The birds and the bees talk is lurking right around the corner at the slacker household. My two oldest daughters Madeline and Isabelle are nine and seven. I’m not at all ready to have “the talk” with my seven year old but I have a feeling that once Madeline knows the secret of sex she’s going to tell Isabelle. I was six when my cousin told me what sex was all about and I immediately sought out my sis whose 13 months younger to give her the shocking info.
I’ve been doing a pretty good job of dodging their questions. I know, I’m a chicken. About six months ago Madeline asked me what sex was.
Me: Well, your sex means you are either a girl or a boy.
She did not look satisfied with that answer so I asked her what she thought it meant.
Madeline: It’s when a mommy and daddy kiss naked.
Me: Exactly! See, you already know.
Thankfully she was satisfied with that and we moved on to another topic that didn’t make me sweat buckets.
Whew!
Then a couple weeks ago hubby had bath duty so he was in our master bath with all four of our kids. Just as I was walking through our bedroom on my way into the master bath I hear Isabelle tell her daddy that the neighbor girl told her that you have to have sex to make a baby.
Isabelle: Is that true?
Daddy: I don’t know. Ask mommy.
Oh no he di’int! I turned myself right around and was nearly outside to hide when Madeline caught up with me.
Madeline: Do you have to have sex to make a baby?
Me (as nonchalantly I could muster): Of course! You have to love your husband to make a baby.
Madeline: So you and daddy did that?
Me: Yes. That’s how we made you.
Madeline: Gross!
And off she went in complete disgust.
Yes, another golden opportunity to have “the talk” that I wiggled out of.
Madeline is getting the gist of what sex is except for the actual technical details of the whole penis in the vagina thing. She’s also starting to pick up on flirtatious talk between hubby and me.
We do this sexual banter and up until now we could do it and the kids were clueless. For example, we would call each others cell phones even though we were in the same car together. The kids would be in back watching a movie and we would have a sexy phone conversation. At the time we had three kids under three and a half so we weren’t having a whole lot of sex so these playful conversations were the next best thing.
This past Sunday we engaged in playful sexual banter while fixing dinner. I had marinated a flank steak for him to grill but it needed the rub put on before he could put it on the grill. Our conversation went something like this:
Me: You need to rub your meat first.
Hubby: I need to rub my meat?
Me: Yes, you need to rub both sides.
Hubby: I like it better when you rub my meat.
Me: I know, honey but sometimes you have to rub your own meat.
Hubby: We could rub my meat together.
Me: I’m really not in the mood to rub your meat.
Hubby: Can you show me how to rub it?
Me: All you have to do is rub both sides. Make sure you rub it real good because I only eat meat that tastes good.
Hubby: Oh, so you are going to make it hard for me.
Me: Yes, I prefer it that way.
We are now starting to giggle and Madeline who seemed to be lost into the computer pipes up and says, “Okay, that just sounds gross!”
Oops.
Can any of you recommend a book about the birds and bees? I need all the help I can get.
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I am a self professed slacker mom. I answer to Kristie or slackermommy.
My house is a mess, my kids are obnoxious, and my husband is sexually deprived.
I drive my kids to school in my pj's, I can make a couple of Happy Meals from the floor of my car, my kids eat in front of the television, and I believe a dirty house helps kids have a healthy immune system.
If you can relate then this blog is for you. No sugar coating on my blog. Let's get real about being a mommy, wife, sister, and friend.
You can also find me slacking at:
BlondeMomBlog (Jamie)
October 18th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
I don’t have any recommendations but will be reading your comments for some!
My 5 1/2 year old is clueless about sex so far. She just started school, though, so I’m sure in the next year or two she’ll be asking some questions about baby making, especially if we marinate a flank steak.
sltbee69
October 18th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
Oh my - I’m laughing so hard right now. I haven’t had “that” conversation with my 10-yr old daughter yet either. I can talk about puberty stuff all day long but when it comes to discussing a penis in a vagina, not so much. You figure out the best way to talk about it, give us an update, will ya?
