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I’ve been doing a lot of confessing lately and now I want to hear your slacker mom confessions. No rolling your eyes. You know you’ve got one. Get it off your chest. Let me commiserate with you. Come on, come out and play with me. Let’s make this fun.

That’s right. I’m having a Slacker Mom Confessions Contest and I challenge you to beat my latest slacker mom confession. Remember the poop I left in the tub for three days? (Which I don’t recommend because it requires some major scrubbing to remove it from the tub.)

Here’s the gist of it if you missed the poop in the tub saga. No, it was not my poop. My little Marigrace left me the lovely present during her bath. Being the slacker mom that I am I did not clean it right away. I thought I would get to it later but I forgot and continued to forget as my family grew more and more disgusted. It became the Great Poop Standoff between me and my hubby. There was no way he was going to clean it up. It happened on my shift so it was my mess to clean. I did eventually clean it and now it’s a funny story to tell. I even have a funny baby pooping in the tub video for your viewing pleasure.

So here’s the poop, I mean scoop, on the contest. Leave your slacker mom confession in my comments or write about it on your blog. You can be funny or serious. Let’s let down our hair and poke fun at being a mom. I know I can use some comic relief.

I will choose a winner at random who will receive a Chit Chat and Chew Chocolate Chip Cookie Kit from Chit Chat Brands. I recently learned about this product and it really appealed to me. I’m a big believer of having family traditions and these kits are a great way to start a new family tradition. They encourage bonding through a series of thought-provoking questions and engaging activities.

I have fond memories of chatting while baking with my great-grandma when I was little. I loved asking her about what life was like for her when she was a child or telling her about my day. Having that one on one attention meant the world to me.

Now I occasionally bake with my kids but haven’t done a very good job of making it a fond memory. I often feel too hurried or frazzled. These kits are a helpful reminder to slow down and spend some real quality time with our kids. It’s hard to be a slacker mom when you have Chit Chat Cue Cards guiding you.

Now ‘fess up!

Yesterday was my 37th birthday.

The older I get the less important my birthday is for me. I think moms especially have a tendency to blow off their birthday. It’s just like another day to me but my hubby and kids did a nice job of making the day special. That’s one thing my mom always did right as I was growing up. She would make such a big deal about our birthdays. When she was growing up her family did not celebrate birthdays so birthday acknowledgement was a gift she strongly felt she needed to pass onto her own children. She did a great job of making us feel special even though there were times our dad would find a reason to be mad at us so he could get out of participating in our celebration. Me and my sis think it was because he was so cheap and didn’t want to buy us a present. Who knows? It may not have been about us at all but because he wanted to ruin something that was important to our mom.

I’ve carried on the tradition of making birthdays a big deal with my own family. And I don’t mean big elaborate parties but to just make the person having the birthday feel special. The whole day is about them starting off with a “Happy Birthday” wake-up call. They choose what restaurant to celebrate at or what meal they want cooked at home and we always give gifts. I think it’s important to give each other something to let the other know that they are special. It isn’t about the gift but about the idea that they took the the time and thought to buy or make you something. We often exchange gifts of things we don’t normally buy ourselves and personalized things such as a photo booth picture of all the kids, engraved picture frame, something handmade, or love coupons.

My day was not all about me because I had to be a mom but there was plenty of “special”. Midwestern Mommy gave me a shout out, I received multiple birthday shout outs from Maya’s Mom, and several birthday emails and phone calls. Even the cards from my insurance guy make me feel special. Aren’t I easy?

My good friend Vicki had me shedding happy tears by taking the time to make me a Happy Birthday video. She makes a mention of getting me a gift but the video was better than any gift. I tear up every time I watch it. She even used my man JT for background music and she can sing. Rock on, Vicki! I loved it.

My favorite part of my birthday was how excited my kids get about giving me my gifts. In fact they gave me my gifts on the eve of my birthday because they could not wait. My hubby has made it a tradition to take the kids to the mall to pick out my gifts. They really look forward to it and I love how well they know me by what they decide to buy. I got my favorite Godiva dark chocolate and some gaudy leopard print earrings. They picked out bubble bath and lotions from Bath and Body Works that they thought I would like. Blog Antagonist recently wrote about being a product whore and I can relate because I’m a Bath and Body Works whore. Have you all signed up for the mailing list? You should because the coupons they send rock! You know how I like my free samples and coupons. My hubby used one of my coupons and got me a suede bag that retails for $50 and about $20 worth of free product inside just for spending a certain amount. It puts Estee Lauder’s free gift to shame.

They also gave me a beautiful silver ornate jewelry box that had a heart and their names engraved on it. Madeline was very proud of it because she chose the engraved design. I also got the sweetest card from Isabelle. It was more like a book and she had been secretly working on it for days. I just love how excited they get and I hope they are learning that giving can be just as fun if not more fun than receiving. A mom can hope, right?

