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Jack passed away at 1:30 this morning. I’m so very sad. Knowing I would have supportive comments to read is what got me out of bed today. Thank you my blogging friends.

I haven’t told the kids yet. I’m such a coward.

Out of the blue this morning Madeline says, “I didn’t like when so and so talked about us getting a new puppy after Sonny dies.”

“Why?” I asked.

“I don’t want Sonny to die” she replied.

This is going to be hard.

I’m back from BlogHer! I had a great weekend and lots of stories and photos to share but at the moment I am consumed with grief over my hubby’s nephew. He is six and has battled leukemia since he was nine months old. He is currently losing his battle after two bone marrow transplants and numerous rounds of chemo. His family are holding a bedside vigil as they wait for this sweet little boy to sprout his angel wings and fly to heaven. Finally an end to his suffering. And you know what? I’m fucking pissed about it. He’s just a baby and his body has been poison since the day he was born. I’m struggling to make sense of why this happens to children as my heart is breaking in a million pieces for his parents. He has been so brave, sweet, and amazing throughout it all. I’m so sorry little man. After all you’ve endured your time has come too soon.

I must admit that I didn’t think this day would come. I’ve known for months that there was nothing more that could be done for him other than make him comfortable. I put it out of my mind and hoped and prayed for a miracle. But here it is and now I’ve got to be a grownup and deal. What the fuck do I tell my kids? How do I help them make sense of it when I can’t myself? This is going to be a permanent blip in their lives and I don’t want to mess it up. How sucky for them that they are going to lose a cousin and their dog within months of each other. What a bunch of crap that is.

What in the world do I say to Jack’s parents and grandparents? I’m sorry? I’m sorry that you got a raw deal in life and that you will never see your son grow up, go to prom or get married. I mean seriously, this is so unfair. I hate watching them go through this and feeling so clueless as how to help especially since I have four thriving children. What in the world do I say?

Thank you my blogging friends for letting me ramble on. I would appreciate your wisdom, book suggestions for my kids, and your own experiences to help me navigate through this. I already know I can count on your support.

Only a few days until BlogHer! I’m nervous (what do I wear?!) but excited. How cool to meet bloggers that I have connected with in the past year. I’m also feeling a little stressed. I have a laundry list of things to do.

1. Figure out what I’m going to wear.
2. Paint my nails black.
3. Lose 10 lbs.
4. Figure out what I’m going to wear.
5. Arrange carpool for my kids.
6. Buy a birthday gift for a party the girls will be attending.
7. Figure out what I’m going to wear.
8. Grocery shop so my family doesn’t starve.
9. Write a three page detailed instruction manual for hubby.
10. Figure out what I’m going to wear.
11. Get a spray tan so my pasty white skin doesn’t blind anyone.
12. Go shopping for something to wear.

I could have gotten started on my list today if it weren’t for the BBQ we hosted tonight for my hubby’s client. I spent the day cleaning since my cleaning girl’s car broke down. Doesn’t that figure? I cooked and clean while taking care of my kids plus a couple of neighbor kids while I called my hubby bad names under my breath.

Our dinner guests were an hour late and then they wouldn’t leave. My kids had fun since their kids are the same age but I was tortured for three hours. The wife of my hubby’s client was nice but our conversations were work for me and one sided. She would talk my head off if I asked her a question about her or her kids. Otherwise she didn’t say anything or ask me any questions. I know where her kids go to school, how she found out she was pregnant with her third, their family vacations, that she’s in a mom’s group (gag), her girl’s play basketball, and she hides chocolate. What did she learn about me? That I also hide chocolate.

She also kept looking at my boobs. I don’t know if it was a nervous habit or if she was trying to figure out if they are real or not.

The worst part of the evening was that something I ate didn’t sit right with me. I had to poop so bad. I held it in while she went on and on with useless tidbits about her family as I tried to look interested. I thought I was going to explode.

They eventually left. I told my hubby about my torture and that next time we will take them out to eat so we can leave when we want. I made a comment about how I’ve got a lot to do to get ready for my trip. Do you know what his response was?

“What do you have to do?”

Don’t you hate when they ask dumb questions like that? According to him I don’t have enough to be stressed about but yet he keeps reminding me to write his how to do my job instruction manual.

Men suck.

Do you like my nifty BlogHer or Bust graphic? I borrowed it from Absolutely Bananas. She might even take me for a ride in it as long as I don’t mind her singing On The Road Again.

Lastly, there is this Blogme thingy where I tell about myself in 10 seconds. I believe mocha momma started it but I can’t get her site to load. Anyone else having that problem?