Sarah
October 18th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
Oh my Gosh, I am laughing so hard that I’m crying. I absolutely needed that today! I have no advice, mine are 1 and 3…but after that laugh, I can now go face the laundry. Thanks.
AlwaysArousedGirl
October 18th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
http://www.amazon.com/Where-Did-Come-Peter-Mayle/dp/0818402539
A classic.
I have a copy on the shelf in plain sight. I’m hoping that my eldest finds it and “sneaks” it to her room.
K.B.
October 18th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
HAHAH SO FUNNY! I remember very vividly when i got the birds and the bees talk from my father… my mom was just THAT much of a wuss. He used the book “Where Did I Come From” and even though it is kinda hoaky it totally got the job done…
Sometimes I look through it again just for fun, lol nothing like overweight cartoons doin’ it to get me going! Oh, the memories… Anyway, you may want to check that one out.
Good luck!
K.B.
October 18th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
I just read the Amazon reviews on “Where Did I Come From” and a lot of people found it to be too graphic and informative.
For some reason, I can remember grade school SO vividly, and let me tell you… it is NO more graphic than what her friends may be telling her! The first time I heard the word “boner” I was in 4th grade and thought it was some kind of hair cut because some girl told this boy that she was going to give him a boner, and the next day he came to class with shorter hair! LOLOL oh man, poor me. POOR YOU!
Jennifer aka Binky Bitch
October 18th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Sorry, no advice, but this post was so funny! And I agree, no he din’t! Good luck with “the talk”.
Mamma
October 18th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
I’ve just taken the medical route. Facts. Facts. Facts. They don’t really want to know much more than that. But I have boys and I think that’s entirely different.
Hope that meat tasted good.
acumamakiki
October 18th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
i rememember i was 7 years old when russell ford told me a man peed inside a woman and that’s when i found out. whenever my 6 y.o. asks, i’ve been able to avoid the whole subject without too much fibbing. i know it’s around the corner and i’m hoping there are some good book suggestions here.
Raquita
October 18th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
I’d tell you to read third base isn’t what it used to be - its right up the alley of moms like us
teebopop
October 18th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
I don’t know how to tell you this, but if Madeline is 9, you need to get on the “birds and bees” bandwagon pretty quick. In just a couple of years, her body will start changing and getting ready for her first period. She needs to know that stuff soon. My girls were 10 and 11 when that happened. But they were prepared for it (for about a year before their first period they do have a discharge pretty regularly). You just have to be the first person to initiate the conversation. You have to let them know you are open to discussing anything. Don’t wait until they ask the first time around. Take control, talk matter-of-factly, be as specific as you can without scaring the living shit out of them. They need to know. In this world, they need to know how to protect themselves. THEN comes the decision about whether or not to get them the HPV vaccination. You can do this. They’re your girls. I know that my parents told me nothing. NOTHING. I was totally clueless. I decided that my daughters would be informed. We took it one step at a time. Too much information will overwhelm them. Give them a little bit of info, tell them that every Saturday you’ll sit down and talk about what you said the previous Saturday. Chances are they’ll have a chance to think about the info you gave. Bring pictures, diagrams something not too silly. You can’t avoid this much longer. I know you know that. What you don’t know is that my girls did okay. They were glad I was open with them about everything. Sex, love, drugs, and rock and roll. We talked about it all. AND they could talk about it with me in front of their father if they wanted to … he was always available to them to tell them stuff about what boys their age think and do.
You’ll be okay.
They’ll be okay.
Give yourself a shot of bourbon and plunge right in! You might be shocked at how much they really already know but are too embarrassed to talk about!
Kuwaitia
October 18th, 2007 at 7:23 pm
OMG! I peed my pants, I’m laughing so hard. I wish I had magical advice for you. Honestly, I say let them find out from their friends. They got the jist from you. My mom tried to have “the talk” with me when I was 13, and I was soooo uncomfortable, I just wanted to make her stop talking!