Connor was pretty sweet with making sure his mama was being taken care of. My hubby wakes me at 7 am so I can get everyone ready for school but Connor scolded my hubby. He told him that it’s my birthday and I should get to sleep in. My hubby’s response was that he doesn’t get to sleep in on his birthday and I laughed out loud when I heard Connor say, “This isn’t about you, Dad.”

I also got cards and a gift from my parents. That was the worst part of my day. I would rather that they would not acknowledge my birthday but I know my mom. She can’t do that. It is so true that absence makes the heart grow fonder because it’s so easy for me to romanticize how nice it would be to have a relationship with them and to forget just how toxic they are. I don’t know if I will ever get over the sadness of no longer having them in my life although I know it’s for the best. I have such a hard time understanding why it can’t work. Why does it have to be so hard for people to get along? Mental illness sucks and what sucks more is the enablers surrounding the mentally ill person which prevent everyone from healing.

All in all it was a good day. I have lots to be thankful for and thank you to all of you who helped make my day special with your kind words.

Now I must go eat a big piece of chocolate cake.

I’m going to do something I said that I would never do; I’m going political on my blog. At this point I have no idea who I’m going to vote for and I wouldn’t tell you if I did. What I do feel strongly about is education reform which is going to be a hot topic in our next election. And it should be.

My kids currently attend a catholic private school. I chose it not only for the religion but because I had concerns about the parish and public school in our area. Teacher turnover is high, class sizes are large, and test scores are low. I feared my kids would get lost. They are slow learners with varying degrees of processing issues but don’t qualify as learning disabled which means the public school won’t give them special ed services.

The school they attend has small class sizes and highly educated teachers. The majority of them have their masters degree and many of them have been with our school more than ten years. My kids get the one on one teaching that they need and deserve. I’m fortunate that I can afford their school. Most of America cannot afford private schools or tutors. In fact, those in need of the best teaching are getting the worst. That makes me sad. A good education shouldn’t be a privilege but a right.

Thankfully I’m not the only one who feels this way. Strong American Schools, a project of Rockefeller Philanthropy Advisors, is a nonpartisan campaign supported by The Eli and Edythe Broad Foundation and the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation promoting sound education policies for all Americans. Say that ten times fast.

Strong American Schools goal is for a serious nationwide debate on education reform where every presidential candidate addresses three priorities that hold great promise for improving education:

• Agreeing on American education standards

• Providing effective teachers in every classroom

• Giving students more time and support for learning

You can find out more by visiting the Ed in 08 site. They have a petition to sign, tee shirts, education statistics for each state and blog bling.

Did you know that half of Latino and African Americans don’t graduate from high school? Those who do graduate often don’t have the proper skills to be successful in the work place. My state has a 75% high school graduation rate with only a 30% college readiness rate. Those rates are actually among the highest in the nation. Pretty scary, people.

I’m super late with sharing the blog love that has been passed to me by some of my favorite bloggers. My life is super busy with all my projects, four kids, school auction crap, and a bunch of other things that are overwhelming my life right now. Does this qualify me as a Super Mom or just a Super Dumb Mom for taking too much on? Thank God the smart discipline approach we have implemented is working out very well.

Anyhoo, here are my awards:

Mert from Almost Somewhat Positive gave me the Courageous Blogger Award. This is probably my most deserving award since I don’t mind airing my dirty laundry or writing what most people only think to themselves on my blog. I just hope it doesn’t get me into trouble some day. If I does, feel free to award me The Dumb Blogger Award.

I’m passing this award to:

Mom-O-Matic
I love how she fearlessly writes about her weight, body issues, sex, and antidepressants.

Suburban Oblivion
I love how she’s taking on Bill Maher and his stupid breastfeeding vs masturbation comment.

i obsess
My girl crush. She has such a gift of putting so much emotion behind her words. I respect and admire how she’s been sharing her feelings about her recent ADHD diagnosis.

Jenster’s Musings
Jen has been through a lot but manages to keep a positive and humorous outlook throughout.

Where’s My Cape passed me the Rockin’ Blogger Award which I’m passing on to these rockin’ bitches. I spent a lot of time with these bloggers at BlogHer so I have first hand experience on how much they rock.

Don’t Take The Repeats, Mamma Loves, Sticking To The Point, Can We Kick The Bar Here, Ellinetha, Ruthless In The Suburbs, The Blogess, and IzzyMom.

Canape from Don’t Take The Repeats thinks I’m nice. Isn’t that nice? Should I pass this back to her for being so nice?

