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Sorry about the low quality photos. I’m sleep deprived.

October is the Breast Cancer Awareness month and although the month is nearly over I plead with you to not to forget to feel your boobies once all the pink reminders go in hiding. Lately it seems that every month someone I know is diagnosed with breast cancer. It scares the crap out me and Inflammatory Breast Cancer scares me even more.

While grocery shopping yesterday I shared several aisles with a family of four shopping together. A very average looking family; a mom, dad, one boy, and one girl. Except they weren’t average. The mom appeared frail and wore a hat in an attempt to cover her bald head which led me to assume she must have cancer. As I shopped behind them I couldn’t help thinking about what they must be going through. What was their story? I wondered how sick she was and how scared her husband and kids must be. How scared she must be. Her kids looked to be in their early teens. Their mom’s illness would be a major blip in their young lives. I wondered if they always had grocery shopped together. Was it their Sunday routine to go to church and then grocery shopping? Or did this routine begin after mom got sick? After all it is human nature for us to realize what’s important in life when someone we love becomes ill.

I got so lost in the flight of ideas running in my head about this family that my eyes started stinging with tears. I said a quick prayer and forged ahead of them.

They were heavy on my mind all evening and then I cried big fat tears for them and for the character Lynette on Desperate Housewives who is battling breast cancer. In last nights episode there was a touching scene about how Lynette’s kid’s tree house was the only place her kids could go to where there was no talk about cancer, medicine, and medical procedures. It was a place where they could pretend their mom does not have cancer.

All of this touches close to home because as mothers our biggest fear is leaving our kids motherless or having them worry about us when we are very ill. Kids shouldn’t have to worry about losing the center of their universe. So as mothers we need to be sure to take care of ourselves and it starts with early detection. Do your monthly breast exam and get your mammograms. My neighbor found her tumor with a mammogram when it was a tiny pea and well before she would feel it. She was able to zap the bastard with a month of radiation. Hopefully she will remain cancer free.

In the next couple of days all things pink will turn red and green and all the breast cancer focus will be put on the back burner for the holiday season. Let’s make a point to continue to support breast cancer awareness all year long and to remind each other to check our boobies. I will keep Mert’s Frisk the 15th button in my sidebar to remind me and my readers to get frisky every month.

I am way overdue for posting some lovely blog bling that has been bestowed upon me. According to the lovely Lisa from Midwestern Mommy I make her smile. Right back at you, Lisa. I always have fun with you and I love how “easy” our conversations are.

The fabulous Burg from Deeper Shades of Red thinks I’m fab.

Isn’t pretty?

I made the mistake of bragging to my girls that a blogger gave me an award for being fabulous. Big mistake. Sharpay’s song “Fabulous” from High School Musical 2 has now become my theme song according to my kids. They remind me of this every time the song plays on the radio and have blared it so much at the house that many days I can’t get the damn song out of my head. So I did what any desperate mother would do and conveniently “lost” their CD.

I’m going to live up to my slacker name and pass both of these onto these bloggers who are fabulous and who never fail to make me smile:

Mamma Loves

Playgroups Are No Place For Children

Sticking To The Point

Gaining Balance

Can We Kick The Bar Here?

I Obsess

And so many more! Too little time.

I also want to shout out to all those who sent me a product or service donation for our school auction. Thank you so much for your kindness. These donations, big and small, will help keep our school afloat during our growing pains and I’m so very grateful. My kids are grateful.

Here is the list of those who made a donation:

Watch me! No watch me!

Cybertrainer

Chit Chat Brands

Nordmann Photography

Avannabel Baby

Big Dreams and Pixie Dust

Alex Year One

Almost Somewhat Positive

Bambina Ballerina

Dream Dinners

A meme 4 you

Christine from Watch me! No watch me! tagged me with this meme and after doing it I realize that I’m really not that interesting. After I bore you with my boring tidbits about myself go read my last post about how I turned into a crazed hysterical lunatic when my baby went missing.