Me in 10 seconds

I’m a nurse on hiatus to raise kids.
I have 1 hubby, 4 kids, 1 dog, 2 bunnies, 2 hamsters, 2 fish, and 100 sea monkeys.
I bleach my hair which my sis thinks I’m too old to be doing. I think it makes me look younger.
I drink Grey Goose cosmopolitans. (In case you want to buy me a drink).
I’m shy and awkward when I first meet people. Once I’m comfortable you can’t shut me up.
When I’m nervous I have trouble forming intelligible sentences and come off as a dumb blonde.
I can’t go a day without chocolate and I’m addicted to Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper.
What else do you want to know?

A few things to know if you are participating in the BlogHer Scavenger Hunt.

1. I’m wearing black nail polish.
2. I’ll be using a pink cell phone.
3. My name is Kristie.
4. My shoe size is a 7 1/2 or 8.

Rock on!

I have just read the most heartbreaking story of a family who just lost their six year old, Hannah in a drowning accident. My heart simply aches for this family. I do not know them and today was my first time to Hannah’s mother’s blog. I’m so touched by the love and strength of this family. Hannah’s mother, Rachd has a beautiful and poignant way of expressing her pain and describing Hannah. Through her words, photos, and videos I feel like I know Hannah; a vibrant, sparkly little girl who loved flowers and all things girly. The family has asked those who attend her funeral to wear their fanciest Hannah clothes; tiaras, boas, sequins, and fairy wings. Their wish is to fill the funeral home with Hannah’s spirit and rejoice in it. The beautiful thing is that I already feel Hannah’s spirit spread through the blogosphere with all the comments, posts, thoughts and prayers for this family. I think we all will be hugging our children a little tighter. Please stop by and offer this family your condolences, thoughts, and prayers. After reading Hannah’s story you may never look at a wildflower or frog the same way again.

I’m a bit late with this post. But better late than never. Right? It seems that a few of you think that not only am I a rockin’ awesome blogger but also a schmoozer.

My good blogging friends Mert and Janet have awarded me this:

I never thought of myself as a schmoozer. Quite the opposite. Ass kissing is not in my nature. I’m known for telling it like it is. But the blogosphere has a different definition:

I’ve also been awarded this from The Queen of Mayhem:

and this from Life With Heathens, Surviving Motherhood, and The Mommy Chronicles:

Thank you! I think you all rock!

I had hard time finding bloggers who haven’t received one of these. It seems that most of the blogoshpere is awesome or rocks.

Here are my picks that I think have not received one yet. If you are a loyal reader of mine and have not been tagged yet then consider yourself “it”.

1. Natasha from The Pink Report. We met over a direct marketing scam and have been friends since. She has built an amazing business as a free business mentor and I’m very proud of her.
2. Sierra from Big Dreams and Pixie Dust. What an interesting and strong woman. She’s currently racing over a mountain.
3. Mrs. L from Those Weird Homeschoolers. Nothing weird about her and I love her love for animals. Keep rockin’ girl!
4. Shauna from Up In The Night. Not only do I love her blog but she leaves great comments.

I’m afraid my Sonny Boy is going faster than expected. In the last few days I’ve noticed some swelling on the bridge of his nose which means the tumor is growing that fast. On a positive note he’s still eating and will engage in play. He takes a dip in the pool every morning:

We are assuming he’s having pain and have started him on pain meds. We are doing our best to give him Doggie Heaven here on earth before he goes to the real one.

I’m quite sad about losing our Sonny Boy so I pass the time with things that make me laugh. I recently watched the webisodes from In The Motherhood. I had been avoiding watching them because I was bitter that my story didn’t get picked but I’m over it now. Have you seen them? They are hysterical! I can so relate. Episode 5 is my favorite but the airplane, chapstick, and poop incidents in the other episodes are also worthy of a mention. I love Kim’s list of priorities to her hubby, Matt.

1. Me time
2. Fabric time
3. Matt time

I could so hang out with these gals. Heather is my idol!

Watching the webisodes sparked a conversation between me and my sis about how moms should be more supportive. I know I have gotten on this soapbox before but you are going to hear it again. It’s an important message. Why aren’t moms more supportive of one another? Are we so insecure in our own parenting that when we see another mom struggling that standing in judgement of her makes us feel better?

My sis had an incident yesterday while out to lunch with her two and four year old. The two year old was a handful for her. Another mom watched my sis struggle to get a control of the situation. To make it worse she pulled her child close and cuddled her as if to make a point of her perfect mother-child relationship.

I hate when moms are judgemental and non-supportive. Why is it so hard to give a sympathetic glance or words of encouragement? If you can’t do that then look away. Act as if you don’t notice.

My sis got an opportunity today to make a mom feel less stressed and incompetent. The mom was trying to leave her child at camp but he was having a major meltdown about her leaving. He cried to the point that he threw up. The other moms stood in horror as if their child never throws up. My sis was the only one to give her a sympathetic look and say, “It’s okay. It happens to all of us.”