I’m passing this on to these nice bloggers:

Momish, Ramblings Of Maggie, Those Weird Homeschoolers, A Bun’s Life, Adventures Of A Drama Queen In Denial, Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck, Midwestern Mommy, Steel Magnolias

I’m most proud of this award from Absolutely Bananas. Here are the blogs that I think kick ass:

Where’s My Cape, Queen Of The Mayhem, Lawyer Mama, Kevin Charnas, Gaining Balance, Because I Said So, Almost Somewhat Positive, Blogs Are Stupid.

Spread the love, my peeps!

Check out my contest that ends this Sunday and my fab finds over at Lipstick to Crayons. Don’t forget to sign up with Vocalpoint to get free samples.

I’ve been writing a lot lately about my discipline woes and my good intentions to debrat my kids. You have all been very supportive and some of you have left me comments about what discipline tactics work for your family. I really appreciate it since I need all the help I can get.

I’ve decided to hold a contest in honor of my quest to improve my discipline methods. I’d love to know more about your tried and true discipline tactics. Although I’m a parenting book addict I prefer to borrow tactics from friends and family that seem to work for them. These are the ones that are the most successful for me. I’m guessing because I’m more willing to make it work since I’ve seen it work for a friend. I recently shared my tip for turning a tantrum off instantly by pulling out a camera or camcorder on the offending child. Works every time in my house. Some days I wear my camera around my neck as a friendly reminder to my brats kids that tantrums will be recorded.

Another tactic that has been effective for a good friend of mine is to make your kids write a letter about their behavior. Her son kept forgetting his notebook at school so she would have him write 25 times on paper that he will not forget his notebook. On the third day he came home from school and immediately asked for a piece of paper because he once again forgot his notebook. He hasn’t forgotten again since that day. I am so stealing this one.

The contest will run through the weekend. All you have to do is either leave your tried and true discipline tactic in my comments or write about it on your blog. I’ll randomly choose a winner at midnight on Sunday, September 23. The winner will have their choice of one of these adorable tooth fairy pillows kindly donated from Avannabel Baby. They retail for $58 so even if you don’t need a frou frou tooth fairy pillow it would make a great gift for some girly girl.

Feel free to be funny such as locking your kids up in the dog’s crate. We all need a little humor to get through the day.

The Parent Bloggers Network recently offered up a gig with Vocalpoint. I didn’t hesitate at jumping on board since I’ve been a very happy member of Vocalpoint since February 2006.

What is this Vocalpoint thing, you ask?

Vocalpoint is a marketing service that offers relevant, provocative information about products and services. It’s a site to influence and learn from moms like us. They have message boards, focus groups, and surveys so us moms can have a say about products we have or want. The best part of Vocalpoint is the free samples and coupons they send their members. It’s not crappy stuff either. In the last month I’ve received the Meerkat Manor DVD and buy one get one free Vanilla Coke coupons. They are very generous with their coupons and will send you several so you can share them with friends and family. Or keep them for yourself which I admit I’ve done if it’s something I buy often.

Signing up is easy peasy lemon squeezy. No spam or bad side effects. I promise. Would slackermommy steer you wrong?

So what does this have to do with me needing a vacuum cleaner? Here’s the deal. The blogger with the most sign ups will win a Roomba vacuum and I really need one. My current vacuum is older than God and barely picks up because it’s so clogged with dog hair, Polly Pocket pieces, crushed Goldfish, and some unidentifiable petrified objects. Would you please help out a slacker mom? I’m asking nicely. Who doesn’t like getting free stuff? It’s a win-win situation, my peeps.

Don’t make me beg.

Pretty please.

I’m giving serious consideration to writing that book appropriately titled, I Fucked Up. Now what? Over the last week I’ve had an epiphany that my discipline skills are not up to par. Now, after reading this post and this article I’m realizing that maybe my parenting skills aren’t that impressive either although I’m not as bad as the parental examples in the article. I would never pay five grand to have my child be taught tips and tricks to get the correct answer on a SAT question without reading the question. I don’t buy my daughters manicures and they definitely are not getting boob jobs for high school graduation. But bells and whistles went off in my head when I read this passage:

“I’m exaggerating, but it somehow strikes me as the perfect image of modern parenthood: a generation of grown-ups bending over to accommodate our children’s every want, while simultaneously requiring nothing from them in return. On one level, we may have decided that childhood is too important to be left to children, but on another, more important level, the kids are very much in charge.”

Umm, yeah, that pretty much sums me up. I deluded myself that I must be doing a good enough job since my kids behave well in public, don’t get into trouble at school, and respond well to my hairy eyeball. I have no trouble with telling my kids “no”. The problem is that sometimes that “no” can be persuaded into a “yes” by my very clever kids. It seems that they have figured this out long before me. My oldest in particular.

Of course, I blame my parents.

