Apr

26

What is a mother?

Filed Under PBN Blog Blast, motherless, parenting | 17 Comments

This is a question I have pondered for as long as I can remember. Sadly, my own mother was not a very good role model because mental illness, immaturity, and narcissism consumed her. My friend’s mothers weren’t much better either or at least in my young eyes they were not June Cleaver or Carol Brady. None of them stayed at home, some were part time moms due to divorce, and most were not very involved in their kid’s lives. I wasn’t so sure that mothers like those depicted on t.v. even existed but I did know that I wanted to be like them.

Fantasizing about what a great mom I would be is what got me through my dreary childhood. After my mother’s narcissistic rages I would retreat to La La Land and envision myself lavishing my own children with love and praise. I promised my imaginary children that I would never forget how valuable they are and never blame them for my wrongdoings. I was raised to feel like I was a burden, the cause of my mother’s miserable existence, and that my sole purpose was to serve her. I believed that mothering my children well would right all my mother’s wrongs.

Now I’m a mother and I have stuck to my promises to the best of my ability only I didn’t realize how hard it would be. With my own mother being such a poor role model I had to model t.v. moms and a few mommy friends who I decided rocked the mom gig. Maintaining my idea of the perfect mom did not make me feel like frolicking in a meadow with my children while riding unicorns like I had imagined. Instead I felt depleted and frustrated most of the time. That damn Carol Brady made it look so easy with every episode ending all wrapped up nicely and tied with a bow.

In my quest to be the opposite of my own mother I ended up taking motherhood to the extreme and lost myself in the process. I succeeded at putting my children on a pedestal, giving them many of the things I never had, and being a stay at home mom who bakes cookies and volunteers at school. What I failed at was giving up so much of myself that there wasn’t anything left for me. It is very hard to effectively parent when your own needs aren’t being met.

So my idea of what it takes to be a good mom has changed over the years. I have learned that in order for me to effectively mother my children I need to achieve balance in my life. Keeping balance is a struggle for me because of my fear that any time I put myself before my children it will be perceived as self centeredness. I have never completely shaken my childhood feelings of worthlessness but day by day I chip away at that negative feeling by doing little things for myself. Not only is it good for me but also good for my children. I am their role model for the portrait of a mother they will paint and I want them to know that they don’t have to give up their life to be a good mother.

PBN is helping Microsoft promote their campaign “Portraits of Mom” with a Blog Blast. To participate write a post on your blog describing your portrait of a mother. Post anytime this weekend - Friday, April 25 through Sunday, April 27 and include links to http://www.portraitsofmom.com and http://blog.parentbloggers.com. You could win a $250 gift certificate to your local photography studio of choice!

Feb

29

Braggity, brag, brag

Filed Under PBN Blog Blast, bragging rights, dance crap, dancing baby, video | 10 Comments

What? You want me to brag about my kids? Gee, I don’t know. Let me see if I can find something to brag about.

PBN and Jenifer Fox are asking that we brag and share our kids strengths for this weeks Blog Blast. I don’t normally toot my kids horns too much on my blog. That’s so boring. Writing and reading about the ugly side of parenting is so much more interesting but if I must…

I have four children that are more different than alike. They all have something that they’re good at that sets them apart from each other. This is a good thing. Keeps things interesting and cuts down on competing and jealousy.

Madeline is almost ten and is our performer. I knew she was destined for Broadway when she was two and would skip around the house in her ruby slippers singing “The Yellow Brick Road”. And she was good. She can also boogie and has been taking dance classes since she was three and has been on the competition team since she was five. Drama is her middle name which is a bad thing when she’s having a tantrum but her bad drama self rocks on stage. She’s trying out for The Muny tomorrow and will be singing “Popular” from the Broadway play Wicked. Here’s a video of her singing. Her siblings were distracting her so it’s not her best vocals. The only vocal training she has had was one year on The St. Louis Children’s Choir. It was too much of a time commitment with her hectic dance schedule so she quit.