4 Jobs I have had:
Wendy’s (my first job)
Motherhood Maternity
waitress (great $ that put me through nursing school)
Registered Nurse (specialized in cardiothoracic ICU)

4 Movies I love to watch over and over:
(This is hard. I have so many)
Fried Green Tomatoes
Pulp Fiction
Kill Bill
The Shawshank Redemption

4 Places I have lived:
Miami, Florida
Missouri
Missouri
Missouri
(I know. Boring.)

4 TV shows I enjoy watching:
Desperate Housewives
Nip/Tuck
Medium
The Ellen Show

4 Places I have been:
Jamaica for my honeymoon
Cancun ,Mexico
Peurto Vallarta, Mexico
All over the US

4 Websites I visit daily:
My blog
My other blog
Google Reader
Check email (a lot)

4 Favorite Foods:
chocolate
dark chocolate
chocolate with nuts
chocolate with peanut butter

4 Places I would rather be:
sleeping
getting a massage
getting a facial
visiting my sis

4 people I’m tagging:
A Bun’s Life
Nothing Gained, Nothing Lost
One Grumpy Bunny
The Bell Pages

Earlier today I left a comment on this post about what I call “Freebies From God”. These freebies are little wake up calls or reminders to be more diligent about the care of our kids. I must have been due for a freebie because we had a frightening close call tonight with our quite not two year old, Marigrace.

It started as a typical evening in the Slacker household. We had just finished dinner and baths. It’s a busy time of night or what I like to call organized chaos. Hubby cleaned up the dinner dishes while I was in the master bedroom attempting to listen to Isabelle read a book for her book report. The phone rang frequently and we were interrupted several times. Connor popped in twice to ask me questions and Marigrace came in to show me that she was wearing Connor’s shoes. Madeline became quite excited about being able to see the space shuttle in the night sky so she came and got Isabelle to go outside and look at it with her. They returned a few minutes later and Isabelle resumed her book. Our puppy, Happy had gotten out of the kitchen and had a wicked case of the speeders. He chased Madeline down the hall so I called to her to put him back in the kitchen. I don’t know how many minutes passed before my hubby came in looking for Marigrace. My gosh, how long had it been since I saw her last? Wasn’t hubby watching her?

Hubby couldn’t find her so I helped him look. After a quick sweep of the house and no Marigrace to be found panic set in. Happy was also missing which led us to believe that they may have gotten outside. She can’t open doors yet but I feared the girls may have not completely shut a door while running in and out to look at the space shuttle.

Hubby looked outside while I ran through the house again. I was screaming her name louder and louder as I became more panicked. It’s not like her to go off by herself. If she’s not in my arms then she’s playing with her siblings or with my hubby. She’s going through some major separation anxiety now so it’s unlike her to stray from us unless she’s following the puppy.

My God, she must be outside! She had to be wherever Happy was and he wasn’t answering to his name either. If he gets a chance to run out the door he will and he will take off without any thought to where he’s going.

Hubby was still outside looking for them and they were nowhere to be found. It’s cold and very dark. Our house backs up to woods and our backyard is pitch black because the bulbs in the landscape lights are burnt out which had me cursing hubby. I checked the pool even though it’s covered and gated. At this point I didn’t know where else to look and I was feeling sick at the thought that she may have followed Happy into the woods. Our yard is fenced but our neighbors homes are not.

I became hysterical. I called 911 and gave a description of my missing baby and puppy. Is this really happening? How could she go missing that quick? I yelled at my other kids to go back in the house and look for them. I told them to look in every closet and under every bed. Madeline, my drama queen was also hysterical but Connor and Isabelle didn’t seem to take it seriously. They are obviously not old enough to understand how serious this was. I wanted to shake them and scream THIS IS NOT A GAME! YOUR SISTER IS GONE!