Seriously, they were not the best role models for adequate parenting. They were emotionally abusive, neglectful, controlling, and treated me like I was their slave. My oldest is nine and I often look at her in amazement that when I was her age I was in charge of keeping the house clean, taking care of my baby brother, cooking dinner, and waiting hand and foot on my parents. I didn’t take dance class or play an instrument because that was for rich people and would require my parents to drive me to class. Are you kidding me? They had a life and that life did not have time for me.

Now I’m a parent and I’m realizing more and more that I’m parenting my kids through my inner child. I’m parenting them how I wanted to be parented as a child. My kids aren’t going to be little grown-ups. They are going to be kids. They are going to eat on the couch, run barefoot outside, take dance class, play sports, be waited on, not have too many chores, go to the best schools, and be lavished with praise and attention. They are going to have parents who get as excited as they do about going to the candy store or seeing what Santa brought on Christmas morning. Parents who help them build amazing tents with every sheet in the linen closet and let them climb in bed with them when they are scared in the middle of the night.

That’s all fine and dandy but somewhere along the way the fine line between being the parent or being the child got a little muddled. My sister and I often joke that if we want our kids to turn out as well as we did that we should abuse them like our parents did since we both came out of our crazy home relatively sane. I moved out when I was eighteen. I bought my own car and waited tables while I put myself through nursing school. Despite the many hours I worked and some usual college partying I managed to make good grades. I had to. It was my money. My life. My sister did much of the same.

I’m not advocating child abuse to make our children grow up to be hard working, responsible people but I do think our kids need to feel disappointment, loss, pain, and responsibility in order to grow. I do want my kids to grow up and possess the drive, ambition, generosity, compassion, kindness, creativity, and responsibility that me and my husband possess. I fear that if I continue to coddle them that I will miss the opportunity to instill those important qualities. This is why I started the Smart Discipline technique a week ago. (I should get a kickback for how much I’ve bragged about the damn book!)

I very much worry about what kind of generation we are raising. We are a bunch of well meaning parents making some big mistakes. I wish things could go back to being simple. Me and my sister recently had this conversation after feeling disgusted with the outrageousness of some of today’s parents and how child-centric our society has become.

When we were kids we had to be imaginative and resourceful. Take Halloween for example. We had a choice between a plastic costume and mask from the store or scavenge our closets and basements to come up with our own costume. Today’s kids expect the elaborate $40 store bought costume or for mommy to spend hours making one that may very well end up not being good enough. God forbid, your child’s friend down the street should have a better costume.

When I was little I had one Barbie doll and I coveted her. She was in pristine condition and I kept her extra outfit neatly folded in a special place. We didn’t have a Barbie Dream House or furniture so we made our own out of tissue boxes. My girls have at least 20 Barbies, the Dream House, the party porn bus, and all the furniture and accessories. Most of the Barbies have either ratty hair, no head, or a really bad haircut. Half of the furniture is broken and we still can’t find the hot tub so Barbie can have a hot tub party on the Barbie porn bus. Then there’s all the video games which they seem to bore of way too quick. Geez, when I was little I had Pacman and Asteroids and I played them for years.

You know what else bugs me? The pressure from other parents. They aren’t making it easy on me. I’m so tired of explaining to my kids why they can’t have all the extravagant things some of their friends have. All the stuff kids have nowadays and the outrageous amounts of money that parents are spending so their kids can have it all. Are parents going into debt or is this just a rich parent thing to do? How can you save money for college or your retirement if all your funds are going to stuff for your kids? I live in an affluent area of our city and my kids go to a private school so I’m not sure if I’m generalizing here or not. I’m seeing parents who outfit their kids in expensive name brand clothing, elaborate sixteenth birthday parties, spring break vacations at exotic locations, expensive sports cars, and kids as young as nine with their own cell phones. Why does a nine year old need a cell phone? Where is that child going to be that they would not have access to a phone? I can see it for kids of divorced parents but is it necessary for a ten year old girl to have her hot pink phone strapped onto her belt while she’s at a birthday party? Who is she expecting to call? If she needs to call home I’m sure the host or some other adult has a phone she can use. Why wouldn’t her mother have her keep the phone in her tote bag so not to make all the other little girls drool with envy? This recently happened at my oldest daughter’s birthday party and I’m still pissed about it.

I honestly don’t get these parents. I can afford to buy my kids their own cell phone or designer clothes but I choose not too. If I buy my kids designer clothes and accessories how will they ever be happy with something from Target ever again? Or if I buy them an expensive car for their sixteenth birthday how do they go up from there? Where is the incentive to work hard for a nicer car? How are they going to be happy with the crappy car that they can barely afford after college?