You can see some of Madeline’s dance routine’s here and here. She’s the one on the floor in front of the first one and wears glasses so it should be easy to find her in the group.

Isabelle is almost eight and is our artist. She is very crafty and creative. She has made some amazing crafts just from crap she finds around the house and loves to draw. Here is her latest masterpiece:

Isabelle also plays soccer and does an amazing presentation of “Silent Night” in sign language. Both girls can say the sign of the cross and the Our Father is Spanish.

Connor is six and is working on finding out what his “thing” is. He plays soccer and baseball but isn’t that crazy about either. He loves music and playing the drums. He can shoot a mean game of pool and is my go to man when I can’t get Mario out of a sticky situation on Mario Super Galaxy. Unlike his older ADD sisters he has amazing concentration. He loves making maps in his Montessori class and can draw very good penis people.

Marigrace is two and my last baby. She loves music and dancing like her big sis and is pretty good at it as evidenced in this video I can’t get enough of showing off. My sole mission of late is to get the video featured on Ellen. Feel free to email it to everyone in your contact list.

Marigrace is also our clown. She never fails to entertain us with her goofiness. Our neighbor has nicknamed her “Lucy” since she has Lucille Ball-like comedy and red curly hair.

Thanks PBN for giving me permission to brag!

Sep

7

Save me from the Christmas sweaters!

Filed Under PBN Blog Blast, photos | 23 Comments

I’m willing to embarrass myself for a $250 Coach gift certificate. Aren’t you? The Parent Bloggers Network is having a Blog Blast sponsored by Harper Collins’ new title, “The Little Black Book of Style” by Nina Garcia (ELLE fashion director and Project Runway judge!).

So I’m pulling out my Christmas Sweater Hall of Shame.

Exhibit A

Not too bad? Check out the next one.

Exhibit B

Oh yes I did! What was I thinking? I’m not pregnant in this photo but I certainly look it. I was the heaviest after my second baby and got into a bad habit of wearing big, baggy clothes. I thought it hid the extra weight. Why didn’t someone clue me in? Sis? I can usually count on you to set me straight when my style needs help.

The good thing is that I did not stay in Christmas Sweater Hell for long. I lost the weight and with the help of a surgical intervention I got my style back.

Exhibit C

I’m the bleach blonde in the back. I can even accessorize now! See the cheetah print flower pin? I’ve come a long way! Who are those hot hot bitches who have kept their style? Those are the St. Louis bloggers I had dinner with a few weeks ago. I never did write that post. My dog died. Isn’t that a valid excuse?

You can join in the fun of embarrassing yourself with me by writing a post today, before midnight PST, about your style - or lack thereof - and include a picture of the item(s) in your closet that most desperately need to be donated. Title it creatively and descriptively.

In the text of your post, link to PBN and Harper Collins.

PBN will round up the posts and draw one at random to win a $250 Coach gift certificate.

It’s Fabulous Find Friday over at my other blog, Lipstick to Crayons. Go check it out!

Aug

30

She can’t talk but she can do the moonwalk!

Filed Under PBN Blog Blast, dancing baby, video | 56 Comments

It was no surprise to me that my baby, Marigrace would love to dance. It all started with her swinging on the umbilical cord in the womb. Whenever she heard music she would have a dance party in my belly. She practically did the “running man” on her way out.

My oldest daughter also loves to dance. She lives and breathes it. Much of her free time is spent dancing in our basement. Marigrace has been dancing along since before she could walk. She would sit in her bouncy seat and kick her legs to the beat of the music. Once she was finally up on two feet she was able to perfect her dance moves. The “One Shoulder Shimmy” is our favorite but “The Travolta” and her moonwalk are also pretty impressive for a twenty month old.

Don’t believe me? Here’s video proof to show that I’m not just a bragging mother. Okay, I am bragging but her dance skills are too good to not brag about. I’m thinking she could win the Best Little Dancer in America competition or at least some Stride Rite shoes from the PBN Blog Blast. C’mon people. Indulge me. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

*** Cross posted at Lipstick to Crayons ***

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