I was barefoot and armed with a flashlight running down the street like a crazed woman. Hubby was searching in the opposite direction and each time I heard him scream her name my stomach sunk. I was envisioning helicopters, search teams, and being the top story on the 10:00 news. Was this really happening? I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I was beyond hysterical. I banged on neighbor’s doors and begged them to help us search. I was crazed and didn’t care that I was behaving like a lunatic.

Horrible thoughts raced through my mind. I checked the sewers and envisioned her following Happy into the path of a car. It’s dark and she had on a dark purple sleeper. She would not be easily seen.

I stood in the middle of the street as I screamed my baby’s name. I didn’t know where to look or what to do. Where were the police? It had only been ten minutes but it felt like hours.

A neighbor that I know well drove around the corner. Just as I was crying for her help my hubby came out of the garage with Marigrace in his arms. I collapsed on the driveway in tears of relief which I feel embarrassed about now. I truly was a crazy hysterical mother.

Turns out she was in the basement playroom closet with Happy. I had checked down there and had looked in every closet but that one. The door was shut and she can’t open doors. I didn’t even think that the door may have been open and she closed it behind her because she didn’t answer when I called. I didn’t hear a peep when I checked the playroom plus my thought process was that she must have gotten outside with Happy. It was the only thing that made sense at the time.

Madeline had also checked the playroom but didn’t look in the closet because she heard a noise and thought it was a kidnapper waiting to also take her. When I felt myself get angry with her for not checking all the closets like I told her I reminded myself that she is only nine.

My hubby had checked the house again and when he called her name in the playroom she answered. He opened the closet door to find her and Happy sitting together. Marigrace had a huge grin on her face and was completely oblivious to the terror caused by her absence.

A Freebie From God.

A reminder to not let her out of our sight for a second. When she’s the only one home with me I don’t let her out of my sight but it’s so easy to think someone else is watching her during our organized chaos.

A policeman showed up minutes after I cancelled my request for assistance. He was very nice and said he wanted to drop by anyway because he has a two year old and knows how easily toddlers get “lost”. I was very apologetic and he was very understanding. He said that they get quite a few of these kinds of calls and usually the child is hiding or fell asleep in an unusual place.

All I can say is THANK GOD MY BABY IS SAFE. I feared that I would never see my sweet Marigrace again and I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it.

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

“I don’t want to know,” the child said, bursting into tears. “Promise me you won’t tell me.”

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, “when I was six, I got the ‘There’s no Easter Bunny’ speech. At seven, I got the There’s no Tooth Fairy’ speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the ‘There’s no Santa’ speech. If your going to tell me that grown-ups don’t really get laid, I’ll have nothing left to live for.”

Thank you my friends for all the great advice, stories, and book suggestions on my last post. I ordered every book that was recommended in preparation of “the talk”. I received Dr. Ruth’s book today and I’m practicing reading it without giggling. It’s actually a very well done book on the subject and much less graphic than this German book about where babies come from.

I’m going to be so relieved once I unveil the secret of sex to my kids. I never imagined I would be the kind of mom that got weirded out about talking sex with my kids. I’ve had no problem using anatomical correct words for their genitals or telling them how babies are born. They know about periods and how their bodies will change with puberty. I just got hung up on the whole penis in vagina thing. I’ve learned my lesson though. I’m going to talk to Marigrace about sex much sooner than my older three so I won’t feel as embarrassed and awkward as I do now.

Wish me luck! I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.

The birds and the bees talk is lurking right around the corner at the slacker household. My two oldest daughters Madeline and Isabelle are nine and seven. I’m not at all ready to have “the talk” with my seven year old but I have a feeling that once Madeline knows the secret of sex she’s going to tell Isabelle. I was six when my cousin told me what sex was all about and I immediately sought out my sis whose 13 months younger to give her the shocking info.

I’ve been doing a pretty good job of dodging their questions. I know, I’m a chicken. About six months ago Madeline asked me what sex was.

Me: Well, your sex means you are either a girl or a boy.

She did not look satisfied with that answer so I asked her what she thought it meant.

Madeline: It’s when a mommy and daddy kiss naked.

