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I wish I was rich and famous and could pull an Oprah and give away all my favorite things. But what I can give you is a list of my favorite products and maybe some ideas for your holiday shopping list. These are products that I have actually tried and liked. I am not being paid, sponsored, or bribed. I will not receive any payment or compensation for anything I link. I have not received any of these products for free. I’m just a slacker mom sharing her favorite things to give as gifts or that I feel are actually worth the money.

Baby Gymnastics Bounce & Spin Zebra
This zebra rocks! I gave it to Marigrace for her first birthday. It’s nearly a year later and she still gets on and spins. Now that she’s a little older and more agile she can really get this zebra zipping around. It’s durable and well worth the money.

Playmobil Pirate Skull Ship
I bought this pirate ship several years ago for Isabelle who was five and we still have it minus a few pieces. All of my kids enjoy playing with this ship on the floor, in the pool, and in the bathtub. It has even taken a few magical flights through the air. I love Playmobil products. The advent calendar and play set is another favorite of mine. Playmobil sets have lots of little pieces so their take along sets are great for keeping everything together.

Geotrax Rail and Road System
We have been collecting pieces to this set since it came out. Our set has gotten so big that it takes up a 6 foot by 6 foot area in our basement. All four of my kids play with it. There’s lots of sounds and lights and the trains run by remote controls that are color coded. I must admit that I also love playing with it.

The Christmas Box Of Questions
This is a box of cards to create conversations. Each card has a Christmas related question that are thought provoking. I put this box out on the coffee table every year. My family really enjoys sitting by a fire, looking at the Christmas tree and passing this box around. It’s been great for parties and I like to give this as a hostess gift when I attend holiday parties. I also love that a portion of proceeds from the sales will go to charities that benefit children and families.

Personalized baby and kid scrubs
These scrubs are a fun and practical gift. They are the kid version of adult scrubs with the child’s name on the chest like a real doctor or nurse.

Harry & David Royal Riviera Pears
This is my old standby gift. I’ve been giving these pears as gifts for years.My kids call them Golden Pears because I buy them once a year and tell them that they are the most exquisite fruit they will ever eat so treat them like gold. They truly are the best tasting fruit I have ever eaten. Harry & David runs a special every year where you buy one box and get the second for half off so you can order one box to give and another to treat yourself.

Philosophy bath products
I love love their products. Want to see me squeal like a little girl? Give me any of Philosophy’s products. Not only are their products fantastic but the packaging and product names are so fun. Their holiday line has yummy smells like candy cane, gingerbread, pumpkin pie, and sugar plum and great names like grace, purity, and hope.

What are your favorite things?

************************************************

I had to fess up to my nine year old that there is no fat man dressed in a red suit who magically breaks into our homes and brings presents to good boys and girls. I had to. I was too afraid she would find my Santa’s helper lingerie like the kids in this video:

Seriously, I did have to tell her about the big Santa Secret. She must have been the last kid in her class that still believed and she was getting teased.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving holiday. This is exactly why I didn’t cook a turkey. I can’t even cook a virtual turkey without burning it!

Now go elf yourself!

I finally wrote and sent my parents their Dear John letter. I opted to not give them a laundry list of my complaints since I would just get one fired back from them. I’ve had a lifetime of their negative messages so I certainly don’t want to invite more. They’ve done enough damage to my soul.

I stayed in my feelings and used “I” statements just as years and years of therapy have taught me. I was kind but firm. I know that it is a huge blow to them and that makes me very sad. Cutting ties is not about retaliation but about putting myself and my family first. I pray that they will see it that way but most likely they never will. That would require them looking in the mirror at themselves and they have proven time and time again that they aren’t willing to do that. It’s easier to blame me.

I have received so much great advice on my saga in my comments but Jaelithe’s advice really helped put things in perspective for me today.

“It’s so difficult to turn your back on family, even when your relationship with them is totally toxic, but remember: they are the ones creating this situation, not you. It is their behavior, not yours, that is causing the rift between you. Your refusing to participate in their twisted mind games is not causing the problem.

Here is a slideshow called Definition of a Family that I put together a couple years ago after the birth of my 4th baby. If you have a couple of minutes please indulge me in celebrating my creating the family I never had. You will be prompted to download the Photodex Presenter plugin if you don’t already have it. It’s completely safe and worth the high quality it delivers.

Peace.