My biggest beef is with what some parents are willing to pay for high demand items such as this horse that seemed to sell out before it even hit the store shelves. But yet I could buy it on Ebay for twice it’s worth. I recently tried to get concert tickets for Hannah Montana but it sold out within minutes. There are tickets available online but they will cost me around $300 per ticket. What’s up with that? It’s a kids concert people! Who are these parents that are willing to pay that? I really wanted to take my girls but I’m not willing to spend $1000. I’m also tired of Webkinz and especially Club Penguin where my kids need to be a member in order to get all the really cool stuff for their igloo. I have three kids on Club Penguin. It would cost me $174 for them to all have a membership. Sorry, I refuse to pay that.

When did kids get a more active social life than their parents? It drives me crazy that my 14 year old babysitters have to check their social calender before committing. Are you kidding me? When I was 14 I took any babysitting job I could get. I missed going to the movies with friends on Friday night because I needed the money. It seems that nowadays kids don’t have to earn money for their entertainment or for the $50 pair of jeans they have to have. My daughters have to earn the trendy clothes from Limited Too and I only buy with a coupon or if they are on sale. Why should they have expensive clothes when I don’t even buy it for myself?

Are we screwing up our kids? I fear that our kids are going to grow up to be self indulgent with a great sense of entitlement. We will be left scratching our heads and thinking, I gave you everything. The best schools, the best clothes, and all the toys and gadgets to make you smarter or more popular. I did everything I could to prevent others from making fun of you and to prevent you from feeling disappointment. I told you how great I thought you were every chance I had. I gave you a better life than I had. How did I go wrong?

A week ago I made a commitment to improve how I discipline my kids. I’m also committing to taking back parenthood. I refuse to give in to the pressure to give my kids everything. That new video game or Webkinz charm that they must have will have to wait until Christmas or their birthday. Better yet, they can buy it with their own money. It’s funny though that when they are given the option to buy it themselves they suddenly don’t want it so bad. My kids will do chores and wait on themselves. They will respect adults. They will have good manners. I’ll let them suffer natural consequences. I will expect them to follow our house rules and to do what is asked the first time.

I’m a bit confused. Southwest Airlines found Kyla Ebbert’s attire to be inappropriate but their flight attendants used to wear uniforms that barely covered their behinds? When did they become a “family airline”? From what I understand they don’t have a dress code. The irony of this makes me giggle. I needed a good laugh.

Check out my School Zone review at Lipstick to Crayons

Here is the update to the update of my Smart Discipline post.

The charts continue to work really well for Isabelle and Connor. Their behavior has greatly improved with their quest to not get any X’s on their charts. Madeline of course had to find a loop hole in the chart but is quickly finding out that mommy means business this time.

Saturday was an exhausting day of dealing with her trying to get her way. Her tantrums must have pooped her out because she didn’t put up too much of a fight about not having a pillow and blanket at bedtime. She did fight me on it last night though. I had to really fight the urge to give in as she tried to convince me that she should earn them back since she did eventually make her bed. Every time I thought My God, what kind of mother sends her kid to bed without a pillow and blanket? I reminded myself of how it would set us back and I’ve come too far to let that happen. This is such an important learning lesson for us both.

It wasn’t easy though. She begged, pleaded, wheeled and dealed. I just kept ignoring her and it was hard. She cried and pretended to shiver in an attempt to play on my heart strings. Once she tired of the charade that was not getting her any attention she wrapped herself in the fitted sheet and used her stuffed dog as a pillow. She eventually fell asleep and I was quite proud of myself for not giving in.

But the child does not give up. Around 1 am she woke me up and asked for a blanket because she was scared. I assured her that she was safe then reminded her that she is the one who chose to not have a blanket. I rolled over and ignored her as she continued to whine for a blanket. Eventually she gave up and went back to bed. If she hasn’t realized by now that I mean business then she is more stubborn than I thought.

I feel good that I’m moving in a more positive direction with disciplining my kids and getting more cooperation from them. I hope that it will help lower my stress. I let myself get so overwhelmed with all that I put on my plate that I become resentful and irritable. I have an amazing ability to multitask and to do it effortlessly. But only for so long before I hit a breaking point and have to take a step back and breathe. Yesterday was one of those days. My family has gotten comfy with my ability to take a lot on that they often take me for granted. I had a moment where I think they all saw me as a human being rather than a super hero.

The day actually was going okay although busy. I was quite productive despite the fact that my hubby was gone most of the day either running errands, dropping by his office, and mowing the yard. I like to call it “hiding” but I’ll save that for another post.

Not only do I have my four kids to take care of but there is a neighbor girl, Kimberly, that spends more time at my home rather than her own. She minds me pretty well but I have had some issues. At times it gets to me that she’s over so much, that I’m feeding her, and parenting her as if she were my own. I do it because it concerns me that she would rather be at our house. I’m not going to make any judgement calls about her family but my mommy gut tells me that there may be issues in her home and because of that I can’t let myself deny her our home. I was a little kid living in an abusive home. I would have loved to have had a safe place to go visit everyday and get a taste of some normalcy. I guess there’s a part of me that feels she needs us.

