Here is the update to the update of my Smart Discipline post.

The charts continue to work really well for Isabelle and Connor. Their behavior has greatly improved with their quest to not get any X’s on their charts. Madeline of course had to find a loop hole in the chart but is quickly finding out that mommy means business this time.

Saturday was an exhausting day of dealing with her trying to get her way. Her tantrums must have pooped her out because she didn’t put up too much of a fight about not having a pillow and blanket at bedtime. She did fight me on it last night though. I had to really fight the urge to give in as she tried to convince me that she should earn them back since she did eventually make her bed. Every time I thought My God, what kind of mother sends her kid to bed without a pillow and blanket? I reminded myself of how it would set us back and I’ve come too far to let that happen. This is such an important learning lesson for us both.

It wasn’t easy though. She begged, pleaded, wheeled and dealed. I just kept ignoring her and it was hard. She cried and pretended to shiver in an attempt to play on my heart strings. Once she tired of the charade that was not getting her any attention she wrapped herself in the fitted sheet and used her stuffed dog as a pillow. She eventually fell asleep and I was quite proud of myself for not giving in.

But the child does not give up. Around 1 am she woke me up and asked for a blanket because she was scared. I assured her that she was safe then reminded her that she is the one who chose to not have a blanket. I rolled over and ignored her as she continued to whine for a blanket. Eventually she gave up and went back to bed. If she hasn’t realized by now that I mean business then she is more stubborn than I thought.

I feel good that I’m moving in a more positive direction with disciplining my kids and getting more cooperation from them. I hope that it will help lower my stress. I let myself get so overwhelmed with all that I put on my plate that I become resentful and irritable. I have an amazing ability to multitask and to do it effortlessly. But only for so long before I hit a breaking point and have to take a step back and breathe. Yesterday was one of those days. My family has gotten comfy with my ability to take a lot on that they often take me for granted. I had a moment where I think they all saw me as a human being rather than a super hero.

The day actually was going okay although busy. I was quite productive despite the fact that my hubby was gone most of the day either running errands, dropping by his office, and mowing the yard. I like to call it “hiding” but I’ll save that for another post.

Not only do I have my four kids to take care of but there is a neighbor girl, Kimberly, that spends more time at my home rather than her own. She minds me pretty well but I have had some issues. At times it gets to me that she’s over so much, that I’m feeding her, and parenting her as if she were my own. I do it because it concerns me that she would rather be at our house. I’m not going to make any judgement calls about her family but my mommy gut tells me that there may be issues in her home and because of that I can’t let myself deny her our home. I was a little kid living in an abusive home. I would have loved to have had a safe place to go visit everyday and get a taste of some normalcy. I guess there’s a part of me that feels she needs us.

So I had my four kids plus Kimberly hanging out at the house all day. I managed to keep the house picked up, do a few loads of laundry, a few other mundane tasks, get everyone fed, and referee a few squabbles. You know the typical stuff that moms do. It didn’t get crazy until after dinner. I had to run to the grocery store or else my kids would have to take mayonnaise sandwiches on bread heels to school for lunch. I don’t normally go to the store at that time because it’s the “bewitching hour”. I would have gone earlier but hubby had to hide go into the office for a couple hours.

When I got back he brought the groceries in while I got our older girls started on their homework. Within minutes everything fell apart. Our older kids had been at the neighbor’s house while I was shopping. Her bunnies had gotten loose in the house and she needed them to help her catch them. This neighbor calls during the bewitching hour to inform me that Isabelle did not clean up her mess before going home. So I tell her that I will send Isabelle right over but it turns out that Madeline had cleaned it up already. I’m thinking Okay, so what’s the problem? She tells me that my hubby should have made them clean up when he came over to get them and I’m thinking Why didn’t you remind them to clean it up? You’ve never had a problem before giving them a reminder. I tell her I will talk to my hubby about it and hang up thinking What the ? I’m so tired of trying to figure out what makes people do some of the things they do. I discussed it with hubby and he ended up apologizing to Madeline for sending her over to clean up without Isabelle, blah, blah, blah.

Now I was feeling very irritated. Irritated at my hubby for his lax and inconsistent parenting style and even more irritated at my neighbor. Not only did she point out my hubby’s parental mistake but she asked me to list some things on Ebay for her because she’s too busy. She’s too busy? What am I? Bored? Do I appear to have extra time on my hands?