I love giving photo gifts for the holidays especially for those hard to buy for people. Who doesn’t love receiving a personal photo gift?

Kodak Gallery has great photo gifts. I’ve just ordered the fleece blanket for my niece with a photo of her child that recently passed away. They also have great photo ornaments and a huge selection of cards. Another great idea is their photo albums. You upload your photos and they do the rest.

The giving spirit is upon me so I’m hosting a giveaway for a $50 gift card from the Kodak Gallery. Just leave a comment on this post and a winner will be randomly chosen on Monday, November 26 at midnight. It’s not too late to order your holiday cards.

Thank you my friends and also to those I don’t know who took the time to leave kind words of support on my last post. Those kind words are what has helped me through this week.

I have not written my dad back yet. I know closing the door on our relationship is the best thing for me and my family but I’m still finding it very difficult to do. These are the people who gave me life and although I’m thankful I realize that I don’t owe them my life. My dad wants answers to why I no longer want them in my life and I feel so irritated by that. If he doesn’t have a clue to why we can’t have an authentic relationship then he’s never going to get it. I’m too old for this crap. I’ve given them so many second chances. We even tried family counseling and my dad walked out in the first five minutes. I have to keep reminding myself that their life has gotten to where it is by the choices they made and I have to stop holding myself responsible. I can just hear my dead grandmother saying that they made their bed and now they have to lie in it.

I plan to write my dad back in the next day or so. I will be kind but firm. I just can’t imagine how horrible it would feel to receive a letter from my adult child asking me to stay out of their life. But then I could never treat my kids how they treated me and my sis.

My struggle really isn’t about making the decision to keep them out of my life but dealing with the feelings of doing it. I hate to think about how sad they must be. This is hard for me to shake because I’ve been responsible for making them happy for as long as I can remember. I also failed miserably because these are two people who are incapable of true happiness.

I hope to be back to myself soon instead of all this boohooing over my parental saga. In the meantime I am so thankful for all your thoughts, prayers, support, and kind words. Many of you have left your own story in my comments and it saddens me that there are so many of us that can’t maintain a good relationship with our parents. I hope we are all doing a better job with our kids than our parents did. I know I’m trying my best to not repeat the cycle of abuse.

Fourteen years ago I spent a year in group therapy. I had seen therapists off and on since I was eighteen to help me battle my childhood demons. I had suffered with depression since I was twelve and there were many times that mentally I would fall into the deepest blackest hole you can imagine. I don’t know how else to explain it. This is how I picture those dark times in my mind and I can remember feeling like the hole was so deep and dark that I would never get out. When I was in the hole I was incapable of seeing what was just above the surface of the hole. It is the worst feeling of despair and with the help of medication and a lot of therapy, God, good friends, my husband, and self help books I’ve managed to not fall back into the hole for quite some time.

I really wasn’t all that keen on doing group therapy. How could I listen to other people’s problems when I couldn’t even deal with my own.? I had been through a couple of lousy therapists and psychiatrists who were only interested in putting me on medication. My depression isn’t just a chemical imbalance but also situational and at the time I was in a very dark place.

The only good thing I had at the time was a couple of very supportive friends and a job as an RN that paid well. The rest of my life was falling apart. I had fallen for a gorgeous man and we moved in together after dating only a few months. It didn’t take long to figure out that this man with the pretty face was not right. He was immature, insecure, and paranoid. When he accused me and my sis of poisoning his chili I knew it was time to send him packing. He moved out and my sister moved in since our parents were giving her the silent treatment. She was home from college and things with our parents were really rough. Back then I was more like a mother than a sister to her.

We got into a big fight because she wanted to use my driver’s license to rent a U-haul to pick up her furniture from her college apartment. You needed to be 23 years old to rent and she was only 22. I wasn’t comfortable with the idea. I knew that if she had an accident I would be held responsible and my insurance was already quite expensive. My sister didn’t have any car insurance at the time. Rather than stand my ground and knowing that our parents weren’t going to help her I gave in or at least made a compromise. I rented the truck and drove the two hours to get her stuff and back home. The worst part was that I did this after working night shift so I had been up for more than 24 hours. I was exhausted to the point that I was nauseated. The trip took 5 hours round trip in angry silence. But I felt so compelled to take care of my family to the point of martyrdom.