So I had my four kids plus Kimberly hanging out at the house all day. I managed to keep the house picked up, do a few loads of laundry, a few other mundane tasks, get everyone fed, and referee a few squabbles. You know the typical stuff that moms do. It didn’t get crazy until after dinner. I had to run to the grocery store or else my kids would have to take mayonnaise sandwiches on bread heels to school for lunch. I don’t normally go to the store at that time because it’s the “bewitching hour”. I would have gone earlier but hubby had to hide go into the office for a couple hours.

When I got back he brought the groceries in while I got our older girls started on their homework. Within minutes everything fell apart. Our older kids had been at the neighbor’s house while I was shopping. Her bunnies had gotten loose in the house and she needed them to help her catch them. This neighbor calls during the bewitching hour to inform me that Isabelle did not clean up her mess before going home. So I tell her that I will send Isabelle right over but it turns out that Madeline had cleaned it up already. I’m thinking Okay, so what’s the problem? She tells me that my hubby should have made them clean up when he came over to get them and I’m thinking Why didn’t you remind them to clean it up? You’ve never had a problem before giving them a reminder. I tell her I will talk to my hubby about it and hang up thinking What the ? I’m so tired of trying to figure out what makes people do some of the things they do. I discussed it with hubby and he ended up apologizing to Madeline for sending her over to clean up without Isabelle, blah, blah, blah.

Now I was feeling very irritated. Irritated at my hubby for his lax and inconsistent parenting style and even more irritated at my neighbor. Not only did she point out my hubby’s parental mistake but she asked me to list some things on Ebay for her because she’s too busy. She’s too busy? What am I? Bored? Do I appear to have extra time on my hands?

At this point my hubby takes over putting the groceries away because he’s feeling like he got in trouble. I unsuccessfully get the girls started on their homework. Hubby is attempting to stand his ground with Connor that he can’t have a snack because he chose to not eat his dinner. There’s crying and yelling. Then the puppy pisses on the floor. I clean up the pee and back to the girls who are both vying for my time. Madeline is arguing with me that how I do math is not how her teacher does it while Marigrace gets a hold of the markers and writes on Isabelle’s paper who is now screaming, “The baby wrote on my paper!” I suggest to hubby to put Connor and Marigrace in the tub but then remember that I still had not cleaned the poop out of the tub. Hubby gives me that you-still-haven’t-cleaned-the-poop? look and I start feeling my blood pressure rise. I go clean the tub while Connor follows me into the bathroom with a box of waffles. Daddy won’t let him have them so now he starts working on me. I tell him no and to take the box back to the kitchen. He refuses so I start yelling which makes me feel so out of control. I return to the kitchen. Madeline finishes homework and then asks if we could do the soda geyser thingy with Mentos. I remind her that I bought it as a special treat and she lost the privilege of special treats. She takes it well then asks if she can have a caramel apple. I said yes. Hubby tells her she can’t have it because it’s a special treat. Madeline turns to me for clarification because originally snacks weren’t included in the special treat privileges. I’m looking at my hubby like dude, why would you tell her she can’t have it after I tell her she can? I can see how he would think it would be considered a special treat but he could have clarified it with me later rather than in front of Madeline. Now I’m really irritated.

I check on Isabelle. She’s just about done with her homework but is whining about not doing the last page because it’s too hard. Hubby asks me a question and I snap back. He wants to know why I’m being so crabby. I tell him that I feel stressed and he responds with, “What are you stressed about?” Which basically means: You don’t work, you get to stay home with your kids, you have complete control of the checkbook, what could you possibly be stressed about? Right then I felt the sting of tears. I tried to hold them back but Isabelle notices and asks if I’m going to cry.

Then there was a hush.

No crying baby.

No whining kids.

No annoying husband.

No peeing puppy.

Mommy has a breaking point and she has reached it. It has been building for some time.

Isabelle hugs me and Madeline slides a note across the table that reads: Sorry mom you are strest. And I hope you know I love you. We hug and I assure everyone that I’m just tired.

Suddenly there was a shift in the house. Isabelle became cooperative about finishing her homework. Hubby got the bath and shower going without prompting and everyone was talking nice to one another.

How sad that I had to be pushed to my breaking point for my family to see that sometimes mommy can’t handle it all. I really hate that they saw me break. It makes me feel weak. It makes me doubt myself.

