not be too opinionated on my blog so I don’t attract unwanted comments. I also try to not be judgemental because I despise how some moms prefer to bring other moms down rather than help raise them up. That’s why I’m so disappointed in myself about this post. I was very judgemental and it felt terrible. Who am I to judge those moms? There are moms who disapprove that I allow my daughter to wear stage make-up for dance and play with Bratz dolls. I don’t want them judging me but yet I took a stance of superiority and did exactly what I despise. Just last week a blogger that I really like wrote a post about how disappointed she was that I posted my breastfeeding photos. One of my readers left her a comment that they agreed with her. I felt like I walked in on my friends gossiping about me and it felt terrible. Especially since I really like these bloggers. Why do I let these things get to me?

I truly believe in being true to yourself yet I don’t practice what I preach. It bothered me that I disappointed someone and I wish I had a I don’t care attitude but it is what it is. I do care and I’m just rethinking what direction I want to take my blog. I’ve taken a big risk by putting my personal life out here and now I’m not so sure that I like the consequences. I really need to work on not letting things bother me so much but I really struggle with it. I think it comes from growing up with disapproving parents who made me feel like I couldn’t do anything right.

I’m more of a people pleaser than I like to admit. I’m always worrying that something I write may offend someone. I have a diverse readership which I love because I take something different from each of you. But I do feel pressure to please everyone and it’s just not possible. For example I say curse words and I try to avoid writing them if I can because I know that it will offend some. My advice to myself is to just be myself and if my readers can’t accept me for who I am then they can just move on. It makes sense to me but yet I still want their approval.

Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts. I started writing about one thing and ended up writing about another. Basically I’m feeling exposed. I’m curious to how all of you deal with these issues.

Have you seen the video Remember Me yet? Fifteen year old Lizzy Palmer put this amazing video together to remind us to support our troops. Whether or not you agree with the war we need to remember that there are men and women who put their life on the line today in hope of a peaceful tomorrow. They do this for us and we owe them some gratitude. Thank you Lizzy for this beautiful and touching reminder. Click here to see the video.

Need a laugh after that? I did. My sister has turned me onto the Best Of Craigslist. The humor and sarcasm of people never ceases to amaze me. Here is one of a found dog that’s too funny to not share. Make sure you scroll down to see the photos.

I’ve been in a funk all week and now I’m even funkier after watching prostitots dance at Madeline’s dance competition this past Saturday. I’m realizing what a bubble I live in here in my conservative area of our city. I’ve heard about children dressing provocatively but I haven’t seen it where I live. I’ve read on other blogs that Target sells padded bras for six year old girls but I’ve never seen it at my Target store. I’m guessing they don’t offer it because they would not sell in the area I live in. My point is that I’ve been sheltered by how much our girls are being sexualized.

This past weekend I left my little bubble to attend my daughter’s dance competition in another state. To my horror and the horror of the other moms from our dancing school we had the unfortunate privilege to watch the little prostitots from the Stripper School Of Dance strut their stuff. These girls wore costumes that resembled lingerie from Frederick’s Of Hollywood. In many of their costumes their butt cheeks peeked out of the bottom and often the girls did not wear tights. I can only imagine what kind of view the judges were getting in the front row. Their song choices and dance moves were very seductive. Their props included a red door that they danced around and in and out of like it was a stripper pole. Another prop was plexiglass that resembled a shower door. Water ran down the glass as the girls danced behind it and pressed their body against it. It was sleazy with a capital S.

The moms from our school sat there in complete disbelief with our jaws on the floor. After the first couple of numbers it became clear that all their numbers would have some sleaze factor. They even took the beautiful art of lyrical dance and sexed it up. Instead of a long flowing costume they wore corsets and short skirts. Their hair was halfway pulled up so they could flip it around rather than pulled back in a classic ballet bun. Even their little five and six year old girls were pumping and grinding like hoochie mamas. The sad thing is these girls were great dancers. Their dance numbers did not need to be so erotic. In fact it was distracting.

Only one mom in our group disagreed with us. She viewed it as an art form and not at all inappropriate. Grown women dancing on a Broadway stage for musicals such as Chicago is an art form but young girls dancing like strippers is disgusting. And believe me I’m no prude. I have no problem with erotic dance or sexy clothing but it’s only for adults at an appropriate time and place. I even take a striptease fitness class but I’m a GROWN-UP. I just want to preserve my daughter’s innocence for as long as I can. So this mom can march herself and her daughter right down to the Stripper School Of Dance because the other moms at our school won’t stand for it.