I don’t remember how long we stayed mad at each other but the stress of my sister’s neediness and the daily hate phone messages from our mom took it’s toll. We ended up in a physical fight and my sis moving out. She moved in with a family that we both had been a nanny for. The mother of this family had become a good friend and helped keep us sane during our parent’s insanity. She came to my apartment to get the rest of my sister’s things and she was not nice about it. She took my sister’s side and it was a slap in the face. Yes I was angry, depressed, and I did overpower my sister during our scuffle but I was spinning out of control. I had a mom who would call me names while she ranted at me for not doing what she wanted, a dad who was giving me the silent treatment because I didn’t do what he wanted, and a sister who was mad at me for not doing what she wanted. They were all wanting me to take care of them because that had always been my role and it was my fault things weren’t going their way.

I had recently started seeing a therapist that I really liked and she was teaching me how to set boundaries with my family. The boundaries I was trying to enforce were interrupting the status quot of my family and things got really ugly but I needed to make changes. My family was drowning me. This therapist changed my life but she was a very expensive life changer. Back then health insurance didn’t cover the cost of a therapist so that’s how I ended up in group therapy. It was much more affordable because the cost was split amongst all the members.

It was weird at first. I hated listening to the problems of strangers but after a few sessions the strangers became my friends. We had a common bond in that we were all really fucked up. Those sessions became a safe haven for me although I dreaded going every week. The work was really hard and I had to look at some things about myself that I did not like.

The therapist used a technique where we were to nurture our inner child; the child that didn’t get love and affirmation. We had to buy a doll that looked like us as a child and treat the doll how we should have been treated. It seems weird and corny but it was very effective. Most adults who were abused as children have a hard time turning off negative messages in their mind from childhood. It’s very hard to not feel bad or worthless as an adult when that’s how you were made to feel as a child.

We did a lot of role playing and punching pillows. Our therapist felt it was important to take ourselves back to how we felt as powerless children and then helping us realize that as adults we were no longer powerless. During these role plays we could say all the things to our “parents” that we couldn’t say when we were under their control.

One of the hardest scenarios I acted out was when my dad got out his gun during one of my parents violent fights. At first we thought he was going to kill us so we hid in the shower with our mom. I can remember that night vividly as if it happened yesterday. It was terrifying. No child should ever fear that their parent is going to take their life.

He called us out with the promise to not hurt us. We found him in the living room with the gun to his head and he was yelling at my mom that if she did not divorce him he would blow his brains out. Me and my sis were screaming and crying. We begged our mom to agree to divorce so he wouldn’t shoot himself. The drama went on for what seemed like hours before it stopped. In the end my dad didn’t shoot himself and they didn’t get divorced but that incident has made a permanent stamp in my mind.

By the end of our reenacting that situation my therapist was able to help me to start understanding that it is not my responsibility to prevent my parents from killing themselves. I still struggle with this feeling because my mom threatens suicide often but after awhile I became numb to her threats. What I may never become numb to is how awful that incident was for me. I was eleven at the time and now I look at my oldest and I’m in disbelief that my parents could behave like that and not think that it would leave us with a permanent scar. They were supposed to protect us.

The most effective role play we did was when four group members each took the role as my mom, dad, sister, and brother. They wrapped their arms around me while they repeated my family’s dysfunctional messages. I could only take a few minutes of it before I felt like I couldn’t breathe and I pushed myself out of their hold. For the first time I could see how their expectations of me were impacting my life for the worse. My biggest challenge was my need to separate from my family and to stop feeling responsible for their happiness. I felt like they would fall apart without me.

Why am I sharing all this? I’m not really sure. I just started writing to help me deal with the heavy thoughts in my mind right now. I’m feeling like my parents have me back in that hold. If you read my last post you know that my mom sent me an email requesting a reconciliation. I responded with:

Please don’t come over. I’m not interested in a reconciliation. I wish you all the best.

My dad responded yesterday and I haven’t been able to get it off my mind. In fact it is consuming me. Typical. This is why I need to shut the door on this part of my life. My parents can get such an emotional hold on me that I function with extreme irritability. I’m snapping at my husband and my family’s needs are taking me back to my feelings of overwhelming responsibility I had as a child for the cooking, cleaning, and emotional needs of my parents. I’m tired and I hate how my parents can think that they can walk back in my life as if they’ve done nothing and then become indignant with me for wanting space.

