Apr

28

Tic, tic, tic

Filed Under ADHD, Tourette Syndrome, parenting | 31 Comments

I’ve had a tough day.

It began with an email from Madeline’s teacher. I love this teacher. She has dealt with Madeline’s tics and ADHD with so much understanding and patience. She is big on behavior modification and Madeline has responded well. We email often to keep each other abreast of what is going on with Madeline. Her email today informed me that Madeline was having a rough day and complaining about her eyes bothering her. She had glasses prescribed a few months ago but they aggravated her tics, causing her to frequently move her ears and rub the glasses on her nose until the skin became red and sore. We traded her glasses in for contacts and she did well with them the first few weeks but now she’s complaining of her eyes hurting and I have noticed that her blinking tic has increased considerably over the last week. She is so hypersensitive.

I wasn’t surprised that she was having a bad day. I noticed a change in her behavior over the weekend. She was more impulsive than usual and her tics were greatly increased. I know that it’s time to consider medicating her. It’s been a year since we tried Strattera and that is the only drug we have tried. I have a friend whose son has similar issues as Madeline and is doing very well on Tenex and Focalin. She’s also is very happy with his neurologist so I have been mulling around the idea of taking Madeline to him. Her teacher’s email was confirmation that Madeline needs to be seen. Unfortunately the receptionist of the new doc was extremely rude and tells me that the next available appointment would be the end of October. This was after I was on hold for ten minutes.

“Are you kidding me?” was my response.

Then silence.

“Okay then. Thanks anyway” and I hung up.

I was shocked. My friend is shocked. Her son was seen within the week of her calling. Obviously I caught the receptionist from hell on the wrong day. Seriously, what pediatric neurologist can’t see a child for six months?

I called the neurologist that treats Madeline and they are getting her in tomorrow. Easy peezy, lemon squeezy and the receptionist was pleasant!

When I picked the kids up from school I could see that my usually happy child was not happy. She broke down as soon as we pulled away and my heart bled as I watched big, fat alligator tears roll down her beautiful face.

I hate that she is going through this.

I hate that I can’t “fix” it.

I hate that kids make fun of her.

All I could offer her was my shoulder to cry on and a doctor’s appointment. She is definitely her mother’s daughter. We are both very emotional and cry when under great stress but we are also strong and will seek answers and solutions. After our pity party Madeline asked if she could give her class a talk about her tics so they could understand her better.

That’s my girl.

She even started her research on her own tonight. I walked in on her watching this HBO piece on kids with Tourettes. We also have a neighbor kid that has Tourettes so I suggested she should talk to him.

We’ll get through this.

Now I must sleep.

I hope.

Apr

26

What is a mother?

Filed Under PBN Blog Blast, motherless, parenting | 17 Comments

This is a question I have pondered for as long as I can remember. Sadly, my own mother was not a very good role model because mental illness, immaturity, and narcissism consumed her. My friend’s mothers weren’t much better either or at least in my young eyes they were not June Cleaver or Carol Brady. None of them stayed at home, some were part time moms due to divorce, and most were not very involved in their kid’s lives. I wasn’t so sure that mothers like those depicted on t.v. even existed but I did know that I wanted to be like them.

Fantasizing about what a great mom I would be is what got me through my dreary childhood. After my mother’s narcissistic rages I would retreat to La La Land and envision myself lavishing my own children with love and praise. I promised my imaginary children that I would never forget how valuable they are and never blame them for my wrongdoings. I was raised to feel like I was a burden, the cause of my mother’s miserable existence, and that my sole purpose was to serve her. I believed that mothering my children well would right all my mother’s wrongs.

Now I’m a mother and I have stuck to my promises to the best of my ability only I didn’t realize how hard it would be. With my own mother being such a poor role model I had to model t.v. moms and a few mommy friends who I decided rocked the mom gig. Maintaining my idea of the perfect mom did not make me feel like frolicking in a meadow with my children while riding unicorns like I had imagined. Instead I felt depleted and frustrated most of the time. That damn Carol Brady made it look so easy with every episode ending all wrapped up nicely and tied with a bow.

In my quest to be the opposite of my own mother I ended up taking motherhood to the extreme and lost myself in the process. I succeeded at putting my children on a pedestal, giving them many of the things I never had, and being a stay at home mom who bakes cookies and volunteers at school. What I failed at was giving up so much of myself that there wasn’t anything left for me. It is very hard to effectively parent when your own needs aren’t being met.

So my idea of what it takes to be a good mom has changed over the years. I have learned that in order for me to effectively mother my children I need to achieve balance in my life. Keeping balance is a struggle for me because of my fear that any time I put myself before my children it will be perceived as self centeredness. I have never completely shaken my childhood feelings of worthlessness but day by day I chip away at that negative feeling by doing little things for myself. Not only is it good for me but also good for my children. I am their role model for the portrait of a mother they will paint and I want them to know that they don’t have to give up their life to be a good mother.

PBN is helping Microsoft promote their campaign “Portraits of Mom” with a Blog Blast. To participate write a post on your blog describing your portrait of a mother. Post anytime this weekend - Friday, April 25 through Sunday, April 27 and include links to http://www.portraitsofmom.com and http://blog.parentbloggers.com. You could win a $250 gift certificate to your local photography studio of choice!