Elaine
October 18th, 2007 at 8:17 pm
I seem to remember some American Girl brand books for girls about hygene, body changes, and birds and the bees lying around in a girl’s room I used to sit for. I went to stay with them for a week while their parents were on vacation and I was staying in the girl’s room. I flipped through a book about body changes and it seemed really informative and not cheesy or too graphic.
pinks & Blues Girls
October 18th, 2007 at 8:51 pm
The good thing is, I know my parents obviously told me about the birds and the bees, but I don’t actually remember it. Maybe it’s a supressed memory, but that’s OK.. at least it didn’t scar me for life. It sounds like you’re doing a good job! And with any luck, your kids won’t remember “the talk” - just the info it supplied.
Jane, Pinks & Blues
Sierra
October 18th, 2007 at 8:57 pm
I guess in my line of work, I can’t afford to be bashful about sex. But I haven’t really thought about the sex talk with my kiddo yet. It’s going to come up sooner than later, and there really isn’t anything to be ashamed of… But danged if it isn’t crazy to really form her foundation for sexual health.
Good luck and I will be looking back here for good references and advice.
dawn224
October 18th, 2007 at 9:09 pm
I like Where Did I Come From, but it’s not for the faint of heart. When I was in middle school my favorite book was Girltalk by Carol Weston.
JaniceNW
October 18th, 2007 at 11:39 pm
I just answered any questions in calm manner and used age appropriate information. I was the parent who did all this. As they get older, some kids shut down, not mine. They know, for instance, havung sex w/o prtection is stupid. No Glove NO Love. I do not encourage them in any way to have sex but they know about it and we still have conversations about different things. Like the time my 16yo brought up the whale condom they have at Spencer’s gifts. We honest and we laugh often. Prolly not much help but it boils down to honesty and discretion based on their developmental level.
Lisa
October 18th, 2007 at 11:40 pm
ahahaahahhaha.
I’ve given Seth bits and pieces thus far but not exactly how one fits into the other. I’ve made it as clinical and technical as possible. I’m hoping that if I do that, it will take the “ick” and embarrassment out of it for BOTH of us.
Kevin Charnas
October 19th, 2007 at 7:21 am
HHAA!! GOOD GOD, WOMAN!
I remember thinking that the guy had to pee on the girl.
Lawyer Mama
October 19th, 2007 at 9:53 am
My parents busted out Where Did I Come From when I was 6 or 7 and started asking those uncomfortable questions. I immediately shared the book with all of my friends. Wisely my mom vetoed my request to bring it for show & tell.
Good luck, sweetie!
DIXIECHICK
October 19th, 2007 at 11:30 am
I have no advise either….in fact, I need it myself too, so I will be watching/reading as well…what age is appropriate for this conversation to take place? I mean…kids are so much “older” than thier ages these days…when is too soon to share this information?
Dixie
Farrell
October 19th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
I have no recommendations but do have a few comments:
1. I dread that day
2. You and your hubby are lucky to talk to each other like that and still make time for the flirting, even amongst all the kids and while doing “chores”:)
3. My mom taught me about sex by watching Lifetime movies. We would watch and a girl would get knocked up and she would say “see, now that’s what happens when you go giving it away to just anybody”
Honestly, I’m glad that was the way. I don’t think I could have stomached a f2f frank discussion with her. It makes me blush just thinking bout it.
4. I’m considering the “shock” treatment: show child video tape of woman having terrible labor; show her the blood, the torment. In hopes that will prevent. Of course, *I’ve* never actually seen such video…
Mommy's Getaway (TamP)
October 19th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
I laughed so hard at the meat conversation and your girl’s reaction, I was snorting!!!
*~*Cece*~*
October 19th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Oh you’re scaring me, Woman! My girls are 9 & 5. My 9 year old seems to be a bit niave (sp?) and doesn’t ask about sex or anything like that. But she is changing, she’s already growing arm pit hair! I keep trying to peek/glance down & see if pubic hair is growing but I don’t want to get caught checking her out. LMAO
I have a book at home that I (luckily) haven’t had to bust out yet. Its on sex but gives different answers to the same questions based on the child’s age. When I get home I’ll look for it & post for you.