Me: Exactly! See, you already know.

Thankfully she was satisfied with that and we moved on to another topic that didn’t make me sweat buckets.

Whew!

Then a couple weeks ago hubby had bath duty so he was in our master bath with all four of our kids. Just as I was walking through our bedroom on my way into the master bath I hear Isabelle tell her daddy that the neighbor girl told her that you have to have sex to make a baby.

Isabelle: Is that true?

Daddy: I don’t know. Ask mommy.

Oh no he di’int! I turned myself right around and was nearly outside to hide when Madeline caught up with me.

Madeline: Do you have to have sex to make a baby?

Me (as nonchalantly I could muster): Of course! You have to love your husband to make a baby.

Madeline: So you and daddy did that?

Me: Yes. That’s how we made you.

Madeline: Gross!

And off she went in complete disgust.

Yes, another golden opportunity to have “the talk” that I wiggled out of.

Madeline is getting the gist of what sex is except for the actual technical details of the whole penis in the vagina thing. She’s also starting to pick up on flirtatious talk between hubby and me.

We do this sexual banter and up until now we could do it and the kids were clueless. For example, we would call each others cell phones even though we were in the same car together. The kids would be in back watching a movie and we would have a sexy phone conversation. At the time we had three kids under three and a half so we weren’t having a whole lot of sex so these playful conversations were the next best thing.

This past Sunday we engaged in playful sexual banter while fixing dinner. I had marinated a flank steak for him to grill but it needed the rub put on before he could put it on the grill. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: You need to rub your meat first.

Hubby: I need to rub my meat?

Me: Yes, you need to rub both sides.

Hubby: I like it better when you rub my meat.

Me: I know, honey but sometimes you have to rub your own meat.

Hubby: We could rub my meat together.

Me: I’m really not in the mood to rub your meat.

Hubby: Can you show me how to rub it?

Me: All you have to do is rub both sides. Make sure you rub it real good because I only eat meat that tastes good.

Hubby: Oh, so you are going to make it hard for me.

Me: Yes, I prefer it that way.

We are now starting to giggle and Madeline who seemed to be lost into the computer pipes up and says, “Okay, that just sounds gross!”

Oops.

Can any of you recommend a book about the birds and bees? I need all the help I can get.

Image courtesy of Mert

Have you seen or heard this story? I love Ellen Degeneres. So much so I have a campaign to make my youngest daughter the next Ellen. She’s almost two which means she’ll be old enough to take over the show when Ellen retires.

Ellen is what I call “good people”. She’s kind, compassionate, sincere, and genuine. The fact that she broke down in tears on her show proves she isn’t all wrapped up in her celebrity. You can see the video clip here.

The story is that she adopted a dog, Iggy from a shelter but it didn’t work out with her cats. She gave Iggy to her hairdresser who was looking for a dog. Ellen thought she was doing the right thing so when the shelter called to check on Iggy she was honest and told them that she gave Iggy to a good home. Ellen didn’t realize that she signed a paper stating she would return the dog if it didn’t work out. The shelter took Iggy away from the family who had grown to know and love Iggy over two weeks. The hairdresser’s daughters in particular were devastated.

I know how devastated my kids would be if our puppy was taken away after being in our home for two weeks. My heart goes out to this family and Ellen. I understand that a shelter has to abide to their rules and regulations to insure animals are placed in good homes but couldn’t they just go and check out Iggy’s new home? Why put him back in the shelter when there’s a family who wants him? I’m at a loss here. I hope this shelter will give this family a chance and this story will have a happy ending.

I mentioned a week ago that I had boudior photos taken for my hubby for our tenth wedding anniversary and now I want to share the experience with you. It was too fantastic to not talk talk about it.

After serving it’s purpose and giving me four healthy babies I opted to have my lovely heart shaped uterus removed last December. It was no longer needed and the discomfort it was causing me was not worth keeping it around. While on the operating table I had the docs fix up my tummy and pump up my boobs. The results are quite nice and I feel pretty good about how I look so I not only did the photos for my hubby but also myself.