My dad’s email was typical of him acting as if he has no idea why we’ve been estranged for two years. There was no apology for my son finding and ingesting one of the sleeping pills that my mom had hidden or for blaming my son rather than my mom. There was no mention of how our estrangement was their choice. I had asked that even though they were angry with me over the pill incident and were holding me responsible once again for my mom’s suicide attempt to please not take it out on my daughter and attend her Christmas concert. They knew how important it was to me that they not treat my kids like they did me. There were so many special occasions, graduations, and my wedding that they did not attend because they were mad at me or my sister. Not going to her concert was a deal breaker. They did not go and I came home to angry emails from my mom, dad, and brother. In fact my brother’s email was the most hateful words that I’ve ever seen on paper. This was the kid that my sis and I practically raised. And I was two weeks away from delivering my fourth baby but they didn’t care. Their feelings and needs have always come first.

What my dad mentioned was that on several occasions he wanted to show up at my door and ask me what my problem is. My problem? Typical. And how typical of them to take their mental holiday for two years and then think they can waltz back in my life as if nothing ever happened and demand to know what my problem is. I know what’s my problem. THEM.

He also accused me of being a bad Christian because the bible says to honor thy mother and father. Yeah I know. I’ve been hung up on that one my entire adult life. It’s the reason why I keep going back for more abuse.

He wants answers to why I’m so angry but it isn’t anger I’m feeling but resolve. I don’t want to do this anymore. How many times do we have to do this before we get it right? I have a feeling that it’s never. That is why I have to stop. It is unfair to my own family and much too difficult to be a good wife and mother from the depths of a black hole.

My dad is demanding answers and threatens to show up at my door if I don’t explain why I no longer want them in my life. Wow, the land of denial must be a nice place. My sister thinks it’s great. I have my chance to tell them how I feel and what I feel happened over those four years that led us to our demise. I really don’t want to do it. I’m not angry. I’m sad and I’m tired of putting so much time in energy into something that repeatedly fails and leaves me an emotional mess. Like Dr. Phil always says, past behavior is a predictor of future behavior.

I’m checking out of the blogosphere for a few days so I can collect my thoughts, put them down on paper and hopefully move on with my life without my parents. They had cut their own abusive parents out of their life and now I’m cutting them out of mine but unlike my parents, the cycle of abuse stops here. I know better so I will do better. Unfortunately I have the feeling that they are not going to make this easy for me.

We are back from our trip to Branson and it was nice to come back to so many supportive comments on my last post. I’ve given it a lot of thought and agree that Isabelle’s teacher is a bit too conservative and overeacted. I should have remembered this about her from when Madeline was in her class. She would tell me that Madeline was hyper as if she had committed a crime.

In Isabelle’s defense I can’t blame her for thinking so much about having a boyfriend and a first kiss. I’ve been paying attention to the shows they watch such as Hannah Montana and the Olsen twins movies and they often involve a love interest and sometimes a kiss. When I was Isabelle’s age I watched The Brady Bunch and Little House On The Prairie which were much more wholesome. So for now I’m going to stop worrying that I’m messing up my kids. I’ve got something much heavier weighing on my mind.

Just before we left on our trip I received an email from my mom asking for permission to come over and talk with me. I haven’t written about my parental saga in awhile so I’ll refresh your memory. My parents have been emotionally abusive for as long as I can remember and my mom is mentally ill and difficult to deal with most days. After many years of riding their emotional roller coaster and not seeing much improvement for a loving and authentic relationship with them I cut ties. For good. Or so I hoped.

Of course I have terrible guilt. My relationship or lack of relationship with my parents is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. I want a relationship with them more than anything but we just can’t give each other what we need without someone feeling emotionally depleted. Logically I know that I’ve made the right decision but the compassionate side of me feels horrible and bad. These bad feelings are holding me hostage. I’ve often described these feelings as being similar to Stockholm Syndrome where a victim sympathizes with their abuser. I recently found an article that explains this phenomena in personal relationships.

I’ve given my parents request great thought over the weekend and quite honestly I have no desire to resume a relationship with them. I’m so much happier and not so anxiety ridden with them out of the picture. The thought of returning to my role as my mom’s personal therapist and walking on eggshells to insure she’s kept emotionally balanced makes me sick to my stomach. I just don’t have the time or energy to invest in a relationship that is doomed to fail. Again and again. I’m a better mom and wife with their absence. My relationship with my sister is left untouched by our mom’s manipulations. I am done with seeking their approval and no longer care what they think of me. That in it’s self has been so liberating.