Whenever my kids act up and I feel those judgemental glances it makes the situation so much more stressful for me. The more stressed I am the more my kids pick up on it which causes them to act out more and for me to get more stressed. I end up looking like an incompetent Joan Crawford.

To make my sis feel better I told her about an incident where I completely lost it. I was at story time at a book store with three of my kids who were all under three and a half. That in itself is stressful. The baby needed to be nursed and just as I’m putting him on all Hell broke loose. My other two started to fight over a book. My attempt to stop it was failing. I got stressed which kept my milk from letting down. The baby was crying, my nineteen month old was screaming to be held, and my three year old was having a full blown temper tantrum on the floor. I put screaming baby in the sling, nineteen month old on hip and attempted to pick up the screaming one when she kicked me in the face. That was the last straw. I could feel all the other moms staring at me and of course in my mind they were also whispering about me. My head did a 360 and as I spewed green vomit I yelled, “WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!” Definitely not one of my finer moments.

Now pass me a chokeable.

Sex education at the Slacker house.

While driving I noticed in my rear view mirror that Connor and Isabelle were trying to determine who had bigger nipples between the two of them.

Connor: Mine are bigger now but when you grow up yours will get big so your baby can suck on them.

Isabelle pulls out her swimsuit top to make it look like she has big boobs: Like this?

Connor: Yeah and you’ll get a big penis.

Isabelle: No silly! I’m a girl. I’m going to have a hairy pee pee. Mom, why will I get hair on my pee pee?

Me: Because we are mammals and mammals have hair. As you get older you will grow hair on your labia and under your arms. Connor will also grow hair…

They were not at all impressed with my explanation. They fell into a fit of giggles about Connor growing a mustache.

Note to self: Put parental control on this site after kids go to bed.

Isabelle comes across this photo while looking through my People magazine.

Isabelle: Look mom, they are having sex.

Me: They are not having sex. They are trying to look sexy.

Isabelle: Why is she grabbing her butt like that?

Me: Good question. She looks ridiculous. Doesn’t she?

I changed the subject. Yes I know, a lost opportunity to have “the talk”. My sister has already given me a hard time about it.

I didn’t ask her what having sex means because quite honestly I don’t want her to know yet. She is only seven. It is possible a friend may have told her the big secret of sex although I doubt it. My kids seem to have no problem telling me things they shouldn’t. I can see Isabelle coming to tell me that a penis goes in a vagina as if she was telling me something I didn’t know. My cousin gave me the sex talk when I was six and I can remember wishing she hadn’t. I hated thinking my mom and dad did that. Kids today are seeing much more sexual imagery than I did. It doesn’t take them long to figure out that something goes on between a half dressed man and woman.

Moving along.

Let’s talk about the Beckham photo spread for W magazine. What is up with that? There is no doubt he is quite the hottie but the Mrs Beckham? She’s just not doing it for me. Does this woman ever smile?

Let’s take a closer look at these photos. David is oozing sex in the first photo but what’s going on with her? Why is she grabbing her leg like that? I don’t find her pose at all sexy. She looks like she’s in pain. Is she supposed to look like she’s having an orgasm? Are we to assume that there’s a vibrator in her right hand?

Is this supposed to make men want to bend her like Beckham? C’mon! I couldn’t resist.

Dang! Isn’t he afraid he might break her? Does she even weigh 100 pounds?

Put some weight on, girl! You can fit a couch in the space between your legs.

This first shot is totally hot. I have to get my hubby some underwear like that. What’s up with Victoria and the grandma panties?

Huh? I don’t get this one at all. What’s up with the cape?

What do you think of this photo spread? Hot or not?

It’s Monday. A new week and I’m doing much better than last week. It’s noon and I haven’t cried once today about my precious, Sonny. That’s quite an improvement! Thank you for all your support. The advice, comments, emails, and phone calls are very much appreciated. Sonny is feeling better from his procedure. The bleeding is minimal and he’s eating well.

Do you realize BlogHer is in 11 days? I’ve been so preoccupied with Sonny that I haven’t given much thought to it. Now I’m panicking. From what I hear it’s best to take business cards to BlogHer otherwise I will be writing my url on squares of toilet paper. I just ordered them and I’m hoping they will be here in time. I didn’t do a typical business card. I chose to do something a little more unique and I hope others will find it as funny as I do. I’ll post a photo once I receive them. Do you remember this scene from American Psycho?