I felt so sleazy and dirty watching these girls. It has left me with such an icky feeling. I’m so disappointed that there are parents that allow this sort of thing. My husband would never be okay with our daughter dancing or dressing like that but these girl’s fathers proudly walked around the convention center with their half dressed daughters. What bothers me the most is that dressing our daughters like prostitots is becoming acceptable. The Stripper School took the majority of the top awards. We beat them in only one category. My fear is that dance teachers will sex up their routines in order to win. My hope is that the judges judged these girls primarily on their skill because their skills were excellent. I also hope it was political because the stripper school had the most dance numbers in the competition which meant they were the top financial contributor to the production company hosting the competition. It’s a business and unfortunately that is how the world works.

How sad that we live in a country that gets their panties bunched up if a mother breastfeeds in public but condones dressing our children like prostitots. I just don’t get it.

I’ve been tagged by Sara from the Estrogen Files to post 7 things about myself that you don’t already know. This was hard for me because I’m such an open book and I tend to write posts about things that most people only share with their bestest of friends. I’ve done my best to come up with things that I don’t think I’ve ever blogged about.

1. I love pajamas. So much that many days you will find me still in them at noon. I’ve even picked up my kids from school while wearing them. Thank goodness for a carpool line. I do worry that I may get in a car accident and I’ll have to get out of the car in my jammies and slippers. Or worse, I run out of gas and will have to walk to the gas station. I’m also very picky about my jammies. I don’t like the silky or satin kinds which people seem to like to give me as gifts. I wear the flannel kinds in the winter and the t-shirt boxer kind in the summer. Spring and fall jammies fall somewhere in between. In fact I’m wearing jammies now and I know you are curious to what kind. They are blue pajama pants and a tee that reads “relax, unwind, let loose, chill out in the hills of Beverly”. That sounds kind of bad, doesn’t it? I got them from Target. What do you suppose it means?

2. This one is in reference to number one. I often drive my car on empty. I wait until the dial is completely on the orange before I get gas. It’s stupid and fortunately I haven’t run out of gas. It must be the rebel in me.
3. I read People magazine every Friday night. And I mean I read it. I don’t just look at the pictures. I read every article. If I don’t finish it on Friday I read it when I can during the week. I feel stressed if I don’t have it all read by the next Friday. I know, I have issues.
4. I read the newspaper every morning while I eat breakfast. Not the online version but the actual black and white paper kind. And unlike People I do not read every article.
5. Up until last week I did not own a debit card or ATM card. I wrote checks for everything. I could feel people getting pissy behind me in the check out lines. I pay most of my bills online and use Paypal so I’m not completely in the dark ages. It’s that rebel thing I’ve got going on.
6. I’m not embarrassed to fart in front of my kids or friends. In fact I’ve been known to fart on friend’s answering machines. (Oops, I may have mentioned that before). I am embarrassed to fart in front of my hubby because he has never farted around me. At least not on purpose. I know, it’s weird, a guy who doesn’t publicy fart and boast about it. I do feel that we might be missing out on a bonding experience.
7. I’m a glamour girl. I didn’t realize that some people think of me in that way until my sister’s friend saw a photo of me and said, “Oh, your sister is a glamour girl.” Not exactly sure what she meant and I was a little offended by it’s connotation. Am I a glamour girl because I do put my face on to go out in public, I dress trendy and like to feel sexy? If that’s what she meant well then I’m a glamour girl and I’m not apologizing for it.

Now it’s your turn to tell me 7 things i never knew I wanted to know. You are all “it”.

The Classic Kid’s Games blog has a great contest going on with fabulous prizes. It’s a writing project to explain how you play your favorite game with your kids. Be as creative as you’d like - take it in any direction you want - it can be on any topic (keep it clean and ‘family friendly’ please), it can be any length, it can be serious, funny, it can be a list post, a rant, an essay, a pictorial or video post. You must hurry though because the contest ends Thursday, May 17.

I must admit that I don’t play too many games with my kids. Most of our board games are played once or twice and then sent to the closet of misfit toys due to missing pieces. We have a Disney DVD bingo game that my kids love and I can always count on it to give me a half an hour of peace before they tire of it.

We do have a new game that we hope to turn into a birthday tradition. For our kid’s birthdays we hide their presents, cards, and drawings from siblings around the house. Once it’s dark we turn out the lights and the birthday child has to use a flashlight to hunt down the birthday gifts. The siblings love hiding the gifts and the searching extends the gift opening process. Obviously this is a game that is only fun for kids who aren’t afraid of the dark.

If you have a favorite game to share head on over to Classic Kid’s Games to submit your post for the contest.

I had a great weekend. Saturday night I went to a 40th birthday party with my hubby. I slipped on a hoochie mama top, curled my hair, and wore perfume. It’s been too long since I’ve done that. I even had a few martinis which I don’t do often since the hangovers just aren’t worth it. It does seem that if you drink premium brands your hangover is much less that with the cheap house brands.