Our society doesn’t want moms to view motherhood as ever being stressful and God forbid talk about the dark side of it. But trying to conform to that is stressing me out. It should be okay for me to admit that I can’t always do it all and although I love being a mom there are times that really suck. I wish more moms admitted that they get overwhelmed at times or have moments where they want to run away from it all. I’m not writing this to complain or be whiny but for the moms who get stressed or overwhelmed from it all. I want you to know that you are not alone. Especially if you have a child with special needs. I know what you are going through. You deserve permission to vent, complain, and get a break from it.

I digress. I didn’t mean for this to turn into a soapbox and I apologize for this being so disorganized. On a side note I have found something that has magical powers to stop a tantrum instantly. Videotape the tantrum! Madeline had a tantrum today so I pulled out my camera and before I could push the record button the tantrum magically stopped. Isn’t that interesting? This tactic wasn’t quite as effective when she was younger but now she’s now old enough to worry about it ending up on You Tube.

If you have read this far, I thank you. I’m just about finished but I have an unrelated question. My ten year wedding anniversary is coming up and I need suggestions as to what to give my hubby. I’m considering giving him boudoir photos of myself but it’s pricey. I’m not sure if it’s worth it although if they can airbrush my cellulite and make my ass smaller I’ll pay them whatever they want. I asked my hubby what he wants and he claims he doesn’t want anything outside of sexual favors.

I of course had my list ready when he asked. I want diamonds, lipo, or new carpet. He can choose which one I deserve the most but I’d prefer to have all three!

I had some requests for an update on how the Smart Discipline charts are going. So far they are working great for two of my kids but my spirited and strong willed firstborn, Madeline is in need of the Smart Ass Discipline chart. She’s the child who will find her way around any discipline tactic and she usually wins because she can bring me to the point where I just want to throw up my hands and say, “Okay, you win!” Today she decided to pull out her drama queen get out of jail free card.

She had been holding it together quite well and didn’t get her first X on the chart until yesterday. She took it well. She could see on the chart that she could break six more rules before she would lose a privilege. But today when she received two X’s within five minutes I think she realized how quickly she could rack them up over a week.

It all started with her tripping over our puppy. There was a little blood where she skinned her foot which brought on the drama. She cried and carried on. Even after I cleaned up the scrape, applied a band-aid, and had her lie on the couch with her foot elevated since she was claiming to have sprained it. She did make a miraculous recovery when I mentioned that we could not go shopping if her foot was sprained although I think it left her feeling as though she didn’t get enough attention for her injury. So when her dad gave her an X for leaving her laptop on the couch and then another for yelling at him she felt a need to create some more drama. I guess she was still stewing over the fact that I would not let her eat tomato soup at 9:30 am. I told her that she would have to wait until 11 am since soup is for lunch and that she would have to choose another snack. Normally she would have fought me on the issue but refrained since there was an X at stake.

No soup, a fall with injury, and two X’s within five minutes must have sent her over the edge because the next thing I know she has locked herself in her room. My hubby informed me that she had taken it upon herself to put X’s in all the boxes on her chart. I guess that’s her way of saying, “Screw your stupid chart! What are you going to do now?” I took a deep breath and promised myself to not let her wear me down. So go grab some popcorn and get comfy because what unfolded was pretty dramatic.

Me: Madeline, you know the rule is that only mommy or daddy can manage the chart. You have lost all privileges for breaking that rule.

Madeline: I don’t care. I want to lose them.

Me: Good, because you just did.

The old me would have engaged in a conversation about why she did what she did and why she would want to lose all her privileges. I didn’t bite this time. Instead I walked out of the room. I could hear her flipping the door of the puppy’s crate up and down in hopes that I would come back in and yell at her. I refrained. She must have sat in there for a few minutes trying to think of how she could engage me in her battle of the wills because here she came asking if she could make tomato soup.

Me: No, it’s 10:30. I told you that you cannot have soup until 11:00.

Madeline: Connor can have popcorn. Why can’t I have soup?

Me: Because popcorn is a snack and soup is for lunch.

Madeline: It’s not fair!

Fortunately I was on the phone with my sis at the time. She has on many occasions witnessed how Madeline engages me in this song and dance and how easily I get sucked into the fight. She kept reminding me to just ignore Madeline as she whined. After several minutes of being ignored she announced that she was going to make her soup anyway. She heads off to the kitchen and tells her dad that I said she could have soup.

Me: I did not! She can’t have soup until 11:00.

He sends her to her room for a time out just as the book recommends once all privileges are lost. I was in her room at the time putting away laundry.

Madeline: I don’t want to go in there because mommy is in there.

Me: Too bad. I’m ignoring you anyway until you calm down and stop throwing tantrums.

She throws herself on her bed and has a temper tantrum, rolling around on the bed and screaming at me about how I’m ruining her life. Now all the sheets are off her bed so I tell her to remake her bed.

Madeline: I don’t know how!

Me: Yes you do. Remake it or I will take away the sheets and pillows and you will have to sleep without them. The choice is yours.

