What is it with me and drama? I must have a neon light flashing I’M A PUSHOVER on my back. I had the purse drama last weekend and this weekend it was clueless workers destroying my house drama.

I’m having my shower replaced in the master bath plus some exterior work on the house. The shower is coming along with few glitches but what is being done on the outside has turned into a nightmare. There is a gal who does a lot of work in our subdivision. She cleans, paints, and does yard work. She has always done a nice job so when she came to me and asked me to do her a favor and hire her son because he needed money to keep from being evicted I said yes without hesitation. That was mistake number one. He did a terrible job painting our front door and had to redo it twice before his mom came to his rescue and repainted it. It looks like shit from being scraped twice and there’s paint on the porch and brick. By this time we had paid the guy for 90% of the job and he only did 25% because he played on our heart strings about how down and out he is. Turns out he didn’t use some of what we paid him to buy the mulch we needed. He spent it and then didn’t have money to buy mulch and we weren’t about to give him anymore money. His mom took him off the job and bought the mulch that we paid her son to buy. She promised to make all his mistakes right. Mistake number two. We should have cut our losses then and let her go. Instead all her trying to make things “right” has snowballed into everything being wrong. We are left with a ruined front porch because they used muriatic acid to get the paint off the concrete floor of the porch. Now it is stained and we will need to have it painted or refinished to cover the staining. The boards around our garage still need to be replaced and we are not sure about how we are going to fix the siding that came off in jagged hunks when they removed the old boards. They also busted a sprinkler head and burned a hole in a chair cushion. There is so much more but I don’t have the energy to write it all.

My husband decided it was time to cut our losses and fire them and now we have to find someone to come fix this mess. This woman was terribly upset and cried because she’s never been fired from a job before. It really sucked because I really like her and hate to see her hurt. The lesson I’ve learned? To only hire professionals to paint or do carpentry.

Other drama I had was dealing with Madeline at her dance recital this weekend. She’s been off her ADHD medication for about two weeks and this weekend was proof more than ever that this child needs this medication. I got a taste of the Madeline that we were dealing with prior to starting the meds and quite honestly I can’t deal. She was hyper, impulsive, would not listen to me, and was argumentative. She would talk loud and was attention seeking. Also her tics had come back that day with a vengeance. It felt like all I was doing was telling her to not do this and not do that because so much of her behavior is socially unacceptable. I got so frustrated with her that I was mean. I told her that I can’t stand when she acts this way and that she is taking her pills whether she likes it or not. I feel bad. I hate when I lose my cool like that.

It was a long day. We were there from 9:30am until 10pm on Saturday and noon until ten on Sunday. She performed eleven times on Saturday. It was a lot and we were both crabby. Her MoJo was off and during her favorite dance number she fell during a flipover with her partner. They had nailed this move every time before now. I stopped feeling nervous about it because they seem to have it down. It was the last straw for Madeline. She’s a perfectionist like her mother and I knew it would rock her world. She came off the stage and tried to hide her embarrassment by being flippant and stating she meant to mess up. I guess in a nine year old’s mind that makes sense. As soon as she saw me she cried and I wanted to cry too. It took everything I had to not fall apart with her. She claimed to not feel well. She often claims to have a sore throat and a stomach ache whenever she’s not feeling “right”. It took me awhile to figure out that her inability to cope manifests in physical symptoms.

I apologized for being short with her earlier and told her that I understand why she’s not feeling good on the inside. When she has days like this it seems to me that she has an “itch” or icky feeling inside and moving a lot, talking loud, and her tics are a way for her to cope or hide what she’s feeling inside. It reminds me of my nephew who refused to poop on the toilet for awhile. He would hold his bowels and to deal with the uncomfortable feeling he would move around a lot and appear hyper. Unfortunately for Madeline this behavior can be annoying to adults and to me in particular.

We left the theater for an hour to get some fresh air and a change of scenery. I filled her up with water and food. We drove around and danced in the car to her favorite music. By the time we got back she felt better and mentally was ready to perform again. She did great until it was time for the dance number that she previously fell during. I knew she had psyched herself out when she told me that she hated this dance. I sent her on stage knowing she had already convinced herself she would fall again and sure enough she did. As she tumbled to the floor my heart broke in a million pieces. I knew she would have a hard time shaking it. She came off stage announcing that she laughed when she fell in an attempt to cover up her embarrassment. I reassured her that no one was laughing at her and that we were all relieved that she didn’t hurt herself. I reminded her that these things happen and ran down the list of things that went wrong in other numbers. There were other girls who fell or lost a shoe. One poor girl’s strap broke on her top while on stage. It happens. I told her I was proud of how she got up and continued dancing without missing a beat. She’s been dancing for 7 years and this was the first time she ever fell on stage. I told her that all dancers have a fall or embarrassing stage moment to tell. This seemed to make her feel better.

We had a good talk on the ride home about resuming her medication. She agreed to take it at night with food in hopes that she would sleep through any tummy discomfort. She has slept like a rock on the floor next to my bed for two nights so I’m hopeful that I can keep her on the medication. I have to admit that I like the medicated Madeline so much better than the non-medicated one. We get along better, less arguments, and I truly enjoy hanging out with her. What makes me the saddest about Madeline’s issues is that if I have moments that I don’t like her then there must be other adults that don’t like her either. In fact there is one mom that both Madeline and I can feel she does not like her. Her daughter is the exact opposite of Madeline and I don’t think she understands Madeline because her daughter’s issues are so different from Madeline’s. I’m realizing that I need to stay away from moms that can’t deal or understand what’s going on with Madeline. I hate feeling that she thinks Madeline behaves the way she does because I’m a bad mom. Madeline also picks up on it and her behavior worsens when she’s around people that make her feel unaccepted. I have enough doubts and uncertainties with raising a child with neurobehavioral issues that I don’t need another mom adding to it. It really sucks for me to feel embarrassed of Madeline’s behavior or to always be second guessing my parenting skills. I never thought I would feel this way. I try really hard to accept my kids for who they are and to nurture what they want to be. It’s all those damn other moms who are so quick to judge my situation when all isn’t perfect in their backyard either. I’m lucky to have several friends who look for the wonderful qualities of Madeline rather than the annoying ones. And I’m lucky to have her, Tourette’s, OCD, ADHD and all. She is full of so much love and has a heart of gold. She is very compassionate and caring. These are traits that only those that she feels accepted by get to see. She also heals me. I grew up in a family that did not hug or kiss. I don’t even remember ever hearing “I love you” from my parents. I do my best to shower my kids with hugs, kisses and I love you’s but I’m sure I could do it more often. Madeline helps remind me to show my love for them because she’s always hugging and kissing me. She’s also super generous with I love you’s. She does my heart good and I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. I just hope I don’t mess her up too bad. She’s my firstborn and I’m still trying to figure out this parenting gig.

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