I did have to speak to my oldest about her body changing and the need to wear more clothes around the house b/c she’s not a “little girl” anymore. She would walk around in underwear & an undershirt. No biggie when its just us and the doors are closed. But our neighbors had booys 12-16 and they have to pass our house to get to theirs and out of habit, I guess, they’d glance in. We had to put a stop to that. I explained to her that her body will change as she gets older and she’ll develop breasts, like me, and grow hair. That its a sign of growing up and its special so we have to keep it to ourselves. Oh man that was a hard talk. After it was done I grabbed a beer and a cigarette and stepped outside for a bit! lol Good luck!
Queen of the Mayhem
October 19th, 2007 at 6:13 pm
I don’t have any idea and, with the Princess being 9, I am SCARED to death that this fate also soon awaits me…..remember…she is the one who said, “Get a room” when Mr. Mayhem and I were hugging in the kitchen.
Please SHARE if you find something!
Linlee
October 19th, 2007 at 6:21 pm
The meat conversation was hilarious! I’m really not looking forward to having that talk but I still have awhile! Thank God
Sparky Duck
October 19th, 2007 at 10:24 pm
I love the “of course you need to love Daddy to make a baby” shot. Totally skirting the issue, yet teaching morals
Ruth Dynamite
October 20th, 2007 at 5:48 am
You crack me up, Slacker Mom. The American Girl book has info about bodies and periods and deoderant and it’s very appropriate for kids that age. I’d start there and distract them with periods.
carosgram
October 20th, 2007 at 11:20 am
I don’t mean to rain on anyone’s parade but if you have a nine year old who is asking you if you and daddy had sex to have a baby, she already knows the fundamentals. Someone has told her how it happens. However you still don’t know if what she was told was accurate or factual. You don’t know what myths she has been told also. As an elementary principal I want you all to know that many children know all about sex in kindergarten and tell all to anyone who will listen. They are trying to work through all they have heard. If your 9 year old has armpit hair and isn’t talking to you, it is because she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing what she has learned from others with you. She is not naive, she is embarrassed. My school is in a small town with 1950 values. We have virtually no discipline problems and parents are actively involved with their children. Kids and their parents are more likely to be on the soccer field or baseball diamond than on the streets at night. We still have a moment of silence every morning after the pledge and patriotic song. Yet my students know about sex. Also I personally found it easier to talk to my kids about sex before they hit puberty, when it was still theoretical nor personal. Good luck to all of you. Remember that you model your values everyday and modeling a normal, healthy married sex life is good for your kids.
Izzy
October 20th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Holy crap! You made me spit coffee with all that meat-rubbing talk.
As for the BIG TALK, jeez I don’t know. My daughter is seven and I can’t even begin to imagine explaining it to her yet. But when you figure it all out, take good notes for those who are just a few years behind you. Hell, write your own book about it!!!
And if I haven’t said this like a million times already, I loved meeting you at Blogher. You and Lisa are good people and a lot of fun!
MotoMom
October 20th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
For you:Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know about Sex but Were Afraid They’d Ask : The Secrets to Surviving Your Child’s Sexual Development from Birth to the Teens
by Justin Richardson, Mark A. Schuster, Mark Schuster
For her:Dr. Ruth Talks to Kids : Where You Came from, How Your Body Changes, and What Sex Is All About
by Ruth K. Westheimer
My son was 7 when he had it all figured out and started asking questions. Em was 9 and in the room so I had the talk with both of them then. The Dr. Ruth book did have a couple of things I was not totally comfortable with, but figured they would learn it anyway. I gave the book to my daughter and told her she could come to me with any questions. At some point she loaned it to her little brother. That was it until a few months ago Skyler started asking if we still did “it”, if I liked doing “it” with my husband, and if that was why we closed the door. We have been busted a few times this past summer when we sent them out to play with friends and thought we had an hour to ourselves. At this point we figure it is good for the kids to realize that it is good inside of marriage.
Sleeping Beauty
October 20th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
this was a great post. too funny. I have 3 small children of my own, i dread the day i have to have the talk
crazymumma
October 21st, 2007 at 6:07 pm
I don’t know a good book. Talk to your local librarian perhaps?