At this point my hubby takes over putting the groceries away because he’s feeling like he got in trouble. I unsuccessfully get the girls started on their homework. Hubby is attempting to stand his ground with Connor that he can’t have a snack because he chose to not eat his dinner. There’s crying and yelling. Then the puppy pisses on the floor. I clean up the pee and back to the girls who are both vying for my time. Madeline is arguing with me that how I do math is not how her teacher does it while Marigrace gets a hold of the markers and writes on Isabelle’s paper who is now screaming, “The baby wrote on my paper!” I suggest to hubby to put Connor and Marigrace in the tub but then remember that I still had not cleaned the poop out of the tub. Hubby gives me that you-still-haven’t-cleaned-the-poop? look and I start feeling my blood pressure rise. I go clean the tub while Connor follows me into the bathroom with a box of waffles. Daddy won’t let him have them so now he starts working on me. I tell him no and to take the box back to the kitchen. He refuses so I start yelling which makes me feel so out of control. I return to the kitchen. Madeline finishes homework and then asks if we could do the soda geyser thingy with Mentos. I remind her that I bought it as a special treat and she lost the privilege of special treats. She takes it well then asks if she can have a caramel apple. I said yes. Hubby tells her she can’t have it because it’s a special treat. Madeline turns to me for clarification because originally snacks weren’t included in the special treat privileges. I’m looking at my hubby like dude, why would you tell her she can’t have it after I tell her she can? I can see how he would think it would be considered a special treat but he could have clarified it with me later rather than in front of Madeline. Now I’m really irritated.

I check on Isabelle. She’s just about done with her homework but is whining about not doing the last page because it’s too hard. Hubby asks me a question and I snap back. He wants to know why I’m being so crabby. I tell him that I feel stressed and he responds with, “What are you stressed about?” Which basically means: You don’t work, you get to stay home with your kids, you have complete control of the checkbook, what could you possibly be stressed about? Right then I felt the sting of tears. I tried to hold them back but Isabelle notices and asks if I’m going to cry.

Then there was a hush.

No crying baby.

No whining kids.

No annoying husband.

No peeing puppy.

Mommy has a breaking point and she has reached it. It has been building for some time.

Isabelle hugs me and Madeline slides a note across the table that reads: Sorry mom you are strest. And I hope you know I love you. We hug and I assure everyone that I’m just tired.

Suddenly there was a shift in the house. Isabelle became cooperative about finishing her homework. Hubby got the bath and shower going without prompting and everyone was talking nice to one another.

How sad that I had to be pushed to my breaking point for my family to see that sometimes mommy can’t handle it all. I really hate that they saw me break. It makes me feel weak. It makes me doubt myself.

Our society doesn’t want moms to view motherhood as ever being stressful and God forbid talk about the dark side of it. But trying to conform to that is stressing me out. It should be okay for me to admit that I can’t always do it all and although I love being a mom there are times that really suck. I wish more moms admitted that they get overwhelmed at times or have moments where they want to run away from it all. I’m not writing this to complain or be whiny but for the moms who get stressed or overwhelmed from it all. I want you to know that you are not alone. Especially if you have a child with special needs. I know what you are going through. You deserve permission to vent, complain, and get a break from it.

I digress. I didn’t mean for this to turn into a soapbox and I apologize for this being so disorganized. On a side note I have found something that has magical powers to stop a tantrum instantly. Videotape the tantrum! Madeline had a tantrum today so I pulled out my camera and before I could push the record button the tantrum magically stopped. Isn’t that interesting? This tactic wasn’t quite as effective when she was younger but now she’s now old enough to worry about it ending up on You Tube.

If you have read this far, I thank you. I’m just about finished but I have an unrelated question. My ten year wedding anniversary is coming up and I need suggestions as to what to give my hubby. I’m considering giving him boudoir photos of myself but it’s pricey. I’m not sure if it’s worth it although if they can airbrush my cellulite and make my ass smaller I’ll pay them whatever they want. I asked my hubby what he wants and he claims he doesn’t want anything outside of sexual favors.

I of course had my list ready when he asked. I want diamonds, lipo, or new carpet. He can choose which one I deserve the most but I’d prefer to have all three!

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