I had wanted to drop 10 lbs by BlogHer but that didn’t happen. In fact I gained about 7 lbs and it’s all in my ass! What will I wear? How much cleavage is too much? I bought a tank from my cafepress store with “slackermommy” across the front but it looks like crap. It has a crisp circle around the words from the “heat transfer” which really means iron-on. This was the first time that I’ve ever ordered from my store. The other two items I bought were also of poor quality. The ink was blurry on some of the edges and had black ink smudges where black ink shouldn’t be. Is their stuff always this crappy? I apologize to any of you who have bought from my store. How was the quality? I hope you got your money back. Does anyone know the quality of Zazzle?

I’m so sad. Sonny, our beloved dog has a nasal tumor. He presented with a cough in March that did not respond to two rounds of antibiotics. Then around the end of May he started bleeding from the nose. He was put back on antibiotics and the bleeding stopped for about a week. We checked his blood counts, clotting factors, tick titres, and chest x-rays. Everything came back normal for an old dog. Skull x-rays showed a mass of some sort in the left side. I prayed that the mass was a fungus or infection but and MRI and rhinoscopy performed yesterday showed a tumor. I won’t know until Monday when the biopsy comes back what kind of carcinoma we are dealing with. The tumor is very aggressive and quite large. Radiation may be an option. I was all for the radiation until I found out that the closest hospital that offers animal radiation is two hours away. That would mean we would have to leave Sonny at that hospital for at least four weeks. We could bring him home on weekends but with four kids and our hectic schedule it would be difficult to do it every weekend. Not to mention Sonny would be miserable. He has a hard time being away from us. When I left him yesterday for his procedure he cried and sat on my feet and would not budge. We had to trick him in order for me to leave. It broke my heart and I cried all the way home.

I am so terribly grief stricken. I don’t do death well. Isn’t that a dumb thing to write? Who does do death well? What I mean is I’m such a crybaby. I cry at Hallmark commercials for crying out loud! Pun intended. When I worked in the ICU I was the nurse who did the ugly cry with families when a loved one passed away. My poor kids don’t know what to think of me. They know I cry easy but they’ve never seen me this upset. They are trying to make sense of what is happening to Sonny. I’ve got the book Dog Heaven for them but I’m going to wait until I can read it without crying. Isn’t amazing how our pets steal our hearts?

Sonny was our first baby. We got him a couple months before we were married. The house we live in is the house he was born in. The previous owners bred Golden Retrievers. We came to see Sonny and saw that the house was for sale. We bought both of them. I can’t imagine not having him here anymore. In fact my hubby wants to move once he passes.

Me and hubby had a long talk tonight about what we should do for Sonny and have decided to forgo the radiation. If we asked Sonny what he wanted his answer would be no. He would hate to be away from us for so long and I shudder at the thought of him being afraid and alone. He’s old. If he was younger and the hospital was down the street we would do it without question. So our decision is to give him the best of what time he has left. He has been such a blessing to our family. The most loving, loyal and sweet natured dog that I have ever met. He’s so happy to just be. To be sitting next to me. To be petted. To be fed treats. He has been so good with the kids. In fact I think he thinks he’s a kid. He goes crazy at the window if the kids are outside without him. If he was in the car when I dropped the kids off at school he would cry when they got out of the car. He has endured the kids sitting on him, poking him, and dressing him up. I’m going to miss how he sits by the window waiting for us to come home. I’m going to miss how Marigrace sits next to him and shares her snacks. I’m going to miss how he follows me from room to room. Even if he’s fast asleep he will get up and come find me. I’m going to miss seeing his sweet face every day. I’m going to miss him.

With what time he has left we are going to let him swim in the pool and sit on the furniture. He is going to eat like a king and have all the leftovers he wants. I promise to love on him several times a day and not take him for granted. He has been such a gift to us. He deserves his last couple of months with us to be the best they can be.

God, am I going to miss him. Damn it.

I have met a great gal on Maya’s Mom. Her name is Natalie Badolato. She considers herself an average mom from Long Island with a husband of 18 years and 3 great kids and one granddaughter. She thinks The View needs her point of view; that of the average mom. I couldn’t agree with her more! She has such a bubbly and magnetic personality that when I found out she’s on a quest to be a co-host on The View I volunteered to be her campaign manager. She was a guest host this past February and did a fantastic job. She’s definitely a natural!

The View is currently looking for a new co-host. I think they could use a fresh view and what’s better than a non-celebrity? Natalie is the perfect person to represent “us”. If you agree then help me spread the word.

How you can help:

1. Go to Extratv.com and leave a comment in support of Natalie
2. Go to ABC.com. When the page opens, you will see a link under Elisabeth’s picture called “ask a viewmaster” Click on that link and leave a message telling them that you think they should bring Natalie back to co-host.
3. Stalk ABC. Call 212-456-7777 Ask them to please bring Natalie Badolato back as a co-host.
4. Sign the petition.
5. Place one of these buttons in your sidebar and link it back here.

You can find her video clips from when she previously co-hosted here. Just scroll down to The View.

Thanks for your support!

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