We jumped into the deep end head first and just told them the whole damn thing.
And they were fine.
lib
October 21st, 2007 at 11:37 pm
That was terrific! Sounds like life in my house.
carrie
October 22nd, 2007 at 12:53 am
First, I think my husband and myself have had that same conversation!
And the book that was recommended to me a few years ago by our parent educator was: “It’s So Amazing! A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies and Families” by Robie E. Harris. It’s for ages 7 & up. There is another, called “It’s Perfectly Normal” by the same author for ages 10 & up, but I thought the first was better for starting, and after all the info in the book, I hope not to need the 2nd!!!
We needed to have the talk after the boys watched “Cocoon” and asked me what a “boulder” was when one of the old guys talks about boners. Nice.
batmanbarbie
October 22nd, 2007 at 7:51 am
We have “The Care and Keeping of You”. It’s one of the American Girl books. It really helped. It doesn’t go into sex so much as body changes regarding puberty, but it’s a good start. My daughter got her period when she was 10, and that seems to be happening more often these days, so you need a plan! Kid’s are always grossed out by the sex talk, but they will pick up on how uncomfortable you are, so try to be as matter-of-fact and calm as you can. This time really sets the tone for how they will communicate later on, when issues really start to come up.
LunaNik
October 22nd, 2007 at 10:08 am
Sorry, don’t have any recommendations for books, but I had to comment just to let you know that I’m laughing my ass off! My hubby and I do the same thing!! Luckily my kids are only 1 and 2 years old so we can still get away with it. Found you thru The Mom Blogs, BTW, love it and will visit regularly…can’t wait to read more!!
TheBlueDudes
October 22nd, 2007 at 11:19 am
Hahaha! That’s priceless!
Momish
October 22nd, 2007 at 2:46 pm
I would be like you, running the other way (and that was way sneaky of hubby to pawn it off on you!).
The sex talk cracks me up! I think it’s great that you are so flirty and sexy with each other, especially over chores!
Mert
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:53 pm
Heehee! John and I can still get away with sexy talk here and there because Anna is only 6 1/2 and doesn’t know much except that once a girl starts having her period she is PHYSICALLY able to have babies. I’m not really looking forward to it either, but I am going to try to find books that are not overwhelming and are too geared toward the anatomical aspects. I found some books for my friend on amazon once, i should look again.
Mrs. Schmitty
October 22nd, 2007 at 8:40 pm
Ewwww…that talks gonna have stop! My 9 year old boy, as innocent as the day is long, doesn’t have a clue yet. But our puppy went into heat…and I had to explain a few things without, you know having to explain too much. He isn’t making the human/canine connection, yet. Thank GOD!
Jenster
October 23rd, 2007 at 6:07 am
Hahahahaha!!! You’re cracking me up.
My kids are older and now we pretty much blatently engage in sexual banter just to gross them out. Nothing explicit like rubbing meat (funny stuff) - we whisper that stuff. But they can always tell we’re talking “naughty”. I love it.
As for talking sex, yikes. My husband sat down with our son and an illustrated medical dictionary and had a major talk with him a while ago. My daughter and I have had short conversations. Not everything all at once.
Sorry I’m no help!
EE
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:05 am
I don’t have any good books for you, but I’ll pass on some info. that I have learned.
Start talking about it now, and do it often. That way, when you REALLY need to discuss things, you both will be comfortable doing so.
Elaine
October 27th, 2007 at 9:05 am
I know I already commented, but I was thinking, in our school district, kids go in fourth grade to the McMillan Health Center. They learn EVERYTHING. Parents can go as chaperones, but mine didn’t. Recently a child I sit for went to the center with his class. It was good because they got the ball rolling and then he felt more comfortable to come home and ask his mom questions.
Does your school do this? It might be a good thing to suggest.
lildb
October 27th, 2007 at 2:26 pm
ohhhhhh my goddddd … *trails off in spasm of laughter*
that’s awesome, Kristie. just plain awesome.
*wipes eyes, exhales*