I was nervous about it though and nearly chickened out. I’m really hard on myself and usually hate how I look in photos. Lisa, the photographer I chose is quite gifted and not only did she make me feel good she made me look good.

I spent quite a bit of time looking for a photographer. I nearly gave up. The sample photos that I looked at seemed so cheesy and sleazy. I wanted to look sexy but in an artistic way rather than looking like I was posing for Fredericks of Hollywood. Don’t get me wrong, I love Fredericks. I have several pieces of their lingerie (I have a lingerie and pajama fetish) but that wasn’t the look I was going for. I didn’t want to look back at these photos ten or twenty years from now and feel embarrassed.

I found Nordmann Photography and for the first time the thought of bringing my idea to fruition seemed like a good idea. I viewed her gallery of photos and one of the groupings was of a curvy woman. I figured she probably had cellulite but there wasn’t a trace of it in the photos. She was flawlessly beautiful. I’m a curvy woman which means in addition to my big boobs and hips I also have a big booty and thighs. I didn’t want my cellulite and stretch marks magnified in the photos. Lisa assured me that with the right poses, lighting, and photoshop she could hide my imperfections.

I met Lisa at her studio on the day of the shoot. I joked about walking down the street with my stripper clothes and I think my ability to poke fun at myself helped us to feel more comfortable.

A little FYI if you ever have boudoir photos taken; don’t bring your lingerie in a clear hanging bag or at the last minute stuff your stilettos in a too small purse. Parking was limited that day and I had to walk past several business establishments to reach her studio. Uh yeah, that was a little embarrassing.

Lisa spent two hours photographing me. The first few minutes were awkward as I posed in my nightie in front of a stranger but Lisa quickly made me feel at ease. The conversation flowed easily and we could have probably talked all day. It wasn’t hard to feel sexy with Lisa calling me beautiful and with her obvious excitement about loving what she does. For some photos she directed a fan at me so my hair would blow. It’s amazing how a fan and blowing hair can make you feel like a supermodel.

I viewed the photos a week later on a huge screen at her shop. It was a bit weird at first to see myself larger than life on a huge screen. I’m not crazy about seeing photos of myself because I’m so much hotter in my mind. Talk about a slap of reality. But these were beautiful. So much better than I expected. I went into the viewing thinking that it would be hard to pick ten that I liked. Instead, out of 96 photos I had a hard time cutting it down to thirty. It’s amazing what the right pose and lighting can do. The photos I chose are being put into a small magazine album that my hubby can keep in his desk or briefcase. I also got him a 5×7 headshot for his desk.

I think every women who feels comfortable should have boudoir photos taken. Don’t let your weight, cellulite, or stretch marks stop you. All your best attributes will be bought out in the hands of a gifted and seasoned photographer. You don’t even have to do it for your husband. Do it for yourself. You’re worth it!

Here is the untouched top half of one of my photos. I want to have some control over who sees it so if you want to see the rest I have it password protected. Email me at slackermomof4 at yahoo dot com for the password. If I don’t know you or you don’t have a blog so I can check you out then don’t expect to get the password. Don’t be shy, my friends. It’s a very tasteful and artistic photograph.

I’m always touched by the writing of Jen from One Plus Two but this post especially touched me. She writes about a homeless man that shared his sandwich with her because he overheard her say she was hungry. He sacrificed his own needs for her. A homeless man who is rich in kindness, chivalry, and compassion. Sometimes those that have the least give the most.

Her story reminded me of the Free Hugs Campaign. The true story of Juan Mann whose sole mission was to reach out and hug a stranger to brighten up their life. His hugging caught on until the city, police and officials banned it. A petition of 10,000 signatures was obtained and the ban was lifted. It’s quite an inspiring story. You can read more about it here but first watch the video which tells the whole story along with the song “All The Same” by the Sick Puppies. It will make your day.

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