What I struggle with is their feelings. I want to not care about how difficult it must be for them to no longer have contact with their daughters and their children. I would imagine that they are consumed with sadness and grief as if we had died. That is how I would feel in their situation but I often wonder if they are capable of the same kind of compassion. They certainly didn’t have compassion for their children all those years that they treated us like slaves, starved us, called us names, and put us in harms way on many occasions. Their ability to justify any wrong-doing towards their children often left us to blame. Despite all the anguish they have put me through I still have a strong need to take care of their feelings and hold myself responsible for their happiness. This is why I feel such an emotional pull when they try to win me back.

But I’m fighting this emotional pull with all my might. It’s easy when they are out of sight and mind to not give them much thought and stay strong to my convictions so I think it may be time to let them know that I want absolutely no contact with them. They may still send my kids cards and gifts if they like although I wish they would stop but I fear that my kids would be angry if they later found out that I had forbid it. I’m still on the fence with this one. It’s such a complicated situation with my kids because I also need to protect them from their abuse. This is something they will not understand until they are older and at that time they can make the decision for themselves if they want to seek out their grandparents.

The emails and attempts to reconcile do need to stop. This will be a hard one for my mom because she tends to stalk me when we are estranged although much less with the current estrangement. It’s our typical dysfunctional cycle where they get mad or I’ve had enough then we don’t talk for a few years. My mom stalks me once she’s “over” being mad and it’s usually a manipulative letter from my dad that lures me back in. We start off great and everyone is on their best behavior but eventually we all fall back into old patterns and spiral to our demise. I think my mom enjoys her “mental holidays” from me and the honeymoon phase of when we first reunite. Once euphoria of the honeymoon phase dies down I think she realizes that our relationship with me and my kids isn’t as great as she imagined. And our woes begin again.

I haven’t responded yet to their reconciliation email but I need to do so soon because I fear that they will show up at my door. I’m obsessed with keeping the garage door down and sneak to a window for a peek when the doorbell rings. I don’t want to live like this. I want it to be over. I need to be free of their emotional bondage. I need to figure out if I want to respond with a simple “Please don’t contact me” or if I should write them a letter of how I need to go on with my life without them and without anymore attempts for a reconciliation.

I found Lynette’s storyline last night on Desperate Housewives similar to my situation. Lynette’s mom was a drunk while she was growing up and is still a bit emotionally abusive. Her mom lived with her during her cancer treatment but now that Lynette is cancer free she no longer needs her mom. She wants her to go back to living with her sister but her attempt to send her mom back to live with either of her sisters fails. Lynette becomes very indignant when she realizes that neither of her sisters care about their mom. These are the two sisters who have been putting up with their mom for the last several years but Lynette who only housed her mom for a few months and now no longer has a need for her mom’s help does not understand how they can give up on their mom.

I understand how the sisters feel and have often been the subject of someone trying to make me feel guilty for not caring about my mom as I “should”. The thing is that a good relationship was never cultivated between me and my mom. I never learned to love my mom like most children do. I love my mom out of guilt and because she gave me life. I love her because I feel sorry for her and because I’m supposed to love her. In reality I don’t like her at all and being around her irritates the hell out of me. I’m thankful that she gave me life and I know that I did my best to try and create a loving relationship with her but there’s too much water under the bridge. I think some relationships can’t be fixed and this is one of them.

We are heading out of town tomorrow for our annual Branson trip so I’m leaving you with a story that relates to “the talk” I had with my daughters last weekend.

My seven year old, Isabelle is a bit boy crazy and I’m trying to figure out how to handle her and all her “boyfriends” since I did not go through this with my oldest. Currently she has a crush on a boy in her class and has been talking about him quite a bit. Yesterday she wrote nineteen pages in her notebook about how much she loves this boy along with drawings of the two of them. There were two drawings of them kissing. I saw some of the drawings and they seemed innocent enough. What I did not realize was that she took the notebook to school today and apparently several students and teachers saw what she had written. In the carpool line at pickup today Isabelle’s teacher poked her head in the car to let me know that Isabelle is writing inappropriate things in her notebook.

Of course I’m thinking there must be a drawing of her love interest’s penis or bad words so as soon as Isabelle gets in the car I asked to see the notebook.

It wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. There was several mentions of how she thinks this boy is “hot” or is a “hottie” and lots of hearts. There were two drawings of them kissing and the page that I think the teacher found inappropriate read:

Brennan is my boy. He is my boy because he is hot and a hottie. I like his hair and I want my lips to meet his lips so we can kiss and I will feel so so good when I get it. That will be the best day.

Um, yeah. Needless to say I feel embarrassed. My kids attend a very small catholic school and this teacher is pretty conservative and uptight. I can just imagine what she’s saying to the other teachers. What is she watching at home? Where would she learn this? It’s her mother’s fault that she’s so worldly. Did you see how low cut her shirt was the other day?

I was so proud of how well “the talk” went and was feeling like I had done a good job especially after all the supportive comments I received but this little incident has smacked me back down to second guessing mode. The Dr. Ruth book we looked at made a few references to love and sex feeling good. I’m wondering if that had anything to do with her writing about how kissing will make her feel so good? Damn. Damn. Damn. I was so worried about them sharing their new information with their friends but I didn’t expect that either would write about it. Who knows, it could be coincidental but I’m still left feeling like I just can’t seem to figure out this parenting gig. I don’t know why she’s boy crazy and always seems to have a crush on someone. I thought it was normal but her teacher’s reaction now has me doubting. It’s no surprise to me that she does think about love and kissing since there seems to be a love story in most of the movies and shows for kids. High School Musical is centered around a love story and features a kiss. Couple this with her recent knowledge of sex and I’m sure her wheels are turning.

I talked to her about her love for Brennan and what is and isn’t appropriate at school. I reminded her that she’s seven and shouldn’t be thinking about kissing boys. I also told her that’s okay to like a boy and enjoy being around him but the love letters should stay at home. She cried and felt embarrassed. It broke my heart. It seems to me that she’s just trying to figure out this whole love business. Unfortunately her teaching doesn’t see it as being that innocent.

What do you think? Is it or isn’t it normal for a second grader to think about kissing boys? I was in second grade when the movie Grease was popular and I can remember acting out the movie with friends and kissing the closet like it was Danny. I can also remember passing love notes in class but unlike my Isabelle I was careful to not get caught. Maybe that’s where I’m messing up. My kids are pretty comfortable with talking to me about most anything and I wonder if I’ve made them too comfortable around adults that they aren’t learning discretion. I honestly don’t know what to think about this incident. I wish I could be more like my hubby. He laughed when I told him and thinks it isn’t a big deal. He passed love notes in school and didn’t grow up to be a sex addict. I also wish I didn’t care so much about what the teacher thinks. God forbid she thinks I’m a bad mother with an out of control boy crazy kid.

Ugh!

I’ll be back blogging on Monday.

After much fretting and stalling, I finally had “the talk” with my two oldest daughters who are seven and nine. I collected several books on sex and puberty over the last two weeks and had been mentally preparing myself for the moment of truth.

My moment came and went on Friday when Madeline caught the word “rape” while flipping through television channels. She completely caught me off guard when she asked me what rape meant. I was bringing groceries in at the time and the baby was crying so I acted as if I couldn’t hear what she was saying and to ask me when I was done. I was betting on her ADD and that she would forget her question in a few minutes. She did which bought me some time to figure out what I want to say.

The next day when the boys were out of the house and the baby was asleep I gathered my books, took a deep breath and approached the girls. I reminded Madeline of her question from the previous day and if she still wanted to know what rape meant. She did so I matter-of-factly told her that rape is when someone forces sex on another person.

Her eyes got as big as saucers.

I asked her if she knew what sex was. She said that she didn’t and she didn’t want to know but I knew better. She wants to know but felt embarrassed. I was embarrassed too but I tapped into my nursing skills and talked to them very matter-of-factly like I used to when I talked to my patients about sex or embarrassing body functions. Isabelle was not embarrassed at all. She had no problem eagerly piping up that she wants to know about sex.

I reminded them of how the neighbor girl told them that you have to have sex to make a baby and that she was right. I explained how the man has the sperm which fertilizes the woman’s egg so it can become a baby. Then I said the sentence that I’ve been dreading: The man fertilizes the egg by putting his penis into the woman’s vagina.

Their eyes were as big as platters.

Then of course they asked if that’s what I did with daddy so I explained that we in fact did do “that” to make each one of them.

Madeline was uttering a lot of “ewww’s” and “gross’s” but yet was all too willing to look at the books I handed over. We thumbed through the books and I pointed out how cool and amazing the scientific process of making life is to deflect from the physical process. I giggled with them over the drawings of naked grown ups while I discussed that sex is not something children do because it’s a special thing between two people in love. I also explained that sex is a private topic and that they shouldn’t tell the kids at school. My kids attend a catholic school and I can just see a pissed off parent calling me because my kid told theirs that God isn’t the only person who puts a baby in a woman’s belly.

I also talked to them about periods and puberty but much of that they already knew along with how a baby comes out. The nurse in me never had any trouble with discussing those things. It’s the whole penis in the vagina thing that I got hung up on. Mostly because of my childhood memory of when I found out about intercourse. I was six when my cousin told me and I was completely grossed out because my parents were not discreet about their sexual relations. I had seen or heard them in one too many sexual situations and once I knew what they were doing I was mortified and disgusted. I don’t want my kids to feel that way about sex. It’s always icky to think about our parents having sex but I’m hopeful that since I have a better relationship with my kids than my parents did with me that they won’t be scarred by this new information like I was.

I left them alone with the books but listened from another room. I had to smile as I listened to them giggle because it reminded me of my sister and me doing the same as kids.

I’m glad that I finally did it and that it was not at all traumatic. I was afraid that I was going to feel like they’ve lost their innocence but that was not at all how it felt. It actually felt very empowering. I’ve empowered them with important knowledge in a no big deal kind of way about something that until then had been a big secret. The secret lost it’s power and now my kids have information about something they’ve been curious about plus the added benefit of knowing they can talk to me about sex and hopefully with a little less embarrassment.

Now I just have to figure out when and how to tell my son. I feel way weirder talking to him about it than the girls but there is no way my wussy husband is going to do it. Hopefully his sisters will show him the books or he will find them himself. (I’m making chicken sounds as I type this. Go ahead and join me.)

I have laundry envy. It’s not that I’m envious of how much laundry someone else has. Unless of course they have less than me or they have someone do it for them. What I envy is HOW their laundry smells. Seriously. I love clothes that smell clean. Do you know what I mean? That just washed detergent smell. For some reason I cannot obtain that same smell for my laundry. My family’s clothes smell clean if I sniff the fabric but I want it stronger. I want them to smell clean when they walk in the room.

Please don’t think I’m crazy. I don’t know why I’ve become so obsessive about how my laundry smells. I’ve tried every detergent there is. I run out and buy every new scent that hits the market. I use fabric softener and dryer sheets. I’ve tried different combinations of scents in hopes of obtaining that strong clean smell but to no avail.

I’ve come to believe that it must be how I do my laundry. Should I use double the amount of detergent? Liquid or powder? One dryer sheet or two? Is my dryer too hot? Should I line dry my laundry? What am I doing wrong? Would someone please enlighten me?

I am seriously envious of people who have clean smelling clothes. I will question them about their laundry habits to the point that I get a you-are-a-freak-look. I can even name all my friends and family that I’ve deemed to have the best smelling laundry. I don’t know why this is so important to me but it is. Just another odd fact about me that you probably wish you didn’t know.

I’ve recently come close to achieving that strong clean smell. I was sent Tide’s new product Pure Essentials detergent with baking soda and Bounce pure essentials dryer sheets in the white lilac scent. Now that you know about my clean smelling laundry obsession can you imagine how excited I was to try a new scent? I was even more excited when these two products passed my sniff test. Still not as strong as I would like which leads me to believe that I probably should just get a new washer and dryer. The problem has to be with my machinery. I’ll have to figure out how to render them unusable since I don’t think my hubby is going to buy a new washer and dryer just because I don’t think they clean well enough. As far as he’s concerned if his clothes look clean then they are clean. He does not understand the importance of smelling clean.

For now I’ll stick with Tide Pure Essentials Detergent, and Bounce Pure Essentials dryer sheets. Tide and Bounce have always been at the top of my list and I am not being paid to write that. I swear. I love how both of these smell and they do a great job of cleaning and softening too. My samples ran out a few days ago and I was like a laundry crack addict trying to score some more samples since these two products haven’t hit the shelves yet at my Target store.

But one of my lucky readers is going to win a P &G Pure Essentials Prize Basket, which includes the following:

• 50 oz. Tide Pure Essentials
• 44 oz. Downy Pure Essentials
• 70 Sheet Bounce Pure Essentials
• 27 oz. Febreze Fabric Refresher
• Wicker Basket
• Bath Towel

Leave a comment here to be entered in the giveaway. I will randomly pick a winner on Tuesday, November 6.

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