Now I’m thinking Oh shit! Only give a consequence that I’m willing to follow through on. Am I willing to follow through on this one?

Madeline: I’ll sleep without them. I don’t care!

I guess I better follow through if she’s going to take me seriously. God, this sucks!

She continues to thrash, scream, and plead. I go about my business and try to look as though I’m ignoring her.

Me: Why don’t you go take a bath to help you calm down.

She likes that idea and runs off to my bathroom. A minute later she returns.

Madeline: There is something gross in the tub! Clean it up!

Oh no she didn’t!

Me: You need to ask nicely. I won’t do anything for you if you talk to me like that.

Hubby: What’s in the tub?

Me: Marigrace took a crap during her bath. I forgot to clean it up.
(They don’t call me slackermommy for nothing!)

Madeline: Ewwww! I’m not cleaning it!

Me: I will clean it when you can talk nice to me.

Madeline (in a smart ass voice): Will you please clean it!

I ignore her. She continues to have a tantrum for several minutes before she finally asks nicely.

Me: Okay then. I’m going to finish putting these clothes away then I’ll get the tub ready.

I obviously didn’t move fast enough (which was only like 10 seconds) because she went back into tantrum mode, stomping her feet and throwing her body around.

Madeline: You’re not doing it!

Me: You have got to get control of yourself.

Madeline: Okay , mommy. (Calm voice) Clean the tub. (Whining, still throwing her body around) I want to take a bath now.

Me: You are not in control. We will discuss this when you are calm.

I leave the room. She continues to stomp her feet and yell that she’s calm. I continue to ignore her. I’m doing my best to not give her an audience. Out she comes with her stuffed dog and pajamas.

Madeline: I’m moving out!

She heads for the front door.

Me: No you aren’t. You are not to leave your room until you are calm.

Surprisingly she went back to her room but not without slamming the door. Ten minutes later she comes out and hugs me.

Madeline: I’m sorry mommy. I’m calm now. I made you something.

So typical of her. Now she’s remorseful and hopeful that apologizing will get her privileges back.

Me: I accept your apology but you still have lost all your privileges.

Madeline: I didn’t mean to put all those X’s. Can’t we start over?

Me: No, Madeline. It is not okay for you to disrupt the family in this way and then think you can have all your privileges back by saying you are sorry. I hope next time you will try harder to control your temper.

Madeline: I’ll try. I’m going to go take a shower now.

She emerged from the shower as sweet as can be and finally got her soup at 11:30. The next two hours she was a dream child. I made sure to point out her good behavior and give positive messages to her just as was suggested in the book. She played nice with Isabelle as they made a tent which gave me a chance to reflect on what had happened and what I should do differently. I was better about not giving her tantrum so much attention but I could have ignored her behavior more. I should have not stayed in the room during her timeout. The laundry could have waited. See what happens when I try to be organized? I should have just left the laundry on the couch where it usually is. Suggesting a bath to help her calm down was probably not a good idea either. Especially since I had left a couple turds in it.

Just as I’m enjoying some peace and quiet Madeline shows up to inform me that she accidentally watched a little bit of a movie. What the hell is wrong with this kid?

Me: How do you accidentally watch a movie?

Madeline: It was in my laptop. I was going to listen to music.

Me: Madeline, you know you aren’t to be on your computer. Bring it up to me, now!

Madeline: Can’t I just listen to music?

Me: No! Now you’ve lost that privilege.

She attempts to protest. I give her the hairy eyeball and yell, “Get it now!”

She scurries downstairs. A few minutes later Isabelle appears with the laptop.

Isabelle: Madeline sat on my head! I couldn’t breathe!

Me: She did what?! Madeline, why would you do that?

Madeline: She wouldn’t bring up the computer for me.

Me: GO TO YOUR ROOM!

At this point I just want to throw a tantrum myself. Where did I go wrong with this child? I know this can’t be normal nine year old stuff. My other kids don’t take things as far as she does. Should I take her back to doctor? Or has she gotten so used to pushing my buttons until she gets her way that challenging her causes her to take things to another level in an attempt to get her way? Will holding our ground eventually cause her to behave better? I’m at such a loss and I feel so defeated.

Madeline manages to stay quietly in her room for about five minutes before she starts her crap.

Madeline: I’m hungry! Can’t I eat something?

Me: No. You are staying in there until we leave for church.

Madeline: How long is that?

Me: 45 minutes.

She begs and pleads. Screams and yells.

I ignore her.

Madeline: You are the worst mother! I hate you! You are stupid!

She slams the door. I found her asleep when I checked on her fifteen minutes later. I will have to wake her up for church. This is going to be interesting. I’ll keep you posted. Right now I have to go pluck all the gray hairs I grew today. And clean poop out of the tub.

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