Apr

25

You can buy your mother-in-law a first class ticket to Hell

Filed Under WTF?, funny, naughty | 16 Comments

Seriously. For $15.95 you can purchase the ultimate Hell getaway package which includes:

Demonic issued certificate of reservation, officially registered in Satan’s Log™ and prepared on flame-proof material.
A one way, free-fall ticket to Hell. What better way to get there then a non-stop, direct drop?
The Official Hell Identification Card so you can get around without getting hassled.
Hell 101 mini informational guide, outlining things you need to know to survive the nightmare.
All access VIP pass. This pass will grant you access to “VIP exclusive areas” including the Frozen Wasteland, the Lake of Fire and the Bridge of Dead, where all the hotties get together and kick it.

Reserveaspotinhell.com asks what sounds better, singing songs and reading books in Heaven or taking shots with strippers in Hell?

The site boasts that Less than 0.000001% of our reservation holders have had problems getting themselves or someone else into Hell.

Fiery damnation not your thing? Then reserve a spot in Heaven. What sounds better to you, eternal happiness or endless damnation? They even offer a 100% money back guarantee.

Seem a bit blasphemous? Just a bit. I was a little uncomfortable when I first happened upon the sites but then I saw the humor and how these “kits” would make a great gag gift. What does bother me is that they are actually charging for these kits. I think I would feel better about poking fun at Heaven and Hell if the proceeds were going to charity.

Maybe I’m just jealous that I didn’t think of it.

Nah, I don’t think I could sleep at night knowing I was playing God. I wouldn’t want to tick Him off and the worry of people at church finding out what I was selling would not be worth it.

Just goes to show you can sell just about anything with the right marketing. Maybe these are the same guys who came up with the Pet Rock.

What do you think of this?

Apr

21

Where have I been?

Filed Under Blogging, blah blah blah, desperate housewives | 20 Comments

Boy, have I missed my blog and all my blogging friends. I didn’t mean to stay away for so long. Life just became overwhelming. I had moments where I felt like I should just hit the delete key so my neglected blog wouldn’t feel like such a monkey on my back. I’m still having moments where I’m not so sure how I will ever fit blogging back in my life. I don’t know how other moms of 4+ kids (or really any mom) are finding the time but I would love to know because I just can’t find a balance so something in my life doesn’t have to suffer in order to find time to blog. My biggest issue is feeling so trapped in my life which I feel guilty about. My life is good. I have a sweet, hard working husband who has provided me with a very comfortable lifestyle. I have four great kids, several girlfriends I can really count on, and a sister who is the bestest friend I could ask for. I should feel happier but most of the time I feel overworked, unappreciated, and wishing for more hours in a day.

My little funk began when I received an invite for the infamous J&J Camp Baby. An all expense paid trip with some of my favorite blogging friends? Three days away from the demands of my hubby and kids? I was so in. Except by the time I was able to secure childcare the camp had met its guest quota. Too bad, too sad.

This is when I had my first moment of feeling trapped within the confines of family life. You know you need a mommy break when you can relate with Chelsea Handler’s character on one of the In The Motherhood webisodes where she tells a policeman that maybe she does want to go to jail just so she can be alone.

I was angry with my husband because I felt that he should have offered to stay home with our kids if I couldn’t find childcare. I so rarely ask him to take time off from work to help with the kids and I’m quickly growing resentful of the fact that in order for me to do anything I have to find childcare when he is free to make his plans knowing that I’m always here to be with the kids. It feels terribly unfair. My hubby realized how unfair this is when I made a tearful comment that I did not know I would have to give up my life in order to be a mom. He tried making it up to me by offering to fly me out to see my sister but he was missing the point. These free trips don’t come around often and I wanted to feel like he valued me and my job being a mom enough to tell me he would make sure the childcare was covered so I could get away.

So I didn’t go and my life got increasingly busier over the next few weeks and won’t slow down again until the end of school. Just keeping up with the house, laundry, homework, running errands, cooking meals, carpool, and servicing the hubby take up a full day. I sacrifice sleep to fit in the things I like to do such as reading, blogging, and playing on the computer. My oldest is a competitive dancer and spring time is when I have to shift into stage mom mode. She has two competitions and a recital every spring. This year she is in eight numbers which means eight costumes and everyone of them needed some altering or embellishing. She had her first competition this past weekend and I am sharing videos of the dress rehearsals on YouTube.

I also have several blogging projects in the works if I can ever find enough time to commit to any of them fully. The latest endeavor is The St. Louis Bloggers Guild which I can’t honestly take any credit for but I plan to take a more active role in the very near future.

I have also put my mommy guilt aside and have found an in-home daycare for Marigrace twice a week so I can free up some time for much needed “me” time. I’m going to make an effort to pamper myself more. What I have realized over the last few weeks is if I don’t value myself then neither will anyone else.

Hopefully you will see me around more often. I really have missed you and this blogging gig. Thanks to all of you who checked in on me. It’s nice to feel missed.

Apr

2

Blog hunt!

Filed Under blog hunt, fun stuff | 4 Comments

As usual I am always late to the party. I’ve been so out of the blogging loop lately (more on that later) that I forgot that I’m participating in a super fun blog hunt. Some great gals have spent a lot of time putting this hunt together and in the end some fab prizes will be won. Here’s the poop:

Join the HUNT!

To play: First, create a new folder on your desktop called bloghunt. Second, read this clue…

Spring has sprung, and the time is now-er
to scour the kitchen AND the shower!

Third visit this site…

http://www.organizedmom.net

Once you are at the site you will read the posts and browse through the blog until you figure out what the clue was leading you to. Once you find the answer click on it to reveal the “item” and clue. Right click the “items” you find and save them to your bloghunt folder on your desktop. You will have to have all of the items to be eligible for our fantastic prizes which will be drawn at random from all the entries. You enter by sending your completed bloghunt folder to finish@greatbloghunt.com Entries will be taken until May 2nd, when the winners will be drawn.

Get goin’ now.

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