Most of our friends and family that were at the party haven’t seen me since my tummy tuck and new boobs. They were very complimentary and it felt good to feel so sexy. I haven’t felt that good about myself since before kids. What did suck is I could not dance without leaking pee. Sorry if that’s TMI. Nothing like peeing on yourself to knock you off your high horse.

We celebrated Mother’s Day with brunch at the Missouri Botanical garden. The food was great and the weather was phenomenal. We walked around the garden and played at the park. Trying to get a family photo with everyone looking at the camera and smiling was a challenge.

Do your kids own one of these? It’s a fetal shark in a bottle. I don’t know how they get them but it completely grosses me out. Despite my protests my hubby bought the kids one on one of our trips to Florida. He seems to think it’s a rite of passage to own a shark in a bottle. Of course the kids agreed with him. I warned hubby that I would withhold sex for a very long time if the thing broke in the suitcase. That was the most careful packing I’ve ever seen from the man. He bought bubble wrap and stole a hotel towel to wrap it in. Amazing what they can do if sex is on the line.

It made it.

My three older kids took turns taking it to school for show and tell. It was their prized possession so I patiently waited for the novelty to wear off so I could throw it away. Eventually it did and I happily chucked it into the trash. I shoved it under bags so the kids wouldn’t see it. I felt guilty but that subsided over the next few days and then it was forgotten. That was at least six months ago. I thought I was in the clear. Wrong! Out of the blue Isabelle asks where the shark was and I fessed up. How could I lie to that cute little face? I should have because she freaked. After lots of drama she decided to make her own except she couldn’t find a toy shark. That didn’t stop her. This is what she came up with.

Funny and disturbing. And yes she took it to show and tell. I don’t think they would sell in stores but Isabelle was quite proud of her creation. If you ask me it looks like something that belongs on a pro-life poster.

God love her! She’s quite a resourceful child.

Happy Mother’s Day! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend with lots of pampering from your family. Don’t forget to vote for me. You’ve been slacking and my ego needs stroking.

Lastly, here is a sneak peak at the new blog I’m working on with my sis. I’ve also started a cafepress store because I seem to be more manic than ever. I’m adding things weekly so stop by when you can.

Need a good laugh? Watch this Tube Granny video of a prank call to Walmart. It’s hysterical!

Okay, I had to do it. I had to post my breastfeeding photos. I get so tired of small minded people who are disgusted with breastfeeding and God forbid they might see a nipple. I’ve written before how ridiculous I think America is about boobs and breastfeeding. Jeez people, that’s what boobs were made for. If it weren’t for breastfeeding the population would have ceased long ago. The baby bottle wasn’t patented until 1841. I just don’t get what the big deal is. Maybe it’s because I’m a nurse and I can look at a naked body and see it as just that, not a sexual object. I can differentiate the two. Breasts are not only sexual objects but also a means to feed an infant. I breastfed all four of my kids and also occasionally supplemented with formula with the exception of my first. I personally don’t care how you choose to feed your baby as long as you feed it.

Why do I bring this up? Because once again there is an uproar about a mother breastfeeding in public. This time it’s a celebrity, Maggie Gyllenhaal.

The Queen of Spain Blog has posted a photo of her boobs in support of Maggie and has encouraged those of us that agree that a boob is a boob to do the same. So I had to do it. I love my boobs. I feel sorry for those who think breastfeeding is wrong or dirty. Obviously they never gave it a try because the first time I did it I did not have one sexual thought in my mind. I was completely amazed. I loved watching my babies grow and fatten up just from my milk. I didn’t realize that some people found it offensive until I became a breast feeder. My mother was the first to give me that disgusted look. This is the same woman who told me sex and masturbation were dirty bad things. Her teachings backfired because I grew up to be a sexually open person with very little hangups in that area. I’m able to view my boobs as being sexual and for nourishing an infant just not at the same time. When I’m nursing my hubby knows my boobs are off limits and when I wean he gets his toys back.

I do understand that breastfeeding makes some people uncomfortable. That’s why I tried to be as discreet as possible when nursing in public but I have no issue with women who whip it out in full view either. Look away people! Get your mind out of the gutter. It’s just a boob and on occasion you might get a peek of a nipple. Call it obscene if you want but you are the one with the issue. Leave us moms alone. We got enough things to feel guilty about.

Sorry, I’ve gotten carried away. Here’s my photos in support of Maggie. These are of my firstborn. I unfortunately don’t have photos of me nursing my other three and I wish I did.

